“Why would you have casual sex? Do you want a man to use your body and be done with you?l”

[Plorah]

I was with my family last weekend for a girls night. We were having a few glasses in the kitchen when an aunt said this to my 19 yo niece. I was taken aback and assumed everyone else was.

All the women present AGREED. I was really shocked as no one there is exactly a nun.

I’ve had a couple of ons and they were fun and carefree. I didn’t like the implication that sex is not about a woman’s pleasure.

This is an insane take right? I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of women I know are aligning a lot more with radical feminism these days ie Viewing and men quite cynically.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

I was just surprised this take was popular.

It was to demonstrate the extreme sexism of the comment the other woman was making. Like if you think that men are using me, I'm using them just as much...plus it was a joke.

@Carla786

I tend to see people express them online.

I have no idea what causes them.

For some women sex is sort of a big deal. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just as there is nothing wrong in thinking it isn’t.

Just enjoying sex for sex sake. Enjoying kissing, flirting, tension, touching a man. For me it’s about so much more than the orgasm.

Tbh the only time I ever really ...indulged in the ol' ONS was the brief periods of singledom in-between relationships. And even then I think tbh it was more just a way of trying to get over things (based on the age old adage of "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else 😳".

Tbh I much much much prefer sex in a commited relationship. I prefer it as for me there's more emotion and it's not just about the physical act, but also the kind of closeness you get. I just prefer I think having sex with someone I have a connection with. Plus when it's someone you know you have that familiarity with each other and know what each other likes.

All of that said however I absolutely do not judge other women for having or enjoying ONS. Each to their own

I think if you look to the US it's a good example of it.

There's always been a puritanical angle to it, I'm thinking back to the early 2000s and girls being given "promise rings" which basically meant they were promising to save themselves till marriage and the obvious abstinence education they go instead of actually informative sex education.

But that seems to have ramped up massively since Trump has been in office, it very more heavily leans to the kind of Christian fundamentalists who wants to turn the clock back to women not having rights, whether that be accessible to contraception, abortion, or even voting and rights at work etc. they very heavily promote the notion of "a traditional family" and what they mean by that is a mother and a father and kids. (Definitely no same sex parents). A lot of that ties directly into the project 25 plans.

If you look at the ones who speak up against women having an education or supporting themselves it's because they know that the more educated a woman is the hight likeliehood she will feel able to make independent choices, which may include not having kids etc. so if they limit that (which they have done-for example the majority of college courses that have higher numbers of women like hiring etc are having their credentials taken away so it's no longer recognised as a "proper" qualification, which is disproportionately affecting women).

There are a rising number of men in the US who are of the belief a woman's place is at home, rasining children, being a "good wife" and you see that reflected in the rise of all these TradWife influencers.

Broadly speaking, the women I know who are very anti ONS from their own negative experiences typically never set out for those events to be ONS. They thought it would be the first night of their story.

Ah right, I see 👍 Sorry for the misunderstanding

A lot of Gen Z have had weird experiences du to porn, misogyny, Onlyfans etc so many are turned off sex. Too much screen time also. Other generations will have different reasons

I see, yes, I hoped it was a joke. Thanks for clarifying.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

how are you surprised they have this viewpoint then? Obviously if they’re in a settled relationship they’re going to see one night stands as undesirable - you’re not talking to single women here. They will obviously advocate for their own life choices/position which won’t include one night stands.

Plus from my perspective if I had a female 19 year old in my life, I’d say similar to them. I don’t care what the average 19 year old is doing, but I think you are naturally more supportive and protective of relatives. I mean I’m in my 20s so not that much older but I’d definitely tell them to be careful bc when you’re young and attractive, it’s easier to be taken advantage of. I’m so glad I had supportive people in my life at 19 where I was never taken advantage of sexually, bc I was able to talk to through and come to the conclusion that someone wasn’t right for me probably faster than someone who doesn’t have that support system

But many can. And there's still lots of other fun to be had.

It's just so weird, this, "Oh noes, casual sex must be awful for the wimmin because I don't like it!" stuff.

This is a good point.

That's not my experience. When I was young, most of the young women I knew treated one night stands as just a night of fun, and had no interest in relationships. Of the ones I still know/knew when they stopped engaging in ONS, I can't say many are 'very anti ONS' in general, but most of them ended up not interested in/against ONS for themselves. So they didn't judge others, but they didn't want to do it, and probably wouldn't recommend it.

Did you enjoy it because you're able to orgasm just from PIV sex or because your partners gave you adequate clitoral stimulation? Or are you saying you enjoyed it because of the wildness and novelty of the experience? I've enjoyed casual sex but I never got off from just PIV, not during casual sex or marriage. Latest fling used a Hitachi wand on me during PIV and THOSE are the only times I've orgasmed during PIV! 😭 All other times have been from external stimulation before the PIV. Maybe you're one of those lucky women who has a short CV distance. My C is so far from my V, it might as well be in bloody Scotland!

Exactly. There are risks for women that men don't have to face. Would I love to hook up with a handsome stranger who knows how to get me off and is an amazing kisser and actually touches me all over instead of treating me like a machine with three knobs? YOU BET I WOULD! But how do I know he's not going to strangle me or beat me up or give me a symptomless STD that will silently take away my fertility...or my life. Not to mention get me pregnant.

Me too.

Oxytocin is the work of the very devil!

I can't imagine men continuing to indulge in one night stands if they didn't usually orgasm though. They want the foreplay and fun, as well as the orgasm - after all, why not have both??

It strikes me as strange when women just 'accept' a lack of climax as normal, and say, 'oh, well it was fun anyway', like some consolation prize. Because if you have orgasms during it, then you still get all the other pleasure...but you get to climax too! Why would you not want that?

Anyway, out of interest, I looked it up, and apparently "64 percent of the men surveyed said they climax during a one-night stand, while only 11 percent of the women reported the same. Women were found to climax more consistently with a long-term partner, while men claimed to plateau with a stable partner."

With those stats, I can see why many (older) women who prioritise their own pleasure much more confidently and assertively, and who expect to get both pleasure AND orgasms, might be disillusioned by one night stands - they're quite possibly part of the 89% who don't orgasm during ONS!

Tbf though, when I emerged from my sheltered childhood 33 years ago, blinking in the sunlight of adult life, I was a very emotional flower and I did get horribly taken advantage of. I knew NOTHING of the world but I was insanely idealistic and deeply romantic, desperate to find The One and marry for life. If you have never been a delicate romantic flower when young, you may not get it, but I was like Little Bo sodding Peep! And then met the wolf.

I think I might have got my fairy tales mixed up.

I've read about that and seen the wishbone diagrams, but my wishbones certainly don't get stimulated during PIV, and my current fling is pretty large (7x7).

I agree with you.

ind have sec for them and pleasure - it’s for my needs. Obviously I’d have to like them and want them to enjoy it but the idea that the woman gives her body to a man for sex is so outdated.

Casual sex not parties are usually using each other and it it’s pleasurable what’s the problem?

Its changed now.

I completely agree.
And being in a relationship is no guarantee of that!

Red Riding Hood? And yes, a lot of young men & women are naive- which is completely normal. if you're a romantic that's fine & no one should feel pressured to have casual sex.

That is a wild take. I haven’t had loads of ONS but I have had my share of casual partners whom I had sex but wasn’t in love with or in a relationship.

Sex with someone you love is always better imo, that’s not controversial. But I have had fantastic sex with men I find dull AF - but I do climax from penetrative sex rather easily. That said, more men are very into giving oral these days, much more than when I was dating 10+ years ago. Many younger men actively want to pleasure their partner, which is news to many millennial men I’m sure!

I hate the line that as a woman you’re the one being “used.” So what, everything is worthless unless they marry? Having been married to a useless awful man, I was treated a lot worse after marriage than I was before.

It’s misogynistic patriarchal BS designed to take sexual pleasure away from women on the assumption that there’s no way we can enjoy sex for its own sake. Tell them to wind their necks in.