“Why would you have casual sex? Do you want a man to use your body and be done with you?l”

[Plorah]

I was with my family last weekend for a girls night. We were having a few glasses in the kitchen when an aunt said this to my 19 yo niece. I was taken aback and assumed everyone else was.

All the women present AGREED. I was really shocked as no one there is exactly a nun.

I’ve had a couple of ons and they were fun and carefree. I didn’t like the implication that sex is not about a woman’s pleasure.

This is an insane take right? I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of women I know are aligning a lot more with radical feminism these days ie Viewing and men quite cynically.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

I was just surprised this take was popular.

Hear hear!

There are also many women who think women who don’t engage in such behaviour are prudish. I know for me in my friendship group when I was younger I was the only one who didn’t have regular casual sex and ONS and I was the outlier in the group.

Even if I’d wanted ONS, which I didn’t, an added problem for me would have been that I’ve always been “allergic” to condoms - my skin just reacts and I get a rash and sores. .

So, although I could have prevented pregnancy, and am past being able to become pregnant now, I couldn’t have prevented STDs if I didn’t know the man very well and be confident of his sexual history.

As far as you can be anyway.

And, yes, with people you don’t know there is an added, although not exclusive, risk of violence.

So, I’m quite happy with what I’ve done with my sex life, and what I do now. It works for me. 👍

This is true, nobody should "use" another person's body but individuals should be able to choose the way in which they choose to share their body with another person.

Some people crave the connection of sex with a person that they know and trust, others crave sex without the pressure of emotional expectations. If everyone is happy and honest both are equally acceptable.

@Carla786

I think what I'm seeing is a lack of nuance (which I think is also an element in puritanism.)

For example, some people seem to think that all relationships with large (or even just moderately large) age gaps are all innately predatory in nature. Some are, but you need to take it on a case-by-case basis. Especially when the younger person in question is 18 or over.

I think it's silly to get outraged over consenting adults in a relationship. A large age gap alone doesn't equal predation or even power imbalance.

Some people object to people in their thirties having relationships with people who are in their early twenties, and I just can't...I mean, my mother met my Dad when she was 23 and he was 37. Mum was a young woman, yes, but hardly a child! She'd already been married and divorced by that time and was fully capable of making her own decisions and thinking for herself.

They met. Started dating. Fell in love. Were together until Dad died in 2016.

Yet some people would find my parents' relationship inappropriate, which I find bizarre.

When it comes to Gen Z in particular, I think the exposure to (through friends or directly) hardcore pornography from a younger age, expectation of anal sex, strangulation being normalised, and being hit during sex getting sprung on them, along with a loss of social skills thanks to covid, less social drinking of alcohol, and a rise of them spending far, far more time on their screens, probably has more to do with Gen Z not having as much sex, than puritanism does.

You are talking absolute crap. You do NOT talk for all women.

You don't speak for all women.

I'm also surprised that someone said that having casual sex is 'pick me'. Personally, I'm having sex because I want to. With the person I want to have it with, and as I said upthread, to have orgasm(s), which does happen for me. But now someone will tell me that I don't know my own mind, probably,

Yes, I would agree with this.

@OtterlyAstounding

I agree that that's probably the cause (or at least part of it) but it's resulting them in having (what I perceive to be) some rather puritanical-seeming views.

This!

So are people here saying they love casual sex having FWB or ONS? Because they’re different things?

I really find it hard to believe that men from ONS are delivering earth-shattering orgasms. And there’s no awkwardness, it’s all passionate hot sex. But also you can’t do oral or touch any fluids, and they may block your number in the morning?

Do you ever have ONS you regret or that were crap?

I've had ons and can assure you we were both using each other. I had no intention of taking it any further than sex.

Ahh, this thread is bringing back memories of the time I was told on here that I was ‘looser than a broken hair tie’ because I said I liked casual sex. Women championing women, eh?!

@Grammarnut a lot of generalisations based on your own experience. My experience is different. I’ve had a lot of amazing sex with my husband with whom I have had a deep, loving and sensual relationship for 27 years. Prior to that I had a lot of casual sex which was also amazing. They are not mutually exclusive. Even, for some (not me) at the same time. Also, on the topic of risk, like lots of things in life you know the risks, accept those risks and do it anyway.

I would just say that if women have moved on, from the past, to being who they want to be, and live (within reason, especially if they have kids) how they want to live, then it’s a case of personal choice. Nothing more. Nothing less. 🤷‍♀️

ONS aren’t for me. My choice. ONS are obviously great for others. Their choice. 👍

Everyone should be happy. 😉

There are many women very anti ONS and think any woman who would subject herself to casual sex is mentally ill or damaged

I think there are very few women who think that. I don't know how you've picked that up from this thread. I would never have a ons myself but I do have friends who are not averse to the odd hook up. I don't think they're mentally ill.
I simply cannot comprehend the risk taking, nor the thought of having sex with a complete stranger. Sex is way too intimate, for me, to share with someone I've randomly met on a night out. (FWB are different, I can understand that more)

True - but either side denigrating the other isn’t exactly supportive either. 🤷‍♀️

Those of us that prefer a committed and loving relationship aren’t all repressed, puritanical women that only do “missionary position with the lights out and wouldn’t know how to give a good BJ ”.🙄

Any more than those that like casual sex are loose, immoral slappers. 🙄

Each to their own. And all women need to support those choices. 👍

I've seen far more commenters mocking women who aren't personally into one night stands

Yeah. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Both sides doth protest too much at times. 😉

Well youve brought up the fact that women only orgasm 11% of the time at ONS as if that means we do not get any pleasure so what is the point?

If you understand that women can receive pleasure away from orgasm, then you would never wonder why we still have ONS despite the low orgasm rate. You would get that we are experiencing pleasure despite not having a 1 min orgasm.

Enjoying sex and being in control of your own sex life is pick me?

You see I cant imagine that someone who enjoys the physical act of sex and receives pleasure from it could think that way. They would understand that sex isnt a gift that only benefits men so the idea of rewarding a man with sex for good behaviour just seems odd. It's a reward for you, too, right? It isnt some horrible thing you have to withstand for his pleasure? Right?

Right...?

Well, I'm not speaking for the women who have bought into sex positivity, the empowerment of BDSM and who believe sex work is work, certainly.

I won't tell you that you don't know your own mind. Sex positivity is the feminist stance de jour. It suggests that use of porn is fine and harmless (not to the women taking part, it isn't), that sex work is work, that women can be like men and go in for what used to be called the 'zipless fuck' i.e. sex without consequences. But women are not men. I've said elsewhere that casual sex can cause emotional lows. Sex is about connection as well as fun - without connection it is no different from eating a good meal. But sex, unlike food, is a want not a need and treating it as a need is damaging (and not only to prostituted women and women who are used to make porn, either). There is also the problem that if sex is casually available men will feel entitled to sex...which they are not, because nobody is.
Edited for grammar.

You don't know my experience. Nor am I generalising from it but from a philosophical pov - that sex positivity is not a feminist stance.