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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who is being unreasonable in this friendship

146 replies

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:03

Friendship between two mums - for the past 5 years have been quite close, share a lot see each other maybe once or twice a week. Have always been supportive of each other.

First friend - let’s call her Amy is doing very well financially since last year with her own small business alongside a part time job, Amy’s husband also has new well paid job - however this requires time away from home. Amy has 2 DC.

Second friend - calling her Tina, Tina is a stay at home mum with 4 DC, she is university educated and prior children worked full time, Tina’s husband earns well but not as well as Amy’s husband, Tina infrequently lets out an air b n b flat.

One of Amy’s DC is an extremely good at a hobby, this is an expensive hobby - lessons twice weekly and the next price of equipment the DC needs is around 15k. This equipment also takes up a lot of space.

Tina doesn’t think it’s necessary for Amy to buy this equipment, and has been vocal about this in front of mutual friends, Tina thinks the DC can continue with the equipment they already have although the results are of a lower grade, Amy also mentioned possibly getting a mortgage to move to a bigger property to give DC more room for this hobby, or maybe an attic conversion, Tina thinks that getting a bigger house with a small family is wasteful and that it creates an unfair balance in society with more affluent people taking the bigger homes they don’t actually need.

Amy’s DC both enjoy branded clothing, are quite fussy about what they wear, Tina thinks Amy should buy plain clothes that aren’t branded and are cheaper. Tina dislikes waste and thinks that children shouldn’t have excess clothing or shoes as they don’t get used and it’s bad for the environment. Amy thinks it’s fine to buy the kids the clothes they ask for, Tina thinks this creates unrealistic expectations and dislikes that Amy buys branded trainers and backpacks for school as creates divide in school.

who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
DoubleBoubles · 14/02/2026 22:06

Not really any of Tina’s business

darkchocolatebounty · 14/02/2026 22:07

Which one are you, OP?

CatherinedeBourgh · 14/02/2026 22:08

Both should learn to live and let live. They don't' sound like very good friends, tbh.

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 14/02/2026 22:08

Tina needs to mind her own business.

Fluffyholeysocks · 14/02/2026 22:09

Neither is unreasonable, they have different values. Can't understand why they are friends.

AMillionPeopleCheering · 14/02/2026 22:10

Tina can have whatever opinions she wants about Amy's life, but she shouldn't be voicing them to anyone if she wants the friendship to continue.

SandAndSea · 14/02/2026 22:11

Both.
Tina is over-stepping.
Amy is over-sharing.

Strawberryfruitstarburst · 14/02/2026 22:11

I’m impressed they have 6 kids between them and have time to worry about this shit.

I have one and I’m too tired to care what anyone else is up to.

Silverbirchleaf · 14/02/2026 22:13

CatherinedeBourgh · 14/02/2026 22:08

Both should learn to live and let live. They don't' sound like very good friends, tbh.

This. They both seem very judgemental on each other’s lives, rather than accepting that everyone is different. Can’t they be friends, despite having different opinions?

I think they are both being unreasonable!

BruisedNeckMeat · 14/02/2026 22:14

Sounds like two friends having a normal discussion about their lives. I don’t see anyone being particularly unreasonable.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 14/02/2026 22:15

I’m guessing you’re Amy

LoyalMember · 14/02/2026 22:17

darkchocolatebounty · 14/02/2026 22:07

Which one are you, OP?

😆

LoyalMember · 14/02/2026 22:18

Hi, Tina...

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:18

darkchocolatebounty · 14/02/2026 22:07

Which one are you, OP?

Mutual friend to both! I host the coffees at my house a lot so both are here weekly during term time when the kids are all at school.

just wondering what others thought.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 14/02/2026 22:18

Well, I think you're Amy.

Obviously Tina should stop giving unasked for opinions. It's none of her business!

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 14/02/2026 22:21

Tina needs to keep her nose out and Amy needs to stop telling Tina stuff!

BangFlash · 14/02/2026 22:21

They're both odd. Do they have nothing better to talk about?

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:23

Silverbirchleaf · 14/02/2026 22:13

This. They both seem very judgemental on each other’s lives, rather than accepting that everyone is different. Can’t they be friends, despite having different opinions?

I think they are both being unreasonable!

Interesting, would love them to get on and continue the friendship acknowledging the differences, it has think been a quite a recent development where it feels much more judgemental.

OP posts:
redskyAtNigh · 14/02/2026 22:23

Amy is being massively insensitive to show off about her family wealth all the time.

Tina is being unreasonable to comment on Amy's conversation about her lifestyle (although it's possibly a defensive reaction to it).

I don't think this friendship is likely to continue much longer - how did they get to know each other in the first place?

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:25

BangFlash · 14/02/2026 22:21

They're both odd. Do they have nothing better to talk about?

There’s lots of nice convo when we’re all together! Just gave two examples where I felt the vibe changed and got awkward.

OP posts:
rememberingthem · 14/02/2026 22:26

Tina needs to mind her own business and sounds jealous of Amies lifestyle.

ChavsAreReal · 14/02/2026 22:26

Tina's a twat

ImmortalSnowman · 14/02/2026 22:27

Amy sounds like she's smug and likes to rub her money in a SAHM mum's face

They are both unreasonable to stay friends

JLou08 · 14/02/2026 22:28

Tina seems quite opinionated. Amy seems quite braggy. Tina and Amy should know what the other is like after 5 years of friendship, so should either reign it in with the opinions/bragging or just accept that Tina is going to share her opinion/Amy is going to brag.

K37529 · 14/02/2026 22:31

Tina should just mind her own business. Let amy live her life how she sees fit and worry about her own.