Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is very odd/weird?

151 replies

GlamBee · 14/02/2026 22:28

One of my friends has been having a stressful time with work (I’ve never worked with her, we are just friends but before Christmas I was aware that she was letting work stress affect her personal life) recently and has been letting this stress affect her personal life. And since then she hasn’t spoke to me in around 4 weeks and our other mutual friends have said that they haven’t heard from her or spoke to her in around 4 weeks too. She’s ignoring all my calls and messages and she’s ignoring other peoples calls and messages according to mutual friends too.

There is one mutual friend she is definitely still speaking to though as there are photos on Facebook of them going to the theatre and meeting up with each others children etc. I’ve messaged that mutual friend saying I know they are in contact with my friend and I’m concerned about her and is she ok and the only reply I’ve received is “thanks for your concerns and support. I’m in daily contact with her and I was already aware of most of your concerns (what’s going on and why she’s stressed) about her from her directly but I’ve told her that you’ve messaged saying you’re concerned about her and I’ve discussed everything with her and her husband but it’s not my place to comment further. Thanks” and that’s all they’ve said about if my friend is ok or not and the mutual friend hasn’t answered my reply to their message either. My friend still hasn’t contacted me directly and is ignoring my calls and messages and all other mutual friends have said they haven’t spoken to her recently either and their calls and messages are being ignored too. It’s not like my friend at all to ignore everyone like this.

AIBU to think this is really odd/weird? And that it’s weird/odd that the mutual friend who is in contact with her didn’t tell me if she’s ok or not? AIBU?

OP posts:
Catza · 14/02/2026 23:20

GlamBee · 14/02/2026 23:04

I also think it’s odd because the one friend she is still in contact with is someone she supported previously a few years ago when they were having a tough time too. I just think it’s odd and we are all concerned for her.

Edited

What are you concerned about? Because it sounds to me as thought "you all" are concerned that she is not talking to you. None of you are actually concerned about her feelings or wishes. She clearly doesn't want to talk to "you all" and maybe the reason is the overwhelming amount of calls and messages... Just guessing because you seem to be immovable from your position that something is awfully wrong despite multiple people here telling you it's best to let her be and despite SM evidence of her living seemingly normal life.

EdgarAllenRaven · 14/02/2026 23:21

How long have you all known her ? And in what context do you know her?

GlamBee · 14/02/2026 23:34

EdgarAllenRaven · 14/02/2026 23:21

How long have you all known her ? And in what context do you know her?

Some of us have known her since childhood (I’ve known her since primary school) and some of us have known her for less time than that. We’ve all known her for longer than the one friend she’s definitely still in contact with though.

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 14/02/2026 23:42

Honestly, I’m stressed reading your replies OP, let her get on with it as she sees fit and when she comes out the other side pick up and don’t smother her.

I don’t mean this in a mean way (but it’s not going to feel that way) you are one of the first type of friend I’d put some distance on in a situation..

IdentityCris · 14/02/2026 23:47

What's the mutual friend like? Is she a controlling type? It sounds a bit as if she might have something to do with the decision to keep other friends away.

If mutual friend was a man in some sort of relationship with her, replies on here would be very different and there would be major concerns about possible abuse and gaslighting.

Mingspingpongball · 15/02/2026 00:01

OP you sound like you want there to be something REALLY wrong so you and your other friends can a) have something to talk about or judge and b) tell your friend (that you are so concerned about allegedly) what to do.
Your comments about her letting work stress affect her personal life are absolutely nothing to do with the situation of your alleged concern and are full of judgement and not concern.
Leave her alone.
If someone doesn’t want to talk to you they don’t want to talk to you.
Or.. if, as you seem so desperately implying, there’s something you suspect about the one person she is engaging with then say it.

Noonshine · 15/02/2026 00:50

You keep saying ‘it’s not like her’, but you’re going to have to accept that, regardless of whether you think so, it is her. And that the mutual friend who’s still in touch with her isn’t going to break her confidence because you want the gossip.

OpheliaHamlet · 15/02/2026 01:15

I think this is well in the realms of normal. We all have different ways of dealing with intense stress.
You are kind to be worried about your friend, but I don’t think four weeks is that long to not hear from someone, especially if they have a lot going on.

I know a lot of people unburden themselves by talking through their problems , and reaching out for emotional support, however, not everyone finds this helpful. Personally, I instinctively disappear into myself. I’m naturally introverted, anyway, and even in normal circumstances I need quite a lot of time to recharge. However, if I am having a tough time, I find it completely overwhelming, having to keep up with even the most mundane social stuff. I’m also a private person, and I don’t find opening up to other people about my problems helpful.

I do try to let people know that I’m taking some time out because things are difficult, but sometimes I find even that, anxiety inducing (also I worry that I might come across as thinking I am so important, everyone is going to notice me being offline/not answering my phone for a week😟).

The one exception, is I have an old school friend, who I am v close to. We basically, grew up together, and we talk about absolutely everything. We have the same outlook on life, and there is no judgement.

So, your friend who is having a hard time, is it possible she is just closer to your mutual friend than you realized? Or, maybe it was just down to timing(ie, a work phone call came when they were together?)? Or, is it possible she has been in a similar situation herself, so she is has useful advice she can give.
I don’t think there was anything wrong with the reply Mutual Friend gave you - it sounds like she passed on the message, but she was wary saying anything more on the situation, as it is not her story to tell.

pizzaHeart · 15/02/2026 01:23

You don't say what personal problems she is having (and it doesn’t matter for me by the way) but maybe some of you contributed to her problems so she stopped communicating with all of you, for simplicity. She dropped you all because she didn’t want you to know about her personal problems, work problems etc. and to discuss them.
You, OP, might be absolutely innocent in all of this, she might be ok with you but there should be something more in this story for someone in your group and it’s the reason for not answering your calls/ txts and for such a formal answer from her other friend.

By the way what do you worry about? She is alive, kids are alive. She is functioning so what’s the problem? It’s a genuine question as I can’t understand your concern.

Daygloboo · 15/02/2026 01:25

GlamBee · 14/02/2026 22:28

One of my friends has been having a stressful time with work (I’ve never worked with her, we are just friends but before Christmas I was aware that she was letting work stress affect her personal life) recently and has been letting this stress affect her personal life. And since then she hasn’t spoke to me in around 4 weeks and our other mutual friends have said that they haven’t heard from her or spoke to her in around 4 weeks too. She’s ignoring all my calls and messages and she’s ignoring other peoples calls and messages according to mutual friends too.

There is one mutual friend she is definitely still speaking to though as there are photos on Facebook of them going to the theatre and meeting up with each others children etc. I’ve messaged that mutual friend saying I know they are in contact with my friend and I’m concerned about her and is she ok and the only reply I’ve received is “thanks for your concerns and support. I’m in daily contact with her and I was already aware of most of your concerns (what’s going on and why she’s stressed) about her from her directly but I’ve told her that you’ve messaged saying you’re concerned about her and I’ve discussed everything with her and her husband but it’s not my place to comment further. Thanks” and that’s all they’ve said about if my friend is ok or not and the mutual friend hasn’t answered my reply to their message either. My friend still hasn’t contacted me directly and is ignoring my calls and messages and all other mutual friends have said they haven’t spoken to her recently either and their calls and messages are being ignored too. It’s not like my friend at all to ignore everyone like this.

AIBU to think this is really odd/weird? And that it’s weird/odd that the mutual friend who is in contact with her didn’t tell me if she’s ok or not? AIBU?

Clearly something is going on and she needs space. Perhaps it's something she just isnt able to share with a lot of people. I think you need to back off. If you are a real friend, you will respect her choice.

Heyehyxx · 15/02/2026 02:50

Isthateveryonethen · 14/02/2026 22:37

She’s enjoying life by being out and about with certain people. She’s also shitty enough to not take 10seconds to reply to you knowing how worried you are. I wouldn’t even bother with her after this.

This.

Emotionalsupporttissue · 15/02/2026 03:11

smallglassbottle · 14/02/2026 23:11

I've been having depression issues for a few months now and I'm only in contact with the one friend I can relate to because she doesn't judge me and she's had similar struggles. I'm avoiding everyone else because I don't have the energy and they don't understand depression anyway. I literally can't be bothered with them because they don't expect depression to look like it does.

Absolutely agree, when I was going through a massively stressful time, I could only really communicate with one friend, who understood my situation and didn't keep giving me 'advice' like others did (why don't you just do this? Why don't you just say...)

Bleachedjeans · 15/02/2026 05:12

You’ve been given an explanation (of sorts). Leave her to it.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 15/02/2026 08:32

Not sure why you’re getting a hard time
about this, OP. I had a really good friend who did exactly the same. She’d been going through a hard time, we all tried to be there for her, give her space, whatever she wanted. We never heard from her again. She only kept in touch with one person, not in our circle, who she’d lost contact with (and in my opinion, wasn’t a particularly good friend). I assume this friend didn’t remind her of the bad times she’d experienced, and it was easier for her. It’s sad, even 20 years later things still remind me of our friendship, but I had to accept that this is what she needed to do.

Harrietsaunt · 15/02/2026 08:41

This isn’t about you. Back off.

Idabelle · 15/02/2026 10:01

I've been in the position of the friend, with people contacting me to ask about our mutual friend.

It's very awkward because what can you say really that isn't talking about the person behind their back? Especially if they're not ok, you can't say she's fine, no need to worry...but equally you can't break their trust and say what's really going on.

Bikergran · 15/02/2026 10:33

GlamBee · 14/02/2026 22:36

She’s ignoring all her other friends too though and has shut everyone out. We are all concerned about her. It’s not like her at all.

I have a friend who is doing this to most of her friends, and has been for the best part of a year. Someone very close to her is having a huge MH crisis, and she simply can't continually explain to all her friends over and over what is happening, partly because it is exhausting and upsetting, but mainly because of protecting her relative's privacy and autonomy.

Your friend has obviously found one person who she can confide in and get support from. Don't take it personally. Hopefully she will reach out again when things improve, and when she does, welcome her back unquestioned.

GlamBee · 15/02/2026 10:58

Harrietsaunt · 15/02/2026 08:41

This isn’t about you. Back off.

We are just concerned about her.

OP posts:
GlamBee · 15/02/2026 11:00

Bleachedjeans · 15/02/2026 05:12

You’ve been given an explanation (of sorts). Leave her to it.

The one person she is definitely still in contact with simply just said “thanks for your concerns and support. I’m in daily contact with her and I was already aware of most of your concerns (what’s going on and why she’s stressed) about her from her directly but I’ve told her that you’ve messaged saying you’re concerned about her and I’ve discussed everything with her and her husband but it’s not my place to comment further. Thanks” when I messaged them which is not really an explanation.

OP posts:
Harrietsaunt · 15/02/2026 11:14

Why do you think you are owed a full explanation? You are coming across as really overbearing.

GlamBee · 15/02/2026 11:14

Idabelle · 15/02/2026 10:01

I've been in the position of the friend, with people contacting me to ask about our mutual friend.

It's very awkward because what can you say really that isn't talking about the person behind their back? Especially if they're not ok, you can't say she's fine, no need to worry...but equally you can't break their trust and say what's really going on.

I think the reply I got was odd and also strangely formal. It’s odd.

OP posts:
GlamBee · 15/02/2026 11:18

Jackiepumpkinhead · 15/02/2026 08:32

Not sure why you’re getting a hard time
about this, OP. I had a really good friend who did exactly the same. She’d been going through a hard time, we all tried to be there for her, give her space, whatever she wanted. We never heard from her again. She only kept in touch with one person, not in our circle, who she’d lost contact with (and in my opinion, wasn’t a particularly good friend). I assume this friend didn’t remind her of the bad times she’d experienced, and it was easier for her. It’s sad, even 20 years later things still remind me of our friendship, but I had to accept that this is what she needed to do.

Exactly. It’s not like my friend at all to just shut everyone out like this even when she’s struggling. It’s not like her and it’s odd.

OP posts:
sorrynotathome · 15/02/2026 11:19

The reply you got is quite clear to me. She is not OK but she really, really doesn't want to talk about it. Perhaps leave them both alone.

Rosealea · 15/02/2026 11:24

Just leave her alone.

You've repeatedly said the same things over and over again here which I'm sure everyone understands.

Equally most have told you to leave it, she's made her feelings clear but you don't want to listen.

In words of one syllable she wants no contact with you just now. Just leave her

CombatBarbie · 15/02/2026 11:29

GlamBee · 14/02/2026 22:36

She’s ignoring all her other friends too though and has shut everyone out. We are all concerned about her. It’s not like her at all.

I wss this person last year. I had alot going on mentally and emotionally. There was only one person I confided in amd spent time with.

Now I am out the other side, I have reconnected and explained with other people.