Discovered DP has knickers. Should I be worried?

[NickyKat]

So today, Valentine's Day of all days, I discovered that DP of 6 years has a collection of knickers in his boxers drawer. He has about 12 pairs - mostly hipsters, boyshorts and briefs. I brought it up with him and he seemed embarrassed and said he likes the feel of the material more than men's cotton boxers.

I had another look later on when he was getting ready for our meal out and they're all 14-16 which seems about his size. But I've also never washed them and still wash multiple boxers every week.

I've never come across this with any of my previous partners and my mind is racing. We had a lovely meal out but it was clear he didn't want to talk about it.

I don't think they're another woman's because why would he have so many if they'd been left after a sneaky visit while I was away?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is not normal? Is it a red flag? I have so many questions but he's not telling me anything other than they're his and he likes wearing them.

Evidently he's not wearing them as no washing.
He's not raised it with OP as he is unsure of her reaction. Having seen some of the responses on here, I don't blame him.
Some have suggested they're affair trophies, or from a washing line (but just happen to all be the same size). What a leap.
The important thing, OP, is what happens next. You need an honest conversation without judgement. Then you, and only you, can decide whether you can live with whatever is going on.

I had a relationship with a ‘sissy’ guy when I was young. He was much older than me.
It developed into all kinds of creepy as time progressed. I was well out of my depth

I knew someone who got divorced because of this. She found out shortly after getting married. There are plenty of silk boxers for men and under wear with nice fabric. He gets off on this. Yes it would bother me.

How long have you been living together and doing his laundry? If you've only recently moved in together, he may be telling the truth. If it's been most of the 6 years surely you would have seen them on him or in the wash before now if he wore them for comfort.

Standing ovation for this response! 👏🏼

Too many questions! Like, how did he discover that he preferred the feel of women’s knickers? It’s not something a man would ever find out (unless he had a desire to put them on in the first place). If he just genuinely thinks they’re more comfortable then why doesn’t he wear them all the time? How do they get washed? Is he secretly washing them? Or does he wear them and not wash them? Sorry, I don’t buy the “oh they just feel comfortable” line. If that were the case he would be wearing them all the time and would have no problem talking to you about it. (My DB wears women’s jeans as he’s skinny and prefers the fit. He has no issue telling people that because it’s not something he does in secret!).

This is the thin end of the wedge. There is definitely more to come. As @PithyViewer states “I couldn’t be doing with this nonsense”. Quite!

Are you sure they aren’t trophies from past gfs or ons?

I’m a lesbian and my mind is blown by this thread. Orifices clamping shut, meat and potatoes men, divorce. To me, it all sounds like an hysterical over reaction.

OP, speak to him and make up your own mind.

Can’t you see the difference? Women’s bodies don’t have external genitals to accommodate, so men’s underwear has more room and is looser and more comfortable for them. Women’s pants aren’t designed to accommodate a penis and testicles, so there’s no way they could be ‘more comfortable’ for a man to wear than men’s underwear. Even if they are ‘mostly’ (so not all) boyish styles. So they must be worn for another reason.

How do cotton knickers feel different to cotton boxers / briefs. The answer ...they don't. It's a kink. Not one I could live with I'm afraid

Your mind is blown that other women are allowed to be turned off by this? Men "liking the feel of women's underwear" is them expressing their kink, be kind and understanding. Women saying "no, thanks that's not for me" is hysterical?

He either has a fetish, he's cheating or he's taking them from washing lines. Neither one of these would make me want to stay with him. If you do and say nothing high chance you'll come home early and find him fully dressed as a woman parading about the house. It would be over for me regardless of his reason for it because it will only escalate in nature

Don't yum someone’s yuck.

It’s not an overreaction if you intrinsically find it off-putting.

You are a lesbian so you probably don’t think the same way about manners most heterosexual women do we look at them as sexual beings that we want to have sex with? And you don’t

And yet here you are using mysoginistic tropes to describe a woman’s reaction to discovering her partner’s secret fetish.

This. Lesbians are allowed to find men sexually unattractive. Heterosexual women are allowed to find men who wear anything other than men's underwear an absolute turn off.

Didn't tell her straight away..... he's had 6 years!

I wouldn't consider mattering 'j like the way they feel' A conversation.

He has a kink. It's your call whether you are happy to accept that and stay with him.

Yes, the irony! 🤣

With due respect, as a lesbian you may not been fully versed in the male libido. I have been on these boards for some time and I will never stopped being shocked by the things men get off on. Please google autogynephilia.
Women choosing to wear men’s clothes for comfort is completely different to a man getting off on wearing women’s knickers.

Maybe for some men it's more comfy if it's a bit snug/wrapped up down there - maybe it's uncomfortable if there's room for things to flap about?

Can you really not imagine that different things are comfortable for different people? If you imagine it objectively, having a piece of string between one's cheeks must be pretty uncomfortable - however millions of women (and men!) like to wear thongs day-to-day. I am like the princess and the pea, and can feel any label etc on my clothes, whereas my mum frequently forgets to take the tags off and doesn't even notice!
Different strokes for different folks. There's no 'must' about it.

I think it is all a bit of an over reaction from a lot of posters, why not just talk it over and see what he has to say about it, then it’s up to the OP to make her own decision going forward. It can surely all be done calmly and in an adult fashion without the hysterics.

Claire

There is no evidence that the OP's husband is 'getting off' on them. They don't sound like lingerie, and he said he finds them comfortable.

She's posted on a public forum so the public are commenting. If she wanted to deal with it privately she wouldn't have posted.