Dad thinks he should have the kids if I'm not available.

[Daniella66]

My ex has the kids dd13, ds14 every second weekend and one evening a week. He has a close loving relationship with them. He's a good father.
I always leave the kids with my mother who lives next door if I'm unavailable. Ex says he should be given that time when opportunities arise. (He lives 5 mins away) I don't agree. It's my time so I'll decide what happens in those instances.

Do the kids know there is a court order in place? I'm suprised they haven't questioned how rigid this set up is. Do they know dad is willing to see them other times? I'm suprised he hasn't said anything to them like "you're always welcome."

How does this timetable fit with their teenaged lives?

But yes, on the face of it you are being unreasonable. You say he's a good father. Are you worried about them seeing more of him, or less of your mum? They might stick with the status quo given the choice but they should be given the choice.

They only see their dad - who you say is a good father - on 3 days out of 14 but you won't even give him the time you can't be there yourself? Unles there's a drip feed of awful behaviour from him that seems really petty. I feel this might come back to bit you when the kids get older and start wondering OP.

There are countless threads on here about fathers not seeing their children enough.
This one wants to see his children more and that's still somehow wrong?

No. You are creating tensions. This is fucking awful parenting. If this is real you are on very dangerous ground - your kids will resent you for blocking them seeing their dad.

Those poor kids. We see it so often on here where one or other parent is so wrapped up in themselves they give zero consideration of their kids preferences. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I agree with you, you arrange the childcare you want on your days. I would not be happy for exH to know everything I'm doing/ who I'm with because he wants a right of first refusal. It has the potential to be controlling and invasive. I also dont understand why he would want this now, when you arguably dont need it anymore as the DC are older. I would be wary of his intentions. If the DC want to see him more, I'm sure they will suggest it themselves.

Or maybe outing!

Team dad here, wanting time with his kids and only asking for it when you aren’t with them. Get a grip, agree that your mum loves having them maybe once a week or so and you will let him know other times, then don’t be a dick about it and only give him 2 minutes notice. Time with their dad is good for them, they won’t thank you for keeping him from seeing them.

How often does your mum have your children? Is it just for a couple of hours or overnight? Is it because you are working?
All relevant info ...

If you had asked whether exH was BU not wanting to look after the kids when you're not available, i bet the poll would have gone the other way and you'd be the unreasonable one not taking responsibility for your DC when they are in your care... 🙄

Why have you not asked them?

At there age you need to ask them

Given that, by your own admission, he’s a good dad, this does seem unreasonable, at least for pre-arranged situations. If it’s a last-minute thing and you know your mum is around, fair enough. But if you have, e.g. a work trip, why wouldn’t you see if he’s able to have them?

This situation is amicable enough.

He is a good Dad. He’s asking for more contact WHEN YOU ARE UNAVAILABLE.

If you say no he is going to re-open contact via court.

He will get more contact WHEN YOU ARE AVAILABLE and it won’t suit you at all I’m sure. It will also create tension between you and their father and negatively impact the kids.

So you are going to get a worse outcome and damage your kids in the process because you won’t consider their father’s request to give him more access when you are not parenting your children.

But ok sure sounds like you have it sorted. 🧐

Because you are refusing to be reasonable without it.

Surprised you bothered to ask since you’re so confident you aren’t being unreasonable.

Are you going to respond to the fact that you haven't asked the kids opinion? It's good that they are happy with gran but they might be equally happy seeing their dad a bit more. You are clearly not happy that he is challenging you.

I would go to court amd get a judge to decide.

Seriously. That wasn't the question. You cannot make this the man's fault.

Well he's right. A lot has changed in eight years. Back then they were five and six years old. Now they're 13 and 14.

You're being massively controlling

You're complaining because he is going to challenge it. He should take you to court. He might even get 50/50 custody now.

What do you think you're attitude is showing your kids? Heck, according to you, they don't even know their Dad could have them more. Is this real? I don't think so. I think you've posted just for the rise. If there is a back story, well it's too late to show it. You sure are one mean mama.

Wowww the judgement in that.

Pretty much every single parent with willing parents of their own makes the most of babysitting services where offered. Plus, it's important that the kids have a relationship with their grandparents too!

I don’t think anyone thinks they shouldn’t ever visit their gran. But the OP is refusing to even consider letting their dad see them more.

So you've asked them if they'd prefer more time with their father? When you're not available?

Good and so should he and I hope he gets it.

Normally with threads like these the dad's are being unreasonable or have been arseholes and after reading the title was expecting to be on your side but you are extremely selfish and not thinking of your kids and the relationship with their father, who clearly loves them and wants to spend more time with them.

Who cares about the agreement - it was 8 years and things may have changed. You are being very unreasonable and you never know when the children are older and they may choose to be with him more, how will you feel.

Why wouldn’t you let them go to their actual father ? There are so many rubbish dads out there, why not let your kids enjoy the absolute luxury of a good dad.