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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is very odd/weird?

151 replies

GlamBee · 14/02/2026 22:28

One of my friends has been having a stressful time with work (I’ve never worked with her, we are just friends but before Christmas I was aware that she was letting work stress affect her personal life) recently and has been letting this stress affect her personal life. And since then she hasn’t spoke to me in around 4 weeks and our other mutual friends have said that they haven’t heard from her or spoke to her in around 4 weeks too. She’s ignoring all my calls and messages and she’s ignoring other peoples calls and messages according to mutual friends too.

There is one mutual friend she is definitely still speaking to though as there are photos on Facebook of them going to the theatre and meeting up with each others children etc. I’ve messaged that mutual friend saying I know they are in contact with my friend and I’m concerned about her and is she ok and the only reply I’ve received is “thanks for your concerns and support. I’m in daily contact with her and I was already aware of most of your concerns (what’s going on and why she’s stressed) about her from her directly but I’ve told her that you’ve messaged saying you’re concerned about her and I’ve discussed everything with her and her husband but it’s not my place to comment further. Thanks” and that’s all they’ve said about if my friend is ok or not and the mutual friend hasn’t answered my reply to their message either. My friend still hasn’t contacted me directly and is ignoring my calls and messages and all other mutual friends have said they haven’t spoken to her recently either and their calls and messages are being ignored too. It’s not like my friend at all to ignore everyone like this.

AIBU to think this is really odd/weird? And that it’s weird/odd that the mutual friend who is in contact with her didn’t tell me if she’s ok or not? AIBU?

OP posts:
Catza · 14/02/2026 22:30

She is going to the theatre, clearly she is absolutely fine.

Original poster
GlamBee · 14/02/2026 22:33

Catza · 14/02/2026 22:30

She is going to the theatre, clearly she is absolutely fine.

But it’s not like her at all to just shut everyone out like this and the last time I spoke to her in December she was having a really hard time and struggling.

OP posts:
Brightbluesomething · 14/02/2026 22:33

She doesn’t want talk to you. She may reach out or she may not. Leave her to it.

Catza · 14/02/2026 22:35

GlamBee · 14/02/2026 22:33

But it’s not like her at all to just shut everyone out like this and the last time I spoke to her in December she was having a really hard time and struggling.

Show quote history

Ok but you checked in on her and she chose to confide in a different friend. That's where your involvement should have ended. She is your friend, not your child.

Original poster
GlamBee · 14/02/2026 22:36

Brightbluesomething · 14/02/2026 22:33

She doesn’t want talk to you. She may reach out or she may not. Leave her to it.

She’s ignoring all her other friends too though and has shut everyone out. We are all concerned about her. It’s not like her at all.

OP posts:
shhblackbag · 14/02/2026 22:36

I don't understand why you're surprised that work stress bleeds into her personal life. She's probably overwhelmed and has made her circle smaller, whether it's permanent or not, no one can know. You know she's OK. If she's a friend leave it now and let her come to you.

NotAnotherScarf · 14/02/2026 22:37

Either she just can't talk to anyone else because she is too upset or the mutual friend is gatekeeping and loving the drama or your friend doesn't want to talk to you and is distancing herself I am not sure.

Whilst and I mean this nicely, you are concerned about her, perhaps you are too concerned/invested and she needs a little time. Maybe she doesn't want to talk about the stress or you are one of the people that remind her of her problems. I would back away.

Personally, and I'm a person who doesn't really need to close friends, I'd back far away, she clearly speaks to this other person and doesn't want to speak to you. I'd be thinking, ok I've contacted you, you're not replying, I know you're going through a shit time but it's rude not to message me back when I am clearly concerned about you...so stuff you.

SirBasil · 14/02/2026 22:37

stop pestering her. If/when she is ready she will come to you.

If she is stressed, you nagging her with messages is hardly likely to help, is it?

Isthateveryonethen · 14/02/2026 22:37

She’s enjoying life by being out and about with certain people. She’s also shitty enough to not take 10seconds to reply to you knowing how worried you are. I wouldn’t even bother with her after this.

Tamtim · 14/02/2026 22:39

I think you now have to leave the ball in her court. If she wants to contact you, she will. It is hard when people suddenly cut off contact. It feels personal but sometimes it isn’t.

Original poster
GlamBee · 14/02/2026 22:49

It seems like she’s shut out every single one of her friends except that one mutual friend and that’s not like her at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
GlamBee · 14/02/2026 22:51

shhblackbag · 14/02/2026 22:36

I don't understand why you're surprised that work stress bleeds into her personal life. She's probably overwhelmed and has made her circle smaller, whether it's permanent or not, no one can know. You know she's OK. If she's a friend leave it now and let her come to you.

Made her circle smaller? It seems like she’s shut out absolutely every single one of her friends except one person. It’s not like her and we are all concerned about her.

OP posts:
Original poster
GlamBee · 14/02/2026 22:51

And the reply I received when messaging the one friend who is still in contact with her was really odd.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/02/2026 22:53

I’ve known my best friend to do this when she was in the thick of it with work bullying issues.

watchingthishtread · 14/02/2026 22:54

Yes, it is odd. I can understand why you are concerned. She's obviously going through something. Leave her be. She knows where you are if she needs you.

shhblackbag · 14/02/2026 22:56

GlamBee · 14/02/2026 22:51

Made her circle smaller? It seems like she’s shut out absolutely every single one of her friends except one person. It’s not like her and we are all concerned about her.

Show quote history

You mentioned a husband, too. She's not on her own. I understand you're concerned, but it's not going to help that you keep messaging and calling. Least of all you. Unless you know the husband is an arsehole or something leave it for a while.

Noshadelamp · 14/02/2026 22:58

Maybe the one friend she's in contact with doesn't add to the stress and overwhelm.

was aware that she was letting work stress affect her personal life
I was going to leave it at that but this comment makes me wonder if you might come off as judgemental or at the least not very understanding.
It's like you're saying it's her fault for "letting" work stress affect her personal life.

Original poster
GlamBee · 14/02/2026 23:03

I’m absolutely not saying it’s her fault at all for letting work stress affect her life, that’s not what I meant at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
GlamBee · 14/02/2026 23:04

I also think it’s odd because the one friend she is still in contact with is someone she supported previously a few years ago when they were having a tough time too. I just think it’s odd and we are all concerned for her.

OP posts:
TiredofLDN · 14/02/2026 23:05

I’m a single parent with what at times is a full on job, that at crunch times completely takes over my personal life.

When I’m going through a really busy/ intense patch at work, I become very uncommunicative with most of my friends, some of whom are my oldest and best, just because I’m in “survival” mode. I have my kid to keep alive, my job to do, and between the two things, that’s 16/18 hours of my day and the rest im asleep or staring into space.

however- the one exception is that I might see my local friend who lives one street over, and keep in close touch with her a) because it’s hard not to- she’s literally on my doorstep, and b) because I don’t have to “catch her up” with what’s happening or explain everything- which would be even more exhausting. She’s seen me every day. She knows what’s going on. I don’t have to explain why I look like shit, or seem distracted. If I DO manage to have a free night, I might even go “out” with her, when I wouldn’t other friends. Not because we’re better friends or I like or love her more- just because she knows where I’m at, and has probably come round and physically dragged me out!

Luckily my friends understand. They know it’s not personal, and they don’t judge me at all- most of them are in the same industry as me and are much the same when projects are coming up to delivery, though maybe they’re a little less hermit like- I think that’s just a personality thing. I’ve always found it harder to communicate with friends when I’m having a tough time- am more likely to shut down and “sort it” myself, then come back when I feel better.

McSpoot · 14/02/2026 23:06

GlamBee · 14/02/2026 23:04

I also think it’s odd because the one friend she is still in contact with is someone she supported previously a few years ago when they were having a tough time too. I just think it’s odd and we are all concerned for her.

Edited

Why is that odd? Makes sense that she feels that the other person can most help her as she knows that she’s been through something similar.

Dymaxion · 14/02/2026 23:08

If she has been going through a lot of stress, she may find responding to messages from multiple people hard work. I have been the 'one' friend who someone contacted and also one of the ones who was ignored for a time. Maybe just give her some time ?

LLJETO · 14/02/2026 23:10

Isthateveryonethen · 14/02/2026 22:37

She’s enjoying life by being out and about with certain people. She’s also shitty enough to not take 10seconds to reply to you knowing how worried you are. I wouldn’t even bother with her after this.

This, exactly!

smallglassbottle · 14/02/2026 23:11

I've been having depression issues for a few months now and I'm only in contact with the one friend I can relate to because she doesn't judge me and she's had similar struggles. I'm avoiding everyone else because I don't have the energy and they don't understand depression anyway. I literally can't be bothered with them because they don't expect depression to look like it does.

sprigatito · 14/02/2026 23:16

You can be as concerned as you like, but it doesn’t translate into any obligation on her part at all. If she doesn’t want to talk to you - and she clearly doesn’t - then that’s the extent of your involvement. I think you should leave her alone, or you risk veering into harassment.

The way you talk about her - more than once in your OP, you refer to her “letting work stress affect her personal life” as if that is some sort of crime - makes me wonder whether you are part of the stress, and there might be a good reason why she is giving you a miss at the moment.