“Why would you have casual sex? Do you want a man to use your body and be done with you?l”

[Plorah]

I was with my family last weekend for a girls night. We were having a few glasses in the kitchen when an aunt said this to my 19 yo niece. I was taken aback and assumed everyone else was.

All the women present AGREED. I was really shocked as no one there is exactly a nun.

I’ve had a couple of ons and they were fun and carefree. I didn’t like the implication that sex is not about a woman’s pleasure.

This is an insane take right? I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of women I know are aligning a lot more with radical feminism these days ie Viewing and men quite cynically.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

I was just surprised this take was popular.

My problem with ONS is that overall they don’t know your body; don’t give a flying fuck about your satisfaction; don’t even think about it. I’d much prefer someone who is invested in making me feel good and who wants to spend time getting to know what works for me. That said, I have had the occasional very exciting ONS though didn’t come for whatever reason but there was a chemistry. Very rare though. I’m in a relationship atm with a man 20 years younger and he’s fabulous in bed. Very attentive. I’m 63. We’re both lucky to have found each other cause I’m fab as well.

Women have been having emotionless sex for fun for years, and I’m betting a huge chunk of married women have with their husbands too! We are one of the few species that have sex purely for fun. It’s the fact women have been told they shouldn’t behave like men or enjoy sex like men, usually by men or women who weren’t allowed to have fun sex, that is the problem. Why are women judged for it and not men? Anyone can have fun emotionless sex if they are confident and want to andvthere is no shame in owning yourself and proudly doing what you want without be held back but ridiculous one sided misogynistic restraints perpetuated by sad women who probably have crap sex lives, or if they don’t, they certainly aren’t being bent over backwards on a hostess trolley!

Why is ONS more fun than having one partner at a time - and being able to actually do oral not have to use condoms. Not having to worry about infections, knowing there’s someone to support you if you had an unplanned pregnancy? also knows your preferences, abd you feel. Comfortable enough to climax in the first place.

This is what I mean, casual sex = fun, experienced, orgasms from every orifice
committed sex = chaste prude who lies back and thinks of England 😂

Casual sex is overall more thrilling and exciting but having one partner at a time does not equate to Mary Whitehouse. It also comes with highs and lows, i domt believe every ONS is mindblowing sex.

I find women younger than me (I'm 72) generally more straitlaced than my generation, we were at it like rabbits when we were in our teens and onwards. Happy days.... ❤️ 😊

I think people are being a bit stupid telling people who dont enjoy casual sexual encounters that they're "doing it wrong". It's pretty damn obvious that if you meet a stranger who knows literally nothing about you that they wont know the specific things that turn you on and therefore the sex might not be fantastic the first go around. Sure- it could also be amazing but I think that's less likely than someone who knows exactly what gets you off and exactly what you like in bed.

That's why I have found sex with people I have an emotional bond with to be the most fulfilling - they know me, they know my mind, they know my body and they know exactly what turns me on and off in bed without me having to spell it out every single time.

But that's half the point. They do a thing you're not used to. Like a new flavour in cooking - yes, a man might know what I like. But a new man brings a new flavour in.

Casual sex is not for me. I’m another one who prefers sex within the context of a relationship. I don’t judge others for enjoying it, as long as they don’t judge me by calling me strait laced or whatever. .

This. I refuse to believe a man you met that night gives a toss if you climax or not. I'm sure there will be the odd few, but the majority are there to effectively masturbate into your body for their own pleasure.

Especially at 19.

Not all sex involves men, but yes I agree with your point. Lesbians and bi women in theory could bypass the male objectification issue but most prefer to have sex within a relationship. Not all women do but I think many (most?) do and that's fine.

Funnily enough, you are not the final arbiter of all moral issues,

I didn't say I was, did I? Just giving an alternative opinion.

trying to shame me into silence

🤔

shows a lack of both integrity and intelligence.

The one thing I do not lack, is intelligence. Although what would that have to do with anything, anyway? Are you saying that people of less than your exalted level of intelligence can't contribute to the discussion?

Yes, imo the women who enjoy casual sex tend to be older with FWBs who care about whether they enjoy it. Women's sex drive peaks in 30s so that makes sense.

Yes, in theory. But in reality, there are biological differences between men and women that make casual sex less fun for (most) women than it is for men. Women take a lot of risks in having sex that men don't, so it stands to reason that there is more of a biological imperative towards safety and partnership. Women seek out men who will be good fathers and a big part of that is them staying around after sex.

Society has changed massively in the last few thousand years. But our biology hasn't changed that much. For example, women produce oxytoxin when they orgasm, which makes them feel bonded to their sexual partner. Men don't! Which is one reason why it's easier for men to have emotionless one night stands and why women often end up feeling hurt or used.

I don't think it's misogynistic to know that males and females are different, with different sexual motivations. We have built society around satisfying male sexuality and expect women increasingly to behave like men in regard to sex. I'd argue that's pretty misogynistic in itself.

Women have a way greater capacity for sexual pleasure than men do, but it is not generally satisfied by ONS or casual sex, because we are biologically driven to want to feel safe and loved by our sexual partner. I'm speaking in generalities of course, and not denying anyone's individual experience.

This the experience I witnessed amongst my peers in the early 00's. Many enjoyed the thrill at the time, and the cache of being 'wild', but mostly those engaging in ONSs were less emotionally stable and self-contained, and more likely to be 'pick mes' and 'cool girls'.

All regretted at least some of their liaisons, quite a few were raped (although they often saw it as 'well, I went home with him, so I thought I had to at least suck him off before I left' despite not wanting to, with an unspoken fear of the man's reaction were he rejected at the last minute), and most didn't seem to benefit from the hook ups in any real way considering the risks.

I'll make no comment on my own behaviour at the time.

These days especially I would also worry about anal, strangulation and violent sex being considered the 'norm' amongst younger men thanks to porn, as well as STIs being more frequently antibiotic resistant, and general safety.

Of course there is a material difference
There is a reason the sex industry is driven by men. That basically 100% of sex trafficking is driven by male customers. That over 90% of sex crimes are committed by men. Our sexual behaviours are very different on a basic level.
I don't like the attitude that in order to be empowered, women have to be like men, because we are not, and that is not worse, just different.

I agree. I think older women also have the life experience to know what gives them pleasure and the confidence to demand that from a partner. The majority if 19 year olds won't. I wouldn't be encouraging either of my DDs to sleep around at 19.

Also in reference to another comment – it's probably rather risky to have sex with a random man, who loves going down on women who have their periods, without using any barrier protection.

If you're so intelligent, why don't you try reading what I actually wrote? You weren't giving an alternative opinion at all. You were trying to say my opinion was based on 'trauma' and therefore worthless. I did have trauma from past sexual abuse and rape, in fact. That does not make my opinions worthless or laughable. I think you should be ashamed to make those sorts of comments to women. As I say, please leave me alone now.

33/67 now

If a man is good at sex, then he’s good at sex even on that one night. If the chemistry is there it will be good. My best sex has been outside of relationships.

So the millions of women who love casual sex are not biological women then?

Dunno. I find that the casual one night stands tend to make much so much more of an effort - it's the only time they have to impress, their first and last audition!

My partner is quite adventurous so I get that plus someone I trust

I’ve never felt used.. we both wanted the sex, wanted each others bodies. Why have it otherwise. It’s such a weird viewpoint

Exactly. I’ve found they keep it up when it becomes fwb too. They have all wanted to satisfy me

And that’s great. But if you’re not in a relationship, should you just not have any of that? I had a period where I absolutely didn’t want a relationship. I did, however, want sex.