Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unwashed Bumhole Smell

128 replies

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 20:59

Whole family have been ill with a horrid virus. Usually me and my partner get the children ready for school together, but today I asked if he wouldn't mind doing it so I could sleep in (he's up with the larks regardless, usually long before the children). I said I would do children tomorrow by myself (which of courses I will do) and give him a rub tonight because he's had body aches.

Roll on tonight, I ask "do you need a shower before I start giving you a massage"? As he felt a bit sticky and greasy, and idk some people tend to just get smellier easier. He said he had a shower this morning. Fine. And then starts laying the law down about how he doesn't want me to start "finding excuses" for not giving him a massage and I'm like "Fine, if you've had a shower this morning I'm sure there will be no issue". However, when he flipped over, I was hit by the foulest of smells - really very pungent. I asked him to have a 2 minute shower and he starts storming about, saying that it's all in my head 🙄 which is a trope he likes to trot out, like I'm insane and can't trust my own senses. How he shouldn't have to be "inconvenienced" by having a 2nd shower. I'm getting irritated by this point, as I don't see why he can't just have a two minute shower (I would hate to think someone was sat suffering my BO if the roles were reversed) and tell him not to bother, I don't want to spend any time with a man who doesn't meet basic hygiene requirements and is so bloody bolshy and difficult. He thinks I should just have put up with the very strong unwashed bum smell, because I had promised him a rub for letting me lay in. For the record, I have no issue giving rubs / massages and definitely wouldn't be looking for excuses not to give one. But think that the desire not to have intimate contact with someone who smells and is a foul tempered oaf to boot, trumps anything he was "owed". Am I unreasonable though? Should I have suffered through and not said anything to keep the peace?

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 12/02/2026 21:00

Is he usually such a minger? That sounds foul.

MidWayThruJanuary · 12/02/2026 21:01

I feel a bit ill after reading about bum hole smells...

Hankunamatata · 12/02/2026 21:02

Simple. You say - you want a massage you shower or bugger off

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 21:02

Fgs who said you were being unreasonable?

You're definitely NBU.

MaggieBsBoat · 12/02/2026 21:03

Apart from psycho narcissistic arseholes, smelly arseholes are the worst. YANBU.

aquashiv · 12/02/2026 21:03

That's utterly vile. So he can't even wipe his backside.

Pricelessadvice · 12/02/2026 21:03

Good god, I could never touch him again after smelling bum hole!

MonkeyPuddle · 12/02/2026 21:04

Christ…

MidWayThruJanuary · 12/02/2026 21:04

Are you really in a relationship with a man who cannot wipe himself properly after using the toilet @CantBreathe90 ?

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 12/02/2026 21:04

Is this a one off because you’ve all been ill?

Or a more……….regular issue?

balletflatblister · 12/02/2026 21:04

Urrrr I could just never be with a man who stinks

Lmnop22 · 12/02/2026 21:04

Your partner smells like an unwashed bumhole so you didn’t want to touch and rub him? YANBU. And yuck!

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 21:05

ChaToilLeam · 12/02/2026 21:00

Is he usually such a minger? That sounds foul.

He does shower every morning, but he's one of these people who tends to smell by the end of the day. Sometimes quite badly. He's on the bigger side, so that might be something to do with it.

OP posts:
Slightyamusedandsilly · 12/02/2026 21:05

That's disgusting.

My ex used to get me to promise blow jobs for doing favours for me. But would object to washing his genitalia first.

Men are vile.

FuzzyWolf · 12/02/2026 21:06

Missing the point here, but why do you have to offer an exchange to get some help with your children when you are ill?

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 12/02/2026 21:06

I will say these sort of hygiene threads on here and Reddit are always unanimous in the replies, body hygiene is a basic requirement and there is no excuse if you have access to basic laundry and bathroom facilities.

MidWayThruJanuary · 12/02/2026 21:06

@CantBreathe90
Why does him being fat excuse him from basic hygiene? Are you saying he can't reach behind to wipe himself properly?

Emori · 12/02/2026 21:07

Just sing him a song OP.

when your bum
Starts to hum
And it makes your wife glum
Wash the backdoor-eh

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 21:07

Thanks all for the sanity check. I didn't think I was BU, but he was trying to lay the law down saying I owed him one because I'd said I would, and that I was BU to ask him to shower. He's fuming over how "unreasonable" I've been so was doubting myself.

OP posts:
MidWayThruJanuary · 12/02/2026 21:08

Do not doubt yourself. He is a skanger.

Brightbluesomething · 12/02/2026 21:09

Wow 7% of people think this is ok? Also why do you have to trade for a lie in? Can he not just do something nice? Obviously not. Poor you

Iamsotiredandfedup · 12/02/2026 21:09

Slightyamusedandsilly · 12/02/2026 21:05

That's disgusting.

My ex used to get me to promise blow jobs for doing favours for me. But would object to washing his genitalia first.

Men are vile.

Oh no a bird bath at least please

I swear a lot of men don’t wash their arse cracks, I’ve ventured down (and swiftly returned back up) on a few of these fuckers

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 12/02/2026 21:09

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 21:05

He does shower every morning, but he's one of these people who tends to smell by the end of the day. Sometimes quite badly. He's on the bigger side, so that might be something to do with it.

Well would he not be more sensitive to this fact then, and wash more frequently? Two showers a day? Better anti perspirant? Body spray? Like, I sympathise with him but I had a bigger partner a while ago and he always smelt impeccable. Like, really really good. Clean as a whistle.

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 21:09

MidWayThruJanuary · 12/02/2026 21:06

@CantBreathe90
Why does him being fat excuse him from basic hygiene? Are you saying he can't reach behind to wipe himself properly?

Edited

I don't think it should. But I think he thinks that because he has showered that morning, he can't possibly smell. But he does.

OP posts:
MidWayThruJanuary · 12/02/2026 21:10

God, what some women put up with..