“Why would you have casual sex? Do you want a man to use your body and be done with you?l”

[Plorah]

I was with my family last weekend for a girls night. We were having a few glasses in the kitchen when an aunt said this to my 19 yo niece. I was taken aback and assumed everyone else was.

All the women present AGREED. I was really shocked as no one there is exactly a nun.

I’ve had a couple of ons and they were fun and carefree. I didn’t like the implication that sex is not about a woman’s pleasure.

This is an insane take right? I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of women I know are aligning a lot more with radical feminism these days ie Viewing and men quite cynically.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

I was just surprised this take was popular.

Treating a woman as though her worth lies in her body is very patriarchal and misogynistic, yes, in a very conservative way.

But one could also say that a liberal misogynistic and patriarchal society would be very in favour of women seeing casual sex as something they should want to indulge in, despite only 11% of them achieving orgasm.

At either end of the spectrum, it's always men benefiting, isn't it? They either get innocent virgins who don't know any better, or they get easy sexual partners who they can use poorly and discard without consequence. Where is the average woman (the 89%, let's say) 'winning' in either of those situations?

Yes, I do enjoy sex. Always have, whether it involves hands, mouth or cock - preferably all three. Have always found it easy to orgasm - and still do with my partner. 👍

But, I need emotional involvement from both of us. 🤷‍♀️

It might be lovely for some to enjoy ONS’s - just not for me.

But, as I’ve said - each to their own. 😉

I know what you mean about sex with someone you love is better but I don’t think (for me anyway!) it’s the ‘love’ that makes it better! It’s the fact that if you love each other you’re more likely to have sex with them repeatedly and that way you get used to what each other enjoys, or doesn’t and any inhibitions vanish! I’m one of those who gets accused on MN of being a man because I don’t connect love and sex at all and I enjoy things that perhaps many other women don’t but sex with my husband is the best, nothing to do with love and everything to do with he knows exactly what to do, say and ask for!

That for me, I wouldn't be consenting.

One thing l have learned from life is that with the exception of my sister (who bedded her now husband within a couple of hours of meeting him), is not to discuss sex with family.

Aside from that, quality sex is about passion and sharing bodies. This can be just as successful with someone you have just met. Sometimes you have a little itch and a flutter and need it sorted and there is that extra excitement the first time.

I’ve been called names because l always carry condoms in my handbag. l hate double standards. Gone are the days when sex is seen as something a woman gives to a man. Being judgey about those who enjoy life is certainly not feminist.

That wouldn’t be casual sex then, would it? It’d be rape. Two entirely different things!

Well no, I'm not suggesting ONS are rape but there's no point asking me what's wrong with them to try to get me to agree with them because I don't.

If you “don’t agree” with them, you don’t have to have to participate. But likewise people should not get judgy about those who do.

I don’t give a shit if you agree with them or not! I find it ridiculous to bring in the consent aspect when casual or not, lack of consent equates to rape.

I think our conversation should end there seeing as you clearly can't cope with it like an adult.

Well thats my point. The ones who ended up very anti.

Not everyone is chasing an orgasm from every sexual experience. The majority of men do know about the clitoris by early adulthood

Re casual sex makes women feel used: Obviously that’s up to each situation/person.

You might feel used if:

you’re asked to leave straight after sex

you’re ghosted the next day

the man discusses the sex with his friends or is derogatory about you in some way

the man makes it clear he’d not be seen with you in public, not really attracted to you, just wants sex

Sex just wasn’t that enjoyable, you feel like your body was used to get off

Your boundaries were violated

You caught an STI and feel your body was disrespected

These are just examples, please nobody take it personally. I’ve had a few FWB and ONS in the past, I just would not do it again, and do not like it.

I'm not sure there are many who are very anti. In fact, there are probably only a couple on this thread. There are far more who are anti one night stands for themselves, explaining why they don't think one night stands are all they're cracked up to be for many women, and they've actually been shamed for it on this thread by multiple posters.

Well, if people want less pleasure, then they can go for it. But it's a bit odd to not want to orgasm, imo. Like, why not??

And considering only 11% of women orgasm during one night stands, it seems men might know where the clitoris is, but they don't care.

You know that an orgasm isnt the only time a woman feels pleasure during sex, right? Like it feels good before you reach climax if the person knows how to make you feel good? Do you have that experience?

It’s not all about men. Lesbians have one nighters too.

There are many women very anti ONS and think any woman who would subject herself to casual sex is mentally ill or damaged.

Well, that, to me, is the plus side of a longer term partner. You get to know what works well, and what doesn’t work quite so well. You talk about it over time, and (ideally) both want to please the other one.

Whether it’s hands, mouth, cock or jointly using a vibe or something, it all adds to the variety.

Just my view for me.

If others can get the orgasms and satisfaction with one off partners, then good for them. 👍

There are really not many women who think this.

Risky sexual behaviour, however, can signal mental health issues, and this is well known. It’s also common in women and girls with sexual trauma. Inconvenient to some here.

Did you know that one can have all that pleasure and the orgasm too? Potentially multiple times? You don't have to choose one or the other! You can have BOTH!

If you want to just have the pleasure and miss out on the orgasms, be my guest. But I can't understand why any woman wouldn't want both.

More pleasure? That's a good thing, you do realise that, right?

There really and it is mainly because they have never enjoyed the physical side of sex.

I have seen only a handful who think that any woman who enjoys one night stands must be mentally ill or damaged, if that many.

I've seen far more commenters mocking women who aren't personally into one night stands.

Absolutely! It sounds like 11% of women might be getting the full kit and caboodle from a one night stand, but for those of us who might be less likely to, and who want all the pleasure, it makes sense to prefer sex within relationships.

So for some people, they only orgasm with specific technique over a prolonged period. This could be men or women. I used to have a boyfriend like that - it used to be really hard for him to climax but he would enjoy the process.

Practically, what that meant for us, is that his orgasms werent a goal of our sexual sessions. If it was, we would both have left them feeling pressured and frustrated and inadequate.

I wouldnt say I find it particularly hard to climax, but it can take a while. Especially certain times of the month. Similarly, I do still feel pleasure when someone is stimulating me in the right places.

I have varied sex with my husband. Sometimes long drawn out sessions, sometimes quickies. Sometimes one of us do something to the other with no reciprocation. If I expected to orgasm every single time we had sexual contact, we would not have as much as sex as we do. That would make me sad because I thoroughly enjoy all the sex that we have, because I always feel pleasure.

That isnt different to when casual sex was a part of my life. I may not have repeat episodes with the same person to ensure I get an orgasm from every sexual partner every single time, but I still ensured I was having enough pleasure and orgasms in my sex life as a whole. If I found I was not, I would make adjustments in my partner choice or actions to ensure otherwise.