one holiday too many?

[robbys82]

Quite a long one here. I'll try to be succinct.
am I unreasonable to try to have the same summer holiday with my brother/sister again? sister has a summer villa in France that we can visit for no cost. ⁹and I want to go again this summer but partner does not.

we went last summer, and 3 and 4 years before. I accept it's repetitive, and also in a very quiet area of France, but it's also really cheap, has a pool, and our 2 boys (6 and 8) love the time with their cousins ( and want to go again). it's for 2 weeks. but partner will be working for 1. so I suggest they join us for the 2nd week only .

For context, my partner and I both get decent summer holidays and wage. but I am part time (3 days a week compared to 5) . partner earns approx double (25 Vs 50). I do absolutely all the house care and child care. but I want to see my family in the summer (brother lives in Canada and this is the time he can visit each year and sister lives away and is usually working).

dh says he doesn't want to spend so long away from our boys and doesn't want to go again to France. but I'd argue that he will be working anyway for 1 week in uk (and it's only 8 days that he would have to be there in France afterwards). I should also say that there is a 4 week gap beforehand when we are both off work ( and the school holidays for the kids) where I would be willing to go along with any other holiday plans whatsoever.

am I being unreasonable to go ahead and book flights? ultimately, can I insist on 14 days that I dictate in the year and just take the boys away? or should I take a year off from seeing my brother and stay at home wishing we were there, while my partner works each day? I doubt there could be anything in the middle

Maybe YOU should learn to read.

Because I've said multiple times that they should go while he's working - but only if they can also have a family holiday just the four of them.

And she should ignore him.

HTH.

Right.

So they have to buy return flights for that one week, or they can have two weeks for near enough the exact same price….

Yes - because he doesn't want to spend a week with his in-laws, which is totally valid.

OP gets a week with her family, they get a week as a four. Seems perfectly fair to me.

I can’t tell if you’re purposely not getting it.

He doesn’t have to go with them.

The holiday will cost the same if it’s one week or two.

She and the kids want to do two.

The only thing stopping them is her husband saying they can’t.

Oh And he gets most of the summer holidays off work. He’s not only got that one week off.

Ok, so you're advocating taking children out of the country against the wishes of their other parent, are you?

Yes - because he wants a week with his family without his in-laws.

You're the one who's "purposefully not getting it"

Yep. I actually don't see a problem with it. I'd say the same if a dad wanted to take his kids to see his siblings and mum was throwing a tantrum too.

There's quite a big problem with taking children out of the country against the wishes of the other parent, but I'm not sure it's worth trying to explain that to you.

“my partner and I both get decent summer holidays and wage”

He gets more than that ONE week!

No. He should agree to their going.

I agree. Which is why I think her going for a week while he’s working is a fair compromise. I think if the OP (in her words) “dictates” and books for 2 weeks regardless, then that’s unreasonable.

A week is the sensible answer while the partner is working.

It is. But he said no, which is why this post happened.

You’re wrong. The only offer the OP made is that it has to be 2 weeks, with the partner at home for a week and then “only has to be in France for 8 days”.

OP finishes by saying they don’t see any possibility for anything in the middle.

But clearly the middle ground is they go for a week and then return. If the partner says no to that, then the partner is very definitely being unreasonable / controlling.

How many weeks can the OP go for before the partner is reasonable allowed to suggest they’re not okay with it? 3 weeks? 4 weeks?

From the OP:

dh says he doesn't want to spend so long away from our boys

Does his mind change when the offer is to take them for just the week? Because that's not been said.

What he's saying is that despite him working that week, their children can't go away on holiday without him. Unless he's JUST saying that because he doesn't want to go to France, in which case he's using them to be manipulative.

Neither looks good.

It’s clear he doesn’t want to go to France. I suspect he doesn’t want to holiday with his in-laws again after having done it for a number of years now. I think that’s fair enough and many people would feel the same.

It’s also clear he doesn’t want his wife and kids to go away for 2 weeks without him. Again, also fair enough and I don’t know anyone who has had a two week holiday with one of the parents being absent.

I would bet that he is saying he doesn’t want the kids away from him because the only option he’s been given is to join them for 8 days later, or they go for 2 weeks without him. He’s probably avoiding saying “I don’t want to come because I find your brother and sister insufferable”.

The OP should propose taking the kids for a week while he’s at work. Unless the flights for that eat a significant chunk into any family holiday budget, then OP’s partner is being wildly unreasonable and controlling to try and resist that. A week seems fair. 2 weeks seems excessive if one partner isn’t keen.

It’s the logical solution. Yet isn’t one what the OP can seemingly fathom at this point.

😂😂😂😂
I think anyone who begrudges their kids and wife a cheap as chips two-week holiday, in a villa with a pool, with their loved ones just because they don’t want to go it a selfish twat.

And you trying to change the circumstances to something you feel more comfortable arguing your point on, is ridiculous 😘

and I am so, so grateful my husband would just be happy for us

So you’re at 2 weeks being okay then?

I’m probably at 1 week tbh.

If it was every year, two weeks would be fine. In fact, if they really loved it, I would most likely be ok with the whole 6 weeks holiday.

They’re having fun, being well looked after and spending time with relatives they don’t get to see very often.

Who could begrudge their kids that?

It’s also clear he doesn’t want his wife and kids to go away for 2 weeks without him

He said that in response to meeting them after a week. So he feels a week away from them is too long.

You're determined she's in the wrong here. In laws or not, his wife and kids have the option of an almost free holiday, with people they love, and he's saying no.

You're just trying to defend him because you've started digging.

It is not ‘cheap as chips’ is it. Flights to France for 3 in school holidays are not cheap and if money is tight, it will come off the total holiday spend.

Money isn’t tight.

OP has said the flights are cheap, and even expressed the low cost of the holiday is a particular motivation.

Anything else?

“it’s also really cheap”

Do it.
Your husband is selfish.
The boys love it and its your time to see your family.
Its inexpensive.

Sounds like you do far too much parenting.

Suggest your take them for the fortnight and he do something with them on his own.

He sounds controlling more than anything.
In your place I would be looking at working full-time and stop doing anything for him.