“Why would you have casual sex? Do you want a man to use your body and be done with you?l”

[Plorah]

I was with my family last weekend for a girls night. We were having a few glasses in the kitchen when an aunt said this to my 19 yo niece. I was taken aback and assumed everyone else was.

All the women present AGREED. I was really shocked as no one there is exactly a nun.

I’ve had a couple of ons and they were fun and carefree. I didn’t like the implication that sex is not about a woman’s pleasure.

This is an insane take right? I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of women I know are aligning a lot more with radical feminism these days ie Viewing and men quite cynically.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

I was just surprised this take was popular.

Ive had quite a few ons and very few of them where good and I often felt regret after. But everyone is different some women just want sex and enjoy it and have no regrets.

Erm... what? Why would that be a logical extension of anything I wrote in that comment? Please explain.

Plus, 'millions' of women who 'love' casual sex - I think that's a claim you would need to evidence. There's a lot of pressure on women to have casual sex, as well as to engage in anal sex, strangulation, being slapped and spat on, and other what I would say are quite extreme and violent acts. Lots of women may be doing and consenting to these things. That's not proof that they are loving it.

Young women (and men for that matter) are being pressured into pornified forms of sexuality and I personally believe it is to their detriment. Even if casual sex is friendly, fun, and gentle, compared to what is now presented as the 'norm', it is still not oriented towards female sexuality. We are just different from men.

Again, these are generalisations. People have individual experiences which will differ, obviously.

If you are not in a relationship then you MUST. NOT. HAVE. SEX.

For fear of disrespecting yourself 😢

I think this says it all.

Just flip the narrative and open your eyes.

How is it weird that some people have had different experiences and different feelings, desires, and expectations than you? You must have had a very narrow experience of life.

"The only truly one night stand I ever had, met him on the night, came back to mine, he basically forced himself on me, I said no 3 times and 3 times he carried on anyway".

No - that was not a 'one night stand', that was a rape.

I think each to their own. There are some women who feel that a one might stand is objectifying/dehumanizing as it focuses on physical pleasure and there's no relationship or emotional connection there but I can also see how some women would find the idea that they couldn't freely enjoy casual sex or be promiscuous oppressive.

I’m definitely a bit of a prude and a Mary Whitehouse in my old age - I do think sexualisation in popular culture and in society is largely for the benefit of men so I would urge young women to be critical thinkers and reject objectification and patriarchal panting and pawing. Piss off with pandering to the male gaze.

That said, I’ve certainly told my young adult dds to see sex as fun and enjoyable but only if they are finding it fun and enjoyable. If not, don’t do it. No woman should be having sex just to please some horny dipstick. We shouldn’t be advocating for puritanism, we should be promoting the priority for female pleasure.

Do you really think previous generations didn't have casual sex 😂😂

you know what sex is for. For commited married relationship - all bombs thrown at me, are welcome. I won't be reading more on this thread

They’re not that welcome then, if you’re not even going to read them 😁

If you're not enjoying the experience, then that's on you for choosing the wrong partners.

I agree with you but this is incorrect.

-For example, women produce oxytoxin when they orgasm, which makes them feel bonded to their sexual partner. Men don't!'

• Men DO also produce oxytocin when they have sex, just less of it.

https://www.hims.com/blog/oxytocin-in-males

YANBU but all I would say is that there is a current analysis of how pressure to say no has become pressure to say yes and that many women who are 40+ are now re-visiting what was really behind their prior 'liberation'. I know for my own part I had some one night stands that I now wonder 'why' about - it wasn't actually all that fun and it generally wasn't very good sex. That is nobody's fault and I own those decisions but I also reflect on them and now I wouldn't have any one night stands.

How very purity culture. To each their own.

Because you are talking like you are speaking for all women. You are generalising. Therefore othering all the many, many women who love sex outside of relationships.
If you only think in terms of biology, surely every man would be a sex hungry dog? Not want love and relationships? But that’s not true. Most men I’ve been with have wanted love and been soppier than me. Lots of men aren’t bothered about sex.
Just let people do what they like without making them feel wrong for it. We are all different.

I agree with this. I’m in my mid-50s now and the only time I had a ONS was when I was 17 and 19. Both were brief, sort of fun, but ultimately forgettable and regrettable.

I went on to have three long term relationships before I met my now DH. They were all love and lust and pure connection while they lasted. ONS’s suck in comparison.

I can see both sides. Of course women have sexual agency and desires and can enjoy sex…but a lot of men in my experience do seem oblivious to this, and I think some women internalise that feeling.

It’s been many years since I dated, but most of my sexual experiences with men were very centred around THEIR wants and desires, not mine. I was too young/ naive/ stupid to know otherwise at the time and would never tolerate it now…but I can understand why women might feel that way.

Luckily my DH has read the manual and knows how to keep me happy!

I have the exact same views and experience.Had a couple of ons that I enjoyed when younger but I generally need a deeper connection to fully enjoy myself.

Oh I do. I hope they loved it too! It was just more prevalent to prefer relationships then. It was the done and expected thing.

Agreed!! Having had incredibly satisfying sex with my husband, who knows every little nuance of exactly what I like and just how to do it without me even having to tell him, but also loves to try new things too, I don't think I'd ever bother with one night stands again were he to die.

I know that no man I've just met will be able to do even half as good a job, and I'd be too worried a stranger would try to push my boundaries or turn violent/coercive to be able to relax and enjoy whatever lesser pleasure he might be able to provide anyway.

It all sounds like too much faff and risk for a less satisfying outcome for me now.

But if you don’t have a husband? Or a long term partner? Should you just not have sex, even though you want it and find someone attractive?
Noone is saying that happily married people in sexually fulfilling relationships should ditch their partner and go and have an ONS. That would be mental. But there are a lot of single people out there, and a lot of single people who don’t want a relationship, but do want sex. Or people who do want a relationship, haven’t found the right person for that relationship, but still want sex.

I'm a newbie, so bear with me. I thought it might be helpful to read an opinion from a married, sixty-plus man. A man who had several casual encounters before I met my wife.

I think the key issue is informed consent. If a woman chooses to have casual sex with someone, and the two of them accept that it's a hedonistic act, with no ongoing expectations, then that's fine with me. I'm a firm believer that adults have agency, and that, of course, extends to sex. Two adults creating mutual and consensual pleasure is something of which I approve.

So no, YANBU.

"Why would you want to have sex with someone you don't know?".

To try something new, like trying a new food. And because you're hungry

I ( and othes on this thread) have clearly chosen well in the ONS and casual sex encounters that we have had 😁 So sorry that some of you haven't.