Dad thinks he should have the kids if I'm not available.

[Daniella66]

My ex has the kids dd13, ds14 every second weekend and one evening a week. He has a close loving relationship with them. He's a good father.
I always leave the kids with my mother who lives next door if I'm unavailable. Ex says he should be given that time when opportunities arise. (He lives 5 mins away) I don't agree. It's my time so I'll decide what happens in those instances.

Exactly. The DC are old enough to have their own opinions. 8 years is a long time and things change.

At the age your DS AND DD are i think you should consider what they would prefer. Ask them when you are "unavailable" would they rather spend their time with their dad or your mum?

Interesting how so many people want to ascribe negative motivations to him!
He went to court, got a court order and stuck to it for years. He's one of the better examples!

So instead of simply discussing with you and with the kids, as he has tried to do, you want him to go to the stupid expense both financial and time... of going to court, and the courts will almost certainly say to you 'thats perfectly reasonable for them to go to their Dads as long as the kids are happy with it'.

Do you enjoy wasting peoples time? Is there some back story as to why you hate this bloke?

8 Years ago is a fucking long time, thats when they were 5 and 6, things change, people change, children grow up!

Just let them know 'if you'd prefer to see your Dad, you can ring him/drop him a text'. Job done. Why the fucking drama?

As a solo parent with 2 DC that haven't seen their Dad in 2 years unless there's a safeguarding issue or a huge dripfeed yet to come it does sound like you are refusing to change the agreed court ordered contact out of spite. Given your DCs age they should be given the choice, do they want to go to their Nans or to their Dad's if you are not able to be home with them, and at their ages their could also be the 3rd option of staying home by themselves but obviously only you will know if this is an appropriate option or not.

I doubt you'll find a huge amount of sympathy on here given it appears a majority would love the father of their children to actually step up and do more of the parenting!

Why do you say he didn't want them more? How do you know that? It was decided in court what time he would have. If it hadn't been an argument it wouldn't have got to court, which implies he wanted them more and OP didn't agree!

This reads like it could be the first twenty minutes of a remake of “Mrs. Doubtfire.” 😂

He’s a good father? He wants to take care of your mutual kids? Let him take care of the kids!

Agreements change. Yours is 8 years old! Your children are teenagers, not far off young adults. Are you worried they’d prefer to see Dad than Nanny?

If he's threatening court, it's always seen in favour to show some co operation. Maybe switch some days with nan and some days with dad when you're not around. Then some days give them the option so they don't have the pressure to choose every time but a bit of choice now and again :)

10 pages... haven't RTFT... has she asked the kids what they want yet? 😅

Better make sure "nan" locks the door when she goes to the toilet, or the 14yo will find out it's really the dad!

He's asking for more time with them and you don't think he should? My ex's brother had his children every other weekend. He was desperate for more time with them. His ex would rather pay a childminder to have them just to spite him. He did eventually get to see them 1 night a week after school for tea and take them on the occasional holiday.

His brother on the other hand (my ex couldn't have been more different. He really couldn't have given a shit.

So your ex wants to see his kids more and you're saying no. For no good reason other than what I understand to be a little bit of jealousy? Myself I think it's lovely he still wants to be involved in the kids' life as their dad.

Not all fathers are like that after a splitup, you know.

If you go to court and get a child arrangement order, they often automatically state that each parent should be offered first refusal to provide care in the other parents absence.
Also, he's their father ffs. How would you feel if the care arrangement was the other way around and he wouldnt let you have the opportunity to see your children more?!

Yabu. Not saying you shouldn't ever leave the kids with their Nan and should always ask him first but lets face it every other weekend and 1 midweek is not alot so if he wants more time with the kids and he's available to have them you absolutely shouldn't be standing in the way of that. Not "your time" either, it's the kids time.

You think teens are easier?😂😂😂

With respect, this is clear ragebait. Fill your boots.

Are 13 and 14 year olds ‘easier’ than 5 and 6 year olds ? I think teens can be quite challenging.

OP didn't say Dad said Gran shouldn't be, she said he said he wanted to.

And why the fuck would you want to go back to court and potentially drag your children through the system again when you could just reach an amicable agreement for him to see HIS children more if he wants to and is able to see them more now?!

They're teenagers now so entitled to have a say.

Why are you unavailable when its your time to have them?

How often are you unavailable and for how long? (once a month for a couple of hours is very different to every other day for hours on end)

Why have you not asked them what they want, they're old enough to have input.

First right of refusal to the other parent is pretty standard. He would like to see them more and lives locally - why wouldn’t you offer him that when you aren’t unavailable

You say he's a good dad, so this doesn't sound like a problem to me. Why not let me have them a bit more? They are lucky to have a close relationship with their nan but their dad is very important. They may be happy to know their dad wants to see them more often. Maybe they will decide not to, but it is good for them to know he is trying. No need to involve a court. I'm unclear how much time we're talking but I assume the odd evening, not days on end, so it isn't a huge change. I think it's important to be flexible and responsive to what the dc want as they grow up.

Yeah madness to ask if they’d like to see their dad….?!?!?!?!?!!

It's good that their Dad wants to see them, and they can make up their own minds about spending time with him or their gran. Soon enough they will be old enough to make their own arrangements without needing a babysitter.