Dad thinks he should have the kids if I'm not available.

[Daniella66]

My ex has the kids dd13, ds14 every second weekend and one evening a week. He has a close loving relationship with them. He's a good father.
I always leave the kids with my mother who lives next door if I'm unavailable. Ex says he should be given that time when opportunities arise. (He lives 5 mins away) I don't agree. It's my time so I'll decide what happens in those instances.

In which case the father is probably awful.

It doesn’t sound like you are asking a question really. You’ve decided he’s unreasonable to want to see his kids more, presumably up to 50% of the time.

Op 8 years is quite a long time and things have obviously changed for you. I’ve seen op’s where the exh had his mum mind the kids when he couldn’t and just thought but the mum could be spending time with them instead and I’d think the same here. Your kids can’t have you both as long as they probably like so surely they’d grab at any extra time they can with either of you?

Let him. Or does it bother you that courts could possibly side with dad and give him extra time with his kids on the occasions where you're out and need childcare? I don't get why you're bothered there's plenty of single parents out there who would love for their exes to step up and take more responsibility for their kids why is it bothering you so much that dad has said he would like to be given opportunity to look after his kids if you're going to leave them with your mum to go out or whatever?

That agreement is 8 years old woman!! Why are you one of those Mums who try and prevent a decent Dad having his kids? I think you ought to ask your kids how they feel (without giving leading questions to ensure they know how you feel).

I hope your ex goes back to court and gets more time with his kids. You seem very unreasonable. Why are you gatekeeping? Try and verge bigger person.

If you go to court the kids will be asked so why not cut out the middle man and ask them now.

eg "kids, I'm going out on Tuesday night, do you want to go round to your nan's or your dad's?"

Ask your children

This. The mind boggles. Poor kids.
Hope one day they find out you kept their Dad from them and reap what you sow.

Are you annoyed he didn't want them more when they were hard work little kids but now wants chilled teens to think he's the dedicated dad?

I get that you're probably resentful of him asking for more time after 8 years, but you going to court rather than talk to your DC is not putting them first.

If they have a good relationship, and he wants more time with them, where's the harm in him having them more? Sure they love their nanny, but he's their dad and he wants to see them.

Pushing the children’s dad into going to court to resolve this is a terrible idea for all concerned. Any solicitor would tell you the same. It will put your children in the awful position of having to choose between parents (and their gran). And the court is likely to go with your children’s wishes or possibly, particularly if it decides you’ve been trying to influence them, to award their father more time.

Where court orders are in place the parent decides what happens whilst they are in that parents allocated time.

The dad doesn't sound like a nice person at all if there are threats. If the kids are older then surely they would have already said anyway.

You previously said you hadn’t asked them.

You haven't talked to teens or asked them so they don't know their is a choice!

I can see why ex feels he needs court. You don't sound like your willing to flex or co parent at all

Yes, we only have the information OP has selectively chosen to give us. She still won't answer what the reason is for her being unavailable and for how long or why she won't ask the children if they would sometimes prefer to go to their Dad instead of their Gran.

Too many gaps in information

This.

Currently 88% of the vote says YABU. (Plus the poster who said they accidently pressed the wrong button). Considering there are some people on MN who will automatically support the woman over a man in any disagreement regardless of circumstances, that is huge.

In your circumstances, in that they are 5 mins walk away, most people would be happy to let the teens make their own choices (including staying at home on their own at times, I'd have thought, at their ages). Even separate if they prefer to sometimes. Understandable if one wants to watch something with their Dad, or game, or cook, or whatever, and the other wants to sit in with their Nan that night, why would that be an issue ?

If he is only 5 mins away then the kids should go there and not to your mums.

8 years is a long time ago and things change in life. Court arrangements aren't really relevant once kids get to a certain age, teenagers. They can go where they want to go really.

You sound very defensive.

Perhaps OP prefers leading questions like 'are you happy with Gran' to choices like 'would you prefer to go to Dad or Gran ?'
Big difference between like and prefer
She also won't tell us if her unavailability is for 2 hours or 36 hours.

U sound like a dick. Think yourself lucky u don’t have an ex who doesn’t give a fk and this man actually wants his kids. Why at 13 and 14 you have not given your kids an option. So selfish.

I can totally understand that you might be resentful towards him after doing nearly all the childcare for many years (especially when they were younger/more challenging), but he is still their father. If he’s a loving father, spending more time together will benefit your children. Think of them first and foremost.

It doesn’t matter if their is a court agreement, the agreement was made when the children were small, they are now teens and I’d be leaving the kids to decide who they spend there time with, the court will listen to what the children want as they are now at age where they can decide who to spend their time with.

What’s the point in posting on here then?

What did you want people to say?

YABU and very selfish @Daniella66. Imagine forcing the poor dad to go back to court because you are so intransigent about how much time he spends with his own children. You says that he is a good, loving dad so what possible reason can there be for him not spending more time with the DC? How much time are you 'unavailable' for? Are we talking a couple of hours after school or is it a lot more than this? Either way, a grandmother, who is helping you out all the time shouldn't be prioritised over the children's father.

Is it not positive he wants to see more of them? I think he should have the opportunity to look after them if you’re not around. You are being really obstructive here.