To be annoyed about the stickers?

[NerdySnoozer]

DS7 is in Primary 2 (equivalent of year 1) and his school has a toothbrushing lady to help the children brush their teeth after lunch.
The tooth brush lady has been handing out stickers once a week to all the children. Today my son has come home very upset as he was told he won’t be getting a sticker this week as he didn’t want to brush his teeth today. (He’s a bit reluctant at home too, but we manage. )Messaged teacher for more info, apparently about once a week he decides he’d prefer to not to brush. He’s not the best at speaking up so sometimes will just pretend he hasn’t heard and ignore instructions. The lady got annoyed today and said if he didn’t come to do them, he wouldn’t be allowed a sticker on Friday. Class teacher doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem, says the lady supplies her own stickers and prizes and isn’t employed by the school, just visits as part of her job. She can’t tell her who to give stickers to and doesn’t want to ask her not to give them out at all. Got the impression that the teacher thinks the children shouldn’t have any choice in the matter and need to comply or be punished. Normally I’d just leave it as school is school and just support at home but I’m finding myself really annoyed about it. DH thinks I’m upset over nothing and am probably just hormonal and if I’m that bothered I can withdraw consent for him to brush at school.
Am I unreasonable to think the bloody stickers just shouldn’t be used as a punisment?

Good for you OP, not many people come back if they're in the wrong

Well children might think the adult was annoyed, and perhaps she was.

No harm done

Has he done his teeth tonight though??!!

A teeth brushing teacher in a school is wild.

Never heard of that before

The initial conversation with class teacher was just for more information as DS didn’t seem clear on why he wasn’t getting a sticker, rather than trying to demand he be given one.

Did your son not realise he didn’t get a sticker because he didn’t brush his teeth? Did you not realise this? I don’t think a visit to the teacher was necessary.

I don't love "rewards" as a rule - so much so I did my dissertation on it and slated my own work place policies 🤣
But at least every child had the choice to earn this one. It wasn't about being the smartest or fastest or whatever. If anyone didn't get a sticker it is because they chose not to do the thing they had to do. I can't see that that's as much of a problem.

Whilst it is completely batshit that we've reached the point of someone s having to go into schools because kids don't brush their teeth, I would say the lack of sticker isn't a massive deal. Tell your son that morning and bedtime are the deal breaker toothbrushing times. Not all.kids like it and I used to brush dd's for her "like a baby" when she refused. I couldn't have cared less if she did it at school or not because I knew I was taking care of her teeth.

You mentioned he doesn't always do it at home are you taking this lack of sticker as a personal failing? You haven't done anything wrong. Kids have their own will. Dd is a teen now so I don't go and brush her teeth but she often does a shit job of it. I now explain that she will be paying the dentist bill when her teeth fall out which usually prompts a slightly more rigorous brushing.

Oh my god, what a ridiculous thing for you to complain about! He isn't being punished, he just isn't being reward for brushing his teeth because he didn't brush his teeth 🤦🏼‍♀️🫣🤯. Get an actual grip and save the battles form things that warrant them, otherwise you won't be taken seriously if you ever have an actual complaint!

God help us if there’s a war

He has! No stickers or bribes were offered but he was made aware that if he spent 10 minutes faffing about trying to avoid it then he’d run out of time for a book. Which on reflection of my current twat status really isn’t vastly different from being reminded he can’t have a sticker if he doesn’t brush his teeth 😅🙈😳

Yeah sorry but I do think you are overreacting, it's just a sticker. Something I was reading the other day, I think it was an excerpt from the book "Punished by Rewards" by Alfie Kohn, part of the message seemed to be that when we use rewards, the absence of a reward feels like a punishment which seems to be what you are feeling. I do agree with not over rewarding children for things because it can make them less intrisically motivated, but I don't think a sticker is that big of a deal and you can't control things like that being used by the school anyway. It certainly isn't something to complain about.

What does the sticker actually say? Is it something like a general picture of anthropomorphic Timmy the Tooth saying "Brushing your teeth is smart!" or does it actually say something more direct like "I just brushed my teeth!"?

If the latter, surely they couldn't be seen to be teaching him to blatantly lie?!

Part of the upset today has been that actually the stickers are highly sought after. He’s had Minecraft ones, football, monster trucks, squishmallows. DS told me there’s loads to pick from and apparently it’s a big deal to get to pick first.

YABU. Totally unreasonable!

The stickers are a reward for brushing. He didn't brush, so no reward. Not getting a reward is not a punishment, it is consistency.

He is upset that he won't get a sticker. So, next week, he's going to remember he didn't get a sticker because he didn't brush - and he'll (hopefully) brush his teeth, because he wants the sticker and that's how he gets the sticker. And the sticker will have done it's job of encouraging teeth brushing.

"Am I unreasonable to think the bloody stickers just shouldn’t be used as a punishment?"
They're NOT being used as a punishment, they are being used as a reward. A carrot, not a stick.

"I’m finding myself really annoyed about it."
Why?

Then you need to reinforce that if he wants to be rewarded with a sticker he needs to earn that reward by BRUSHING HIS TEETH!

Jesus, I despair. Truly

He didn’t brush his teeth, he didn’t get a sticker.
He didn’t do the task, so didn’t get the reward.
It’s that simple. Stop creating problems that aren’t there..

Well if he’s upset he won’t refuse next time then. Her system is working.

Clearly I’ve been a bit of a monster-mum tonight and owe class teacher an apology for the unnecessary messages. Last day before half term tomorrow so will buy cake for the staff room as acknowledgment of twatishness. Will continue to work on a script with DS for saying no respectfully and not ignoring people and practice my “that’s a shame, maybe next time you’ll brush your teeth” speech in the mirror before bed.
Consider me appropriately shamed.
Mortified! Hubby thinks this is hilarious.

But it’s not a punishment it’s a reward for following instructions and brushing his teeth why should he be rewarded with a sticker if he’s refusing to do as he’s told that will only make the other kids think that if they do the same thing they will still get a sticker. Brushing teeth = sticker at the end of the week it’s that simple.

Christ are we expecting schools to teach tooth brushing now??

Parenting has clearly reached new lows.

You are my favourite AIBU poster ever.
Take a bow.
Edited to say, no sarcasm on my part.

Apparently it’s a Scottish scheme with targeted funding for areas with higher levels of poverty. Most the schools in our area have the same so I forget it’s not normal elsewhere. Someone shared a link somewhere so I’ve been reading up 🤓 Seems like the scheme is very successful and reduces childhood cavities and decay 👍
just to add to my mortification at being offended 😩

😂 I would love to see a sticker saying “exercised my right to self determine my oral hygiene”

You seem lovely OP. I suppose it’s just a case of if you choose to brush your teeth you get a sticker and if you choose not to, you don’t. And then it’s up to your son what he does. Is there an issue with the taste of the toothpaste or does he just not want to do it?

Or one that says “I brushed my teeth this morning already”

What kind of a parent are you to allow your child to get away without brushing their teeth? This should be non-negotiable IMO. You are being unreasonable.

Good job the school is helping you parent properly - your child should understand the importance of preserving his teeth and mouth health.