dd15 induction tomorrow & i have a bug

[lunarwhisper]

Reposting in AIBU for traffic
Trying to keep this brief

My dd is 15 and she's 3 days overdue we went to the hospital yesterday for reduced movements all fine but she's been booked in for an induction tomorrow
We arent the closest and werent before the pregnancy either due to her behaviour at the time and she was living with her dad for a few months befoe she found out but i was meant to be her birthing partner .

Since shes been off school we have been closer and going out together when my younger dc are at school but we did have an argument as she wants to call the baby something ridiculous and she called me controlling

The dad isnt the nicest of boys and tbh neither is his dad ive only spoke to him once and that was when i told him dd was pregnant and he said how did his son know its his and called dd a slag

They eventually broke up and he was bullying her along with his friends in school which made her anxious about attending , she blocked him and they had no contact from december until recently , they aren't back together but apparently he does want to be involved

Anyway fast forward to the issue, she is due to be induced tomorrow and I've woken up today vomiting and I don't feel the greatest. The dc’s dad aren't really involved tbh but the plan was he come here and be with the dc (though they'll not be home during the day) and I go with dd. Im now unsure what to do as I wont be much help to dd and obviously with a bug on the labour ward wont be good anyway

The dad is under 16 so i doubt just then would be allowed and I dont think dd would want him there anyway , i don't know if shed want her dad there either(i wouldnt have wanted mine there at 15 and we were much closer than dd and her dad) and im unsure how much use he’d be

What the hell do we do??

what about her dad?
any of your relatives?

This is the right answer.

Poor little lass. Hope it all goes OK

I had my second son relatively young and was alone during the labour (ending in c section).

Tbh the midwives made a fuss of me as I was alone and they were all lovely. Do you have a friend who will go on with her? Any female family member? What about the dad’s mother?

I think a useless 15 year old boy would be the last thing that would be helpful during an induction. When I was on an induction ward with my first there seems to be a similar ish (but perhaps slightly older) situation going on. Young lad and girl were arguing a lot- young lad got chucked out and older woman turned up about half an hour later.

I would really be trying to see what additional support might be put in place. Like others my induction lasted 3 days and was not something I’d want any daughter of mine to go through alone or with a useless birthing partner. My induction was basically a ton of sweeps, mechanical breaking of left over waters and then 24 hours later the drip . They didn’t do the pessary for me as didn’t think it would do anything. Those procedures alone are quite intimate and not that nice. You can also be on an induction ward in early labour for a while which is also a bit weird. If she has to have a drip, they’d have her on 1:1 anyway but might have different procedures for the other induction processes compared to usual because of her age.

I suppose it depends on how she is being induced. If it’s pessary she could be out of hospital and back at home waiting for pessary to work. Or they could break her waters then wait. As it’s her first child it may take days for everything to kick off.

Could an option be the babys dad but "supervised" by her dad?

Her dad could go out of the room during any procedures that a 15 year old girl doesn't want her dad to see and she then gets the babys father but less likely he would say anything upsetting if her dad is also there?

If your DD wants the babies father there, that’s her choice. Whether or not having a teenage boy is most suitable is not really relevant. Most suitable situation is far removed from DD current situation but there’s no going back now. Personally I’d stay away due to the bug. Induction can take ages so let DD & Baby dad do the early shift, and you can take over once recovered & 48hrs clear. As others have said it might not be fast anyway so there’s a good chance you’ll still be able to support her, and the baby dad will be long bored and go home. He sounds like he could benefit from a reality check though.

48 hours. On a maternity ward anything less would be despicable

Am I being naïve here in thinking that because she's so young she'll have specialist midwife support? I know that specialist young person's midwives exist, not sure how common they are. If there really are no women who are known to your daughter then perhaps putting the word out there is the best option you've got. There might be a retired nurse or midwife who would be happy to come and be a support to your daughter in these difficult circumstances.

Nightmare.

I suggest you ask the hospital for advice. About what alternative support they can offer and how soon after vomiting you can attend.

As others have said a doula would be a great idea in any case, even with you there. Even if you have to pay (by loan, instalments etc) would be well worth it to have a woman who knows how to help supporting your DD, even when you’re there too. In this circumstance, a doula may be willing to pull out all the stops to attend.

If your DD wants the baby’s dad there, it’s up to her. He may be useless but he may also gain a very deep respect for her if he witnesses her labour (and deeper connection with the baby if he’s there for the birth). But the hospital should be able to support on that too.

And you can be on the phone, hopefully. So, still with her in that sense.

YoI’m obviously speak to the maternity ward. They will probably bring he in for monitoring and re-book her for induction Monday. But it might happen before then anyway.

She doesn't have to be induced, she is only 3 days overdue. She csn wait to go into labour naturally. Inductions often stress the baby out and lead to interventions

Do not go to a maternity ward with a vomiting bug!!! Anything other than this.

No way would I allow my child to go through this with only the support and advocacy of a 15 year old boy who has already shown himself to be far, far from a position of maturity to handle this situation. You know she'll end up looking after him and trying to keep him happy.

What about one of her best friends' mum or a pastoral member of staff from school?

She needs to delay the induction. And you need to advise her. I know she's fed up but that's not a good reason to go ahead, she doesn't know what she's about to undertake. You do, we do. There's no way she should be in there without you.

Inductions have risks, if she doesn't need one for medical reasons she has time.

If the baby is in distress she can’t wait. That’s the problem.

I had an emergency induction, they induced me and then left me for 5 days before they moved me to the labour ward . Just because she's being induced tomorrow it doesn't mean there'll be a baby tomorrow. Hopefully this is somewhat the case here and you'll be over the bug before the induction is complete. I've just had a vomiting bug, please don't even consider bringing it to a maternity ward, the implications could be deadly.

I don't think its a safeguarding issue. But I'd agree its inappropriate to ask a 15yo to be her birthing partner. Some kids would take it seriously others would treat it as a day of school jolly.
I doubt the hospital would even allow a child, whos not the dad, to be a birthing partner

As a midwife I'd say we absolutely would "allow" a 15yo to have a friend of their age as a birthing partner.

I do agree, ring up and talk to the hospital and see what they suggest. In the circumstances if it's only 1 episode of reduced FM they might be happy to delay the induction for a day or 2. A lot of hospitals don't induce for only one episode.

You can't go to the hospital yourself for sure

I dont really care if it was aimed at me- you have contributed nothing useful whatsoever to this thread apart from coming in to criticise other people.

If you are so morally superior as you seem to think you are, then YOU suggest a workable solution, I am sure the OP would appreciate all suggestions.....

Wow is all I can say

I don't think the hospital will thank you for taking a bug into a maternity unit/ward. I'd phone. Also, are you well enough to be there yourself?

I was induced with DD. The procedure was nothing compared to labour. I started getting cramps after about four hours, but it took about 12 hours to go into proper labour, and then 31 hours before I gave birth. I was free to walk around and other Mums on the ward were great - encouraging, supportive and one who had already given birth got me a drink, so she doesn't have to be totally on her own. Could be DD goes in without you, and hopefully by the time she's in full labour, you'll be better/less likely to pass anything on.

I think the medical staff will be the best judge of that and not a random on the internet.