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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who is being unreasonable in this friendship

146 replies

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:03

Friendship between two mums - for the past 5 years have been quite close, share a lot see each other maybe once or twice a week. Have always been supportive of each other.

First friend - let’s call her Amy is doing very well financially since last year with her own small business alongside a part time job, Amy’s husband also has new well paid job - however this requires time away from home. Amy has 2 DC.

Second friend - calling her Tina, Tina is a stay at home mum with 4 DC, she is university educated and prior children worked full time, Tina’s husband earns well but not as well as Amy’s husband, Tina infrequently lets out an air b n b flat.

One of Amy’s DC is an extremely good at a hobby, this is an expensive hobby - lessons twice weekly and the next price of equipment the DC needs is around 15k. This equipment also takes up a lot of space.

Tina doesn’t think it’s necessary for Amy to buy this equipment, and has been vocal about this in front of mutual friends, Tina thinks the DC can continue with the equipment they already have although the results are of a lower grade, Amy also mentioned possibly getting a mortgage to move to a bigger property to give DC more room for this hobby, or maybe an attic conversion, Tina thinks that getting a bigger house with a small family is wasteful and that it creates an unfair balance in society with more affluent people taking the bigger homes they don’t actually need.

Amy’s DC both enjoy branded clothing, are quite fussy about what they wear, Tina thinks Amy should buy plain clothes that aren’t branded and are cheaper. Tina dislikes waste and thinks that children shouldn’t have excess clothing or shoes as they don’t get used and it’s bad for the environment. Amy thinks it’s fine to buy the kids the clothes they ask for, Tina thinks this creates unrealistic expectations and dislikes that Amy buys branded trainers and backpacks for school as creates divide in school.

who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 14/02/2026 22:32

Tina sounds like my ex-friend...who is no longer my friend because she was a such massive fun sponge about everything...

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:32

redskyAtNigh · 14/02/2026 22:23

Amy is being massively insensitive to show off about her family wealth all the time.

Tina is being unreasonable to comment on Amy's conversation about her lifestyle (although it's possibly a defensive reaction to it).

I don't think this friendship is likely to continue much longer - how did they get to know each other in the first place?

Amy Tina and myself met when the eldest DCs were small, been especially close friends for 5 years.

has always been a lovely and supportive friendship group until recently.

I wouldn’t say Amy shows off - she answers when asked about things. She’s perhaps talked a lot about starting a small business but I’ve enjoyed watching her succeed.

OP posts:
Catza · 14/02/2026 22:33

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:18

Mutual friend to both! I host the coffees at my house a lot so both are here weekly during term time when the kids are all at school.

just wondering what others thought.

In that case you are the one who's unreasonable to give it so much head space.

PollyBell · 14/02/2026 22:34

They all sound childish

Keepingthingsinteresting · 14/02/2026 22:35

Tina sounds jealous and should keep her nose out of stuff that is nothing to do with her. She is entitled to have views on her own DC’s clothes and hobbies, and her own house, but where does she get off trying to tell other people what to do with their lives and their money.

CottageLoaf · 14/02/2026 22:35

Tina should wind her neck in.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 14/02/2026 22:36

SandAndSea · 14/02/2026 22:11

Both.
Tina is over-stepping.
Amy is over-sharing.

👏

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:36

Catza · 14/02/2026 22:33

In that case you are the one who's unreasonable to give it so much head space.

Think this is a little unkind

I’ve had rough few years and that friendship group was a lovely happy supportive space for me to escape for a few hours.

So yes, probably have thought about it too much but it means a lot

OP posts:
Evaka · 14/02/2026 22:38

Dynamic sounds very odd. Everyone knows too much of each other's business and conversation topics are braggy and dull.

CinnamonBuns67 · 14/02/2026 22:42

Whilst I entirely agree with Tina's views as I would be thinking the same thing, she is unreasonable for voicing this as they are Amy's kids so if Amy and her husband wish to fork out for their children's branded clothes and new equipment for hobby then that's their decision to make. Tina should say "not my circus not my monkeys" repeatedly if needed and just keep her opinions on the matter to herself as they aren't her kids, it isn't her money so it isn't her business.

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:42

Evaka · 14/02/2026 22:38

Dynamic sounds very odd. Everyone knows too much of each other's business and conversation topics are braggy and dull.

Genuinely shocked at the posters saying it’s oversharing or we all know too much about each others business. It never occurred to me that I shouldn’t share or be guarded with information with friends.

OP posts:
Zero2ten · 14/02/2026 22:42

Amy’s going to get fed up of Tina banging on with her opinions that are ultimately none of her business. If you want the group to continue you’re going to have to have back up plans of changing the subject quickly when you’re together

user2848502016 · 14/02/2026 22:45

Tina sounds like hard work, none of this is her business

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:46

CinnamonBuns67 · 14/02/2026 22:42

Whilst I entirely agree with Tina's views as I would be thinking the same thing, she is unreasonable for voicing this as they are Amy's kids so if Amy and her husband wish to fork out for their children's branded clothes and new equipment for hobby then that's their decision to make. Tina should say "not my circus not my monkeys" repeatedly if needed and just keep her opinions on the matter to herself as they aren't her kids, it isn't her money so it isn't her business.

I also agree with a lot of Tina’s views, specifically on the clothing. However I don’t choose to voice this opinion in the way Tina does.

OP posts:
Economicsday · 14/02/2026 22:49

Tina should mind her own business.
Don't get involved OP.

Scramado · 14/02/2026 22:52

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:46

I also agree with a lot of Tina’s views, specifically on the clothing. However I don’t choose to voice this opinion in the way Tina does.

Yeh I think designer clothing on kids is usually just for really insecure parents. But I think Amy can buy whatever house she likes. I don’t quite get Tina’s veiw here. Who on earth wants to be constantly stepping over stuff when you could just get a bigger house and have places to put things?

Splat92 · 14/02/2026 22:53

I think Tina is unreasonable in voicing her opinions, but not unreasonable to have those opinions.

If Amy wants to make those financial decisions (not ones I would choose) I don't think she's being unreasonable but she does sound like she is investing a lot in one child so is potentially being unreasonable if one child is being prioritised over the other.

HellonHeels · 14/02/2026 22:57

Tina is a virtue signalling judgmental bore.

Amy is a spendthrift bore who places too much emphasis on appearances and money.

nomas · 14/02/2026 23:03

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:42

Genuinely shocked at the posters saying it’s oversharing or we all know too much about each others business. It never occurred to me that I shouldn’t share or be guarded with information with friends.

Tina and Amy would instantly recognise themselves if they saw this thread, and you’ve made Tina sound like a right twat.

Have you not realised til now you don’t like Tina?

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 23:06

Splat92 · 14/02/2026 22:53

I think Tina is unreasonable in voicing her opinions, but not unreasonable to have those opinions.

If Amy wants to make those financial decisions (not ones I would choose) I don't think she's being unreasonable but she does sound like she is investing a lot in one child so is potentially being unreasonable if one child is being prioritised over the other.

I would be shocked if she prioritised one over the other, the one without the expensive hobby is younger though so hard to tell yet

OP posts:
SconehengeRevenge · 14/02/2026 23:16

Team Amy.

Tina needs to zip it, regardless of whether or not she's right.
It's not her place

PuppyMonkey · 14/02/2026 23:24

Don’t tell me, the hobby would be outing?

And yet it’s all I can think about.

Is it humunculai?

Coconutter24 · 14/02/2026 23:28

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 22:46

I also agree with a lot of Tina’s views, specifically on the clothing. However I don’t choose to voice this opinion in the way Tina does.

Tina is being unreasonable. It’s non of her business what Amy does. So what if Amy buys branded clothes that’s her decision to make not Tina’s

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 14/02/2026 23:29

Tina is a busybody, isn’t she! None of this is any of her concern.

Sparklingwaterornothing · 14/02/2026 23:30

PuppyMonkey · 14/02/2026 23:24

Don’t tell me, the hobby would be outing?

And yet it’s all I can think about.

Is it humunculai?

Yes sorry - will be too outing.

the child in question is extremely good at it for the length of time they’ve been doing it! Child also gets a lot of enjoyment from it.

I’ve personally seen the child do the hobby and it’s amazing what they’ve achieved!

my opinion is that they should have the new piece of equipment, I’d do the same for my DC.

OP posts: