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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To end my two friendships over this? (Pregnancy)

349 replies

Fluffymop · 14/02/2026 12:44

I recently found out I was pregnant, and although I’m only 7 weeks I’m excited. No cramping and no blood or anything. So far so good.

i have two best friends. (They don’t know each other)- but both have reacted terribly.

My first friend has reacted the strangest. I told her because we talk every single day, do things together often and my partner works away and family are quite far, so thought it would be good for someone to know. I’ve been there for her through everything, break ups, her dad’s illness, driving to hospitals at 4am, lent her money when she’s been short. Helped her move house.

So when I told her her first comment was “well don’t get attached as there’s a 50% likelihood you’ll miscarry” so I agreed, though don’t believe it’s that high, but said that of course I’ll be cautious until 12 weeks. She then proceeded to ignore me for 9 days. We usually speak daily on WhatsApp. I didn’t actually mind the peace but then she sent me a long message saying that I had basically ruined her life. She wants children (she’s in a brand new relationship). She can’t control her emotions or anger towards my situation and will be fine as long as baby is never mentioned. That she can’t put into words how she feels but she isn’t pleased at all. She just kept saying repeatedly she’s struggling with her emotions.

She has never struggled with infertility or anything and has been on birth control for the last fifteen years. Of course, if this was the case then I’d have been more sensitive. There’s no reason to suggest she couldn’t fall next month. I now feel just bitter and upset towards her. And made to feel guilty for being pregnant even though I’m a woman in her mid thirties and own my own home etc.

Next friend, bit more understandable. She had an ectopic 17 years ago. I had to tell her as we had a holiday to the US booked two weeks after my expected due date. She was fine but said that she wouldn’t be able to speak to me until baby is here. I sadly said that’s fine and have given her space.

but I just feel upset. I’m not expecting anyone to jump for joy. End of the day nobody is really excited for a baby other than family, but I’ve stuck by these two people through thick and thin. I’ve been there at 4am through breakups, driven hours to pick them up places, just always been a loyal and good friend and both have cut me out because I’m pregnant. We are mid 30’s by the way.

It’s making me feel like even if I go to my 12 week scan and my pregnancy isn’t successful. I dont want to be their friends anymore? AIBU?

OP posts:
BedtimeBrainFog · 14/02/2026 15:18

Congrats @Fluffymop! I’m so sorry your friends are horrible self centred twats.
Clear some space in your life and when the time is right maybe do NCT, baby classes etc and make new, good and loyal friends. You deserved them.
If things happen for a reason maybe they showed you exactly who they are right now so you wouldn’t waste your pregnancy babysitting grown women’s feelings and instead get to use the headspace to focus on your growing baby.
Wishing you all the very best ✨

Alpacajigsaw · 14/02/2026 15:19

They’re both cunts

cavalier · 14/02/2026 15:22

What a toxic nasty pair.. when your beautiful baby is here your whole life will change anyway and priorities are turned right round as they should be 👍 I would go as far as the first friend is a wicked woman .. My DIL Had an ectopic and it was very traumatic all round .. she went in to have to healthy beautiful boys 🙏 Even strangers at the maternity hospital she was sharing a ward with , had been so kind to he explaining that they’d had one before but don’t worry as they went on to have 1,2, or 3 …plus babies afterwards ❤️Your whole life will change once your precious little bundle is here and priorities will take a full circle turn ⭐️Congratulations and have a wonderful time with your brand new family 🍼👶🤰

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 14/02/2026 15:25

Grammarninja · 14/02/2026 15:11

Op, I know where they're coming from. When you are really close with a friend for many years and the expectation becomes that you're each other's family, a baby is a huge spanner in the works.
If you can be truly honest with yourself, do you think if friend1 had texted to say she was pregnant and you weren't, would you be very excited for her?
I went through something similar with my best friend. When my husband proposed, she was clearly unhappy about it. We had, to that point, the closest of friendships. Soul mates is a term we used. The proposal and ensuing wedding clearly upset her though she wouldn't admit it. She was in a very long relationship at that point but he hadn't popped the question.
That was the first knock our friendship took.
We had always fantasised about having babies at the same time and raising them together. As a result, I held off on having a baby because I thought it was something we were determined to experience together.
She married 2 years after me. I asked her when she was thinking of starting a family and she said not for a while. I'm 3 yrs older so was looking to get the show on the road.
She then announced she was pregnant. No heads up, nothing.
Just like that, our social life was out the window and her focus was suddenly on her family unit and the future.
I felt so betrayed. I couldn't find it in me for months to be happy for her. I felt she had made a decision with only herself in mind and hadn't factored me in when that's all I had ever done with her.
We remained friends but she knew I felt hurt. She couldn't understand why I wasn't happy for her. She made my wedding year hell on earth but I had made hers wonderful and then she expected me to be joyous at her news.
I have a child now too. I got over my issues with her but things will never be the same.

I can't believe what I've read here. You both sound ridiculous. Grown adults carrying on like this is unbelievable.

the7Vabo · 14/02/2026 15:27

Fluffymop · 14/02/2026 13:19

Weirdly enough they’d always been pretty good friends. Friend 1, does have a habit of being bitter unless her life is going amazing. She’s always had a little bitterness to anyone having nice things but never expected this. I think it could be an attention thing as she also struggles when someone else has any sort of lime light. But she’s never been horrible per se.

Friend 2, is nicer but again, is a bit of a complainer and due to her health issues, does see the world as a bit of a bad place at times.

but alas, does not mean they can be so bloody horrible to their friend.

I think for Friend 2 you are being a bit willfully blind. It doesn’t sound like they “decided not to have kids”, it’s seems to have been based on health reasons so they are childless not by choice.

Friend 1 is being a bit daft, and needs to control her emotions.

For what it’s worth I had a very close friend, as a 1 at friend. By the time I had my first child she had 3. She made it clear she felt that motherhood was her gig, and didn’t like others having babies younger than hers. It affected our friendship to the extent that we are no longer friends. She went on to have another child, I’d say motivated at least somewhat because she wanted to have the baby in the extended family.

Id have a lot more time for Friend 2. Friend 1 could easily have a baby in a couple of years, I’d ask her if she expects your support in that case to make her reflect on it.

Thattimenow · 14/02/2026 15:27

Grammarninja · 14/02/2026 15:11

Op, I know where they're coming from. When you are really close with a friend for many years and the expectation becomes that you're each other's family, a baby is a huge spanner in the works.
If you can be truly honest with yourself, do you think if friend1 had texted to say she was pregnant and you weren't, would you be very excited for her?
I went through something similar with my best friend. When my husband proposed, she was clearly unhappy about it. We had, to that point, the closest of friendships. Soul mates is a term we used. The proposal and ensuing wedding clearly upset her though she wouldn't admit it. She was in a very long relationship at that point but he hadn't popped the question.
That was the first knock our friendship took.
We had always fantasised about having babies at the same time and raising them together. As a result, I held off on having a baby because I thought it was something we were determined to experience together.
She married 2 years after me. I asked her when she was thinking of starting a family and she said not for a while. I'm 3 yrs older so was looking to get the show on the road.
She then announced she was pregnant. No heads up, nothing.
Just like that, our social life was out the window and her focus was suddenly on her family unit and the future.
I felt so betrayed. I couldn't find it in me for months to be happy for her. I felt she had made a decision with only herself in mind and hadn't factored me in when that's all I had ever done with her.
We remained friends but she knew I felt hurt. She couldn't understand why I wasn't happy for her. She made my wedding year hell on earth but I had made hers wonderful and then she expected me to be joyous at her news.
I have a child now too. I got over my issues with her but things will never be the same.

No words

Both of you…. F**k!!!

Dimpledaisies · 14/02/2026 15:29

I'm sorry I'd be telling them both to fuck off. Sound like a pair of dickheads!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope you find some lovely new friends who actually care about you and your baby ❤️

Thingscouldntgetanyworse · 14/02/2026 15:29

Sorry but they both sound like terrible people

CaragianettE · 14/02/2026 15:30

Dontlletmedownbruce · 14/02/2026 12:56

That's awful OP. Not to sound unsympathetic but the second friend who can't cope with you being pg is also being really selfish. I think you are too kind saying it's somewhat understandable. Yes she had her struggles but many women do, she needs to grow up and accept what life has thrown at her. I understand she might be pissed off over the holiday but that's different, she is allowed be annoyed her holiday plans have changed but not be annoyed with you. I don't even know what to say about the first friend, she sounds pathetic and immature.

If they come back apologising in the next few weeks maybe there is some hope, friends are hard to come by and a mediocre friend may be better than none if you want to go out and have fun. If they don't apologise I think you are well rid. I feel really bad for you, you deserve support and positivity at this time.

Yes she had her struggles but many women do, she needs to grow up and accept what life has thrown at her.

What's the logic here, though? Why does OP's friend have to grow up and accept that life has thrown a struggle with fertility at her, but OP doesn't have to grow up and accept that life has thrown friends who struggle with her pregnancy at her? I'm not saying I agree with the last part, I understand that it's painful for OP, but the first part was clearly very painful for OP's friend. Why show compassion for one and not the other?

ThejoyofNC · 14/02/2026 15:31

Grammarninja · 14/02/2026 15:11

Op, I know where they're coming from. When you are really close with a friend for many years and the expectation becomes that you're each other's family, a baby is a huge spanner in the works.
If you can be truly honest with yourself, do you think if friend1 had texted to say she was pregnant and you weren't, would you be very excited for her?
I went through something similar with my best friend. When my husband proposed, she was clearly unhappy about it. We had, to that point, the closest of friendships. Soul mates is a term we used. The proposal and ensuing wedding clearly upset her though she wouldn't admit it. She was in a very long relationship at that point but he hadn't popped the question.
That was the first knock our friendship took.
We had always fantasised about having babies at the same time and raising them together. As a result, I held off on having a baby because I thought it was something we were determined to experience together.
She married 2 years after me. I asked her when she was thinking of starting a family and she said not for a while. I'm 3 yrs older so was looking to get the show on the road.
She then announced she was pregnant. No heads up, nothing.
Just like that, our social life was out the window and her focus was suddenly on her family unit and the future.
I felt so betrayed. I couldn't find it in me for months to be happy for her. I felt she had made a decision with only herself in mind and hadn't factored me in when that's all I had ever done with her.
We remained friends but she knew I felt hurt. She couldn't understand why I wasn't happy for her. She made my wedding year hell on earth but I had made hers wonderful and then she expected me to be joyous at her news.
I have a child now too. I got over my issues with her but things will never be the same.

"my wedding year" tells me all I need to know..

Silvermadmonkey · 14/02/2026 15:33

Friends are there for you at your worst, and support and champion you at your best. These girls aren’t your friends.

OneHundredDays · 14/02/2026 15:33

They are both horrible people. Absolutely nothing excuses reacting the way they did. My first baby died at 2 weeks old. It didn't stop me being happy for pregnant friends, even though it was a bit difficult for me in the first couple of years.

Ditch them and focus on other friendships. You will soon hopefully have a new set of mum friends as well.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope it goes smoothly.

Lifeomars · 14/02/2026 15:34

Congratulations on your pregnancy, hope you are happy and healthy. As for these two women, I reckon both of them think that your impending motherhood means that you will no longer be useful for them as your time will naturally be focused on your little one. What mean and selfish people they are. They should be delighted for you rather than sulking. Get rid of them, you will make new friends with other new parents. Wishing you all the best

Fairy25 · 14/02/2026 15:35

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I can understand why some people might find it hard to hear about others’ baby joy but as a friend you are happy for your friend. They are not good friends, they only think of themselves. Jealous. You’ll meet lots of people once your baby is born and even before in pre-natal classes etc. so don’t bother with them anymore. I hope they will have a good think about their behaviour and apologise. I wish you all the best x friendships usually change during this time anyway as you will feel more akin with other mums and they’ll be hardly fun to be with anymore if they are not happy for you x

Chiaseedling · 14/02/2026 15:35

Your friends are awful. Once my friend and Sue were due within a couple of weeks of each other and I sadly miscarried - it was tough for me but I never laid guilt on her - I got pregnant again a few months later and our DCs are 5 months apart and grew up together.
Time to ditch these self/obsessed idiots. You’ll make friends w other mums soon enough!

Alpacajigsaw · 14/02/2026 15:38

Grammarninja · 14/02/2026 15:11

Op, I know where they're coming from. When you are really close with a friend for many years and the expectation becomes that you're each other's family, a baby is a huge spanner in the works.
If you can be truly honest with yourself, do you think if friend1 had texted to say she was pregnant and you weren't, would you be very excited for her?
I went through something similar with my best friend. When my husband proposed, she was clearly unhappy about it. We had, to that point, the closest of friendships. Soul mates is a term we used. The proposal and ensuing wedding clearly upset her though she wouldn't admit it. She was in a very long relationship at that point but he hadn't popped the question.
That was the first knock our friendship took.
We had always fantasised about having babies at the same time and raising them together. As a result, I held off on having a baby because I thought it was something we were determined to experience together.
She married 2 years after me. I asked her when she was thinking of starting a family and she said not for a while. I'm 3 yrs older so was looking to get the show on the road.
She then announced she was pregnant. No heads up, nothing.
Just like that, our social life was out the window and her focus was suddenly on her family unit and the future.
I felt so betrayed. I couldn't find it in me for months to be happy for her. I felt she had made a decision with only herself in mind and hadn't factored me in when that's all I had ever done with her.
We remained friends but she knew I felt hurt. She couldn't understand why I wasn't happy for her. She made my wedding year hell on earth but I had made hers wonderful and then she expected me to be joyous at her news.
I have a child now too. I got over my issues with her but things will never be the same.

This is ridiculous

Londontown12 · 14/02/2026 15:39

A proper friend regardless would be happy for you !!!!
If I had deep feelings on this topic throu loss or wanting a baby I would still be happy for you ! That's what's friends are supportive of each other and this shows me it's all been a bit one sided u have been a good friend !
I would ditch them take care of yourself go to some anti natal classes and meet similar minded friends !
HUGE CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy from a stranger who is happy for u !!!!! X

Teacup40 · 14/02/2026 15:40

Sounds to me like they realise that when you have a baby you will no longer be there to take advantage of, are any of the things you do ever reciprocated? I'm guessing either no or not often. If any of my friends reacted this way to my news they would no longer be friends of mine. You sound like a good friend and you will get chance to make new friends at antenatal/ baby classes save your energy for new friends that are worth it. Congratulations!

meganorks · 14/02/2026 15:41

Congratulations OP on your pregnancy Flowers

Sorry your friends are being so awful. But I agree with you, you need to ditch them. Its hard to see how you could go back. Personally I would cancel the holiday and pay the deposit of your friend and make no further contact. Im sure at some point they will both come back to you. And unless its with a grovelling apology, I would ignore.

Littlejellyuk · 14/02/2026 15:47

Fluffymop · 14/02/2026 13:19

Weirdly enough they’d always been pretty good friends. Friend 1, does have a habit of being bitter unless her life is going amazing. She’s always had a little bitterness to anyone having nice things but never expected this. I think it could be an attention thing as she also struggles when someone else has any sort of lime light. But she’s never been horrible per se.

Friend 2, is nicer but again, is a bit of a complainer and due to her health issues, does see the world as a bit of a bad place at times.

but alas, does not mean they can be so bloody horrible to their friend.

I personally would try to see this as a win 💕

As they have both shown their true colours, and I wouldn't see it as 15 years wasted, but more like you have dodged a bullet before giving birth. 👊

THEY ARE A PAIR OF CUNTS! 😠 😡 😤
Who needs enemies when you have self absorbed friends like these? 🤔
Fuck that shit. Turn them loose 💥

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Wave them goodbye 👋
@Fluffymop

Soreenmaltloaf23 · 14/02/2026 15:48

They are both shit friends and clearly very self centred. Are you usually the one checking on them/doing what they want? Go out and make new friends and enjoy your happy news.

Shell18celhave · 14/02/2026 15:51

DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 14/02/2026 12:46

Ditch them both. They sound horrible.

This. As a friend you deserve so much more from them

Velvetgoldmine · 14/02/2026 15:54

They are not friends to you. Anyone who cares about you would delight in your happiness. They seem like people who have been happy to absorb your good intentions and kindness but who dont expect to reciprocate. Neither of them will be a great loss to you going forward. You will find kinder and more involved friends as you move through life. Ditch these two.

crowsfleet · 14/02/2026 15:55

Especially your first friend is completely unhinged. She sound abusive tbh. Good riddance.

Friend two might need some time and you’re right to forget about her for now.

Sorry both have been so salty.

Congratulations on your pregnancy xx

Sunshineclouds11 · 14/02/2026 16:01

Congratulations!

Sorry your friends are shit. Their loss. Enjoy your pregnancy.

also, don't offer to pay in full for the holiday!

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