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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who is being unreasonable in this friendship

146 replies

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:03

Friendship between two mums - for the past 5 years have been quite close, share a lot see each other maybe once or twice a week. Have always been supportive of each other.

First friend - let’s call her Amy is doing very well financially since last year with her own small business alongside a part time job, Amy’s husband also has new well paid job - however this requires time away from home. Amy has 2 DC.

Second friend - calling her Tina, Tina is a stay at home mum with 4 DC, she is university educated and prior children worked full time, Tina’s husband earns well but not as well as Amy’s husband, Tina infrequently lets out an air b n b flat.

One of Amy’s DC is an extremely good at a hobby, this is an expensive hobby - lessons twice weekly and the next price of equipment the DC needs is around 15k. This equipment also takes up a lot of space.

Tina doesn’t think it’s necessary for Amy to buy this equipment, and has been vocal about this in front of mutual friends, Tina thinks the DC can continue with the equipment they already have although the results are of a lower grade, Amy also mentioned possibly getting a mortgage to move to a bigger property to give DC more room for this hobby, or maybe an attic conversion, Tina thinks that getting a bigger house with a small family is wasteful and that it creates an unfair balance in society with more affluent people taking the bigger homes they don’t actually need.

Amy’s DC both enjoy branded clothing, are quite fussy about what they wear, Tina thinks Amy should buy plain clothes that aren’t branded and are cheaper. Tina dislikes waste and thinks that children shouldn’t have excess clothing or shoes as they don’t get used and it’s bad for the environment. Amy thinks it’s fine to buy the kids the clothes they ask for, Tina thinks this creates unrealistic expectations and dislikes that Amy buys branded trainers and backpacks for school as creates divide in school.

who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Lobleylimlam · 14/02/2026 23:32

These two people don't seem to agree on anything. Don't think either one is unreasonable though, both just big differences in opinions and both putting each others expectations on the other. Both parent differently and both have different views. Seems like if they weren't in the same crowd they wouldn't be friends at all and seems purely circumstantial that they are.

Hobbes8 · 14/02/2026 23:35

Tina’s a hypocrite if she doesn’t think Amy should buy a bigger house but she has a whole extra flat she rents out on air BnB.

ParmaVioletTea · 14/02/2026 23:39

They both are unreasonable for different reasons. Tina needs to mind her own business.

But Amy’s mindless consumption is also pretty naff and vulgar. And her DC sound spoilt.

Lavender14 · 14/02/2026 23:41

Personally I agree with Tina's views but she's unreasonable to share them. These are inside your head thoughts.

While I would probably lean more towards her line of thought, I think she's highly unreasonable for judging another mother for doing things differently and it's sad that she can't see that she's doing this to someone she's meant to care about. But that also depends on whether Amy is 'bragging' maybe inadvertently or if Tina is just volunteering her unwanted opinion because she feels like it?

Lavender14 · 14/02/2026 23:41

Hobbes8 · 14/02/2026 23:35

Tina’s a hypocrite if she doesn’t think Amy should buy a bigger house but she has a whole extra flat she rents out on air BnB.

And also this... an air bnb is worse than a house upgrade ffs..

sprigatito · 14/02/2026 23:43

They both sound quite obnoxious, for various reasons, but Tina is the one in the wrong as far as this dispute is concerned. She needs to take her big beak out of other people’s affairs.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 14/02/2026 23:44

Tina is also a hypocrite if she has a flat she doesn’t live in and only occasionally rents out.

AMillionPeopleCheering · 15/02/2026 00:30

The hobby must be horse riding.

Talipesmum · 15/02/2026 00:35

Tina has a lot of opinions on what Amy does, but it doesn’t sound like Amy has been voicing any opinions back at Tina. Amy is just getting on with her life, not criticising others. Sure Tina can think she’d do things differently, but it’s rude to keep going on about how Amy is doing it all wrong, when it’s nothing to do with her! Doesn’t particularly sound like Amy is over sharing - it’s not unreasonable to talk about kids hobbies, potential plan for house move etc with close friends.

For me, though I wouldn’t make the same decisions as Amy, Tina is totally in the wrong here and needs to zip it, she’s sounding jealous and over critical of something that’s none of her business and isn’t harming anyone.

Noonshine · 15/02/2026 00:38

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:36

Think this is a little unkind

I’ve had rough few years and that friendship group was a lovely happy supportive space for me to escape for a few hours.

So yes, probably have thought about it too much but it means a lot

Well, either ignore it and put it out of your head, or say ‘You’re boring me’?

teamaven · 15/02/2026 00:38

Tina sounds jealous

EvangelineTheNightStar · 15/02/2026 00:40

It really can’t be a friendship issue as they don’t sound friends!
does Tina fancy Amy’s Dh?

cordeliavorkosigan · 15/02/2026 00:50

People share so much with friends, but even then, often not financial information or details of how much things cost or how they are paid for. That's the way they are oversharing, I think.
Amy should stop giving details about the hobby and house plans, especially their costs.
No one should buy designer clothes for DC.
Sorted. 😁

RitaFires · 15/02/2026 00:52

Tina sounds really overbearing, trying to dictate what houses people can buy and what clothes children can wear. With such different parenting philosophies it's surprising she ever became friends with Amy in the first place. The friendship is doomed if Amy ever responds to the criticisms, I'm sure there are elements of Tina's behaviour that she could take issue with.

It doesn't sound to me like Amy's done much wrong, she wants to support her child's hobby and has also considered moving house, that sounds totally reasonable to me. As for her kids wearing branded items to school, I would find it excessive if they're swanning around in Gucci and Prada but branded could mean Skechers and a Jansport bag which I wouldn't expect many people to look twice at.

Alwaysontherun · 15/02/2026 01:12

Tina needs to mind her own business and focus on her own kids

Stigsmother · 15/02/2026 01:13

Tina needs to mind her own business, and stop presenting as a jealous stickybeak.
Amy should buy the new horse, and the land it needs and continue to enjoy her life.

AllotmentTime · 15/02/2026 03:50

Team Amy, buy the baby grand piano and tell Tina to wind her neck in.

Sparklingwaterornothing · 15/02/2026 07:33

RitaFires · 15/02/2026 00:52

Tina sounds really overbearing, trying to dictate what houses people can buy and what clothes children can wear. With such different parenting philosophies it's surprising she ever became friends with Amy in the first place. The friendship is doomed if Amy ever responds to the criticisms, I'm sure there are elements of Tina's behaviour that she could take issue with.

It doesn't sound to me like Amy's done much wrong, she wants to support her child's hobby and has also considered moving house, that sounds totally reasonable to me. As for her kids wearing branded items to school, I would find it excessive if they're swanning around in Gucci and Prada but branded could mean Skechers and a Jansport bag which I wouldn't expect many people to look twice at.

Thanks for this - it’s mainly branded sports labels Amy buys along with a few items that would be classed as designer I think. She has never bragged about this, or brought it up. Tina has just noticed they always have new clothes and brought it up.

as for sharing financial details Amy struggled to afford the weekly costs of her DCs hobby before her DH got new job, so again not bragging she just shared a few details and we were supportive.

as for them being friends in the first place, I’m starting to think Tina took much less issue with Amy when she had less money.

My DH was home the morning the clothing was discussed and he thinks I need to tell Tina to stop being so rude!

OP posts:
CraftySeal · 15/02/2026 08:04

I'd probably have similar opinions to Tina to a certain extent (not the thing about bigger houses should be for those who need them though) but I wouldn't voice them unless I was specifically asked what I thought, or I saw that friend was stressed about the financial situation. And then I'd try to do it very tactfully.

828Pax · 15/02/2026 08:05

Tina because it's absolutely none of her business what Amy spends her money on

Macaroni46 · 15/02/2026 08:12

Tina is being judgy towards Amy. Yes Amy could be considered wasteful and materialistic yet for all Tina’s eco views, she’s the one with 4 children - that’s also a lifestyle choice which in my opinion is excessive. So they’re both as bad as each other!

Harrietsaunt · 15/02/2026 08:14

Tina is right. However, she needs to learn to keep her big gob shut.

If Amy wants to spend/waste hideous amounts of money on a hobby that DC will probably just abandon one day without warning, that’s up to her.

Untailored · 15/02/2026 08:19

Tina is envious of Amy’s wealth and tries to cover it up with moralising about Amy’s choices.

Getthetea · 15/02/2026 08:20

Tina should keep her opinions to herself, she sounds jealous.

TheMorgenmuffel · 15/02/2026 08:21

Unless Amy is asking her to pay for it or is asking for advice on her options, Tina needs to keep her beak out.