“Why would you have casual sex? Do you want a man to use your body and be done with you?l”

[Plorah]

I was with my family last weekend for a girls night. We were having a few glasses in the kitchen when an aunt said this to my 19 yo niece. I was taken aback and assumed everyone else was.

All the women present AGREED. I was really shocked as no one there is exactly a nun.

I’ve had a couple of ons and they were fun and carefree. I didn’t like the implication that sex is not about a woman’s pleasure.

This is an insane take right? I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of women I know are aligning a lot more with radical feminism these days ie Viewing and men quite cynically.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

I was just surprised this take was popular.

Exactly. I'm done to be honest. The attitude (from some) towards women who enjoy sex - even with strangers on one night stands - is awful. SO antiquated, and misogynistic, and bloody offensive!

I'm done on the thread now.

The OP asked if it was an insane take to view one night stands as a man using a woman, and so women are responding with their views about one night stands that are informed by their own experiences on both sides. So it kind of is what the thread is about.

Having several one night stands is gross, I don’t care who is offended. If you date a guy, go on a few dates know his last name and age at least I don’t think that’s bad,
one night stand you know nothing about them

I think it’s misogynistic for anyone to say that women don’t enjoy casual sex. BUT I do think that as a woman, if you have really wild sex with someone you can end up thinking you love them because of how the hormones work, when that person isn’t remotely suitable for you. This has happened to me…

Some of us admit we’ve done so because of mental health, trauma, self-esteem, pressure, and others have seen it happen with friends. And that it hasn’t been enjoyable and in other case downright traumatic.

It also depends on the type of casual sex. Multiple drunken ONS with strangers is clearly risky behaviour (frankly even for a man). Having sex with a long time friend much less so. The former probably hints at some issues that need to be worked through.

Nobody is wrong here, all types of situations exist.

Thank you. Very interesting.

I consulted ChatGPT re vasopressin vs oxytocin & the oxytocin of men vs women in committed relationships & they said :

1. Oxytocin vs vasopressin: the basics

Oxytocin: Often called the “bonding hormone.” It’s involved in pair bonding, trust, social recognition, stress reduction, and sexual arousal. Both men and women produce it. Vasopressin: Chemically very similar to oxytocin. In men, it’s associated with sexual motivation, territorial behavior, and pair bonding. It tends to act more strongly on behaviors related to mate guarding and pursuit.

1. Hormone release around orgasm

Men:

Vasopressin spikes before and during orgasm. This is linked to sexual motivation and goal-directed behavior.

Oxytocin does increase at orgasm, but the levels are lower and dissipate faster than in women. This is why the immediate “bonding” effect might be weaker in casual sex.

Women:

Oxytocin rises during sexual arousal and peaks at orgasm, contributing to bonding and emotional closeness.

Vasopressin plays a smaller role in women’s sexual behavior.

on average, men still tend to release less oxytocin than women after sex, even in committed relationships, but the difference narrows compared to casual encounters. Here’s why:

1. Baseline sex differences

Women have higher baseline oxytocin activity and their oxytocin surge during orgasm is typically larger and longer-lasting than men’s.

Men’s oxytocin does rise at orgasm, but the peak is usually lower and dissipates faster, even in committed relationships.

1. Context matters

In committed relationships, men’s oxytocin release increases relative to casual sex, especially if there’s emotional intimacy, cuddling, or affectionate touch before/after sex.

Studies measuring plasma oxytocin after sexual activity show that men in stable partnerships can have oxytocin spikes approaching those of women, but women still generally peak higher.

Of course CharGPT can get stuff wrong so I need to fact check, but that sounds likely to be at least somewhat accurate.

Exactly. There are women on this thread who have had multiple one night stands and in hindsight think it wasn't worth it/they wouldn't bother in the future, women who had negative or just less-satisfying experiences and so are more strongly against one night stands, women who were never interested in one night stands so don't see the point...as well as women who find they're fantastic fun, so are heavily in favour of one night stands.

Great! Everyone is different.

No one should be judged for having a casual shag, but equally, no one should be judged for not wanting to have a one night stand, or for having had poor experiences that put them off.

In addition, there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that many women have engaged in one night stands because of social pressure to be 'liberated' and not benefited, just as it's fine to acknowledge that many women might just enjoy it for themselves.

It's also interesting to look at the changing sexual landscape, and how patriarchy and misogyny (including porn) shape women's attitudes towards sex on both ends of the spectrum - either driving them away from sex and men altogether, or making them feel like casual sex is validating to their self-worth.

It's an interesting discussion to have, but the degree of personal judgement (especially the 'prude shaming', and laughing at women who have had poor experiences) is misogynistic and disappointing. A few posters have been sadly judgemental of those who have one night stands, but honestly I feel like most of the misogyny has come from those who are in favour of one night stands, with such classics as blaming a woman for having 'picked bad partners'.

I think that is the exact opposite of what she is saying, and I agree completely with that take on it, everyone is different and I wouldn’t judge anyone else’s choices

Sometimes people get horny and want a partner even if its a one night stand rather than a vibrator etc

Re friends, colleagues, I think that's key.

Imo women are way more likely to enjoy casual sex with someone they know & like. A lot of very different things get treated as casual sex which I think confuses the issue when it's being discussed.

Re vaginal orgasms, strictly speaking all orgasms are clitoral as the clitoris extends much further than previously thought. But ikwym. Most women cannot orgasm without some clitoral stimulation, that's been found many times.

We're not sexist Freudians who see clitoral orgasms as lesser nowadays - I hope!

It is factual that most women cannot orgasm from penetrative sex alone, there needs to be clitoral stimulation.

Trouble is, most men are terrible at sex and even the good ones usually need a few sessions before everything clicks. Chances are, if you have a one night stand, you’re going to get a dud.

Imo people may be thinking of OLD context where holding off sex can (not always) help to weed out men who are just on there to have ONSs but aren't honest about that.

What’s disgusting about sex? Of any consenting variety?

Technically the clitoris is stimulated during penetrative sex because the clitoris extends much further than previously thought. But I agree with your point. Most women need clitoral stimulation as well as PIV to orgasm.

I do agree that relationships with men should not be seen as the great prize that all women should aspire to. A bad relationship can be much more degrading, destructive and dangerous than a ONS.

To be fair though there are plenty of women on these sites looking for the exact same thing.

Pp might find it personally gross to think of having sex with someone she doesn't know/like/love etc. That's understandable - I feel similar myself.
This reminds me of the Alison Bechdel comic strip scene where 2 friends (both lesbian) are discussing casual sex. One of them is very pro. The other one says, 'I can't exchange intimate bodily fluids with someone I've just met!' Which is funny but imo sums the general issue up. Sex is complicated & is lots of different things to different people, but a lot of women do feel it's an intimate act they only want to do with someone they love/are in a relationship with, or at least someone they know & like. Obviously many women don't feel that way & that's fine, but many do.

One thing worth bearing in mind is that on average women have higher disgust sensitivity. This gets lowered for everyone during sex, but it's probably part of the reason why some women don't like the idea of casual sex.

Some of the responses on this thread are depressing. Remind me, we are in 2026 right...? 🙄

Isn't that a bit gross to talk about it that way? I wouldn't like men talking about casual sex to say 'it's like using a woman's body rather than a fleshlight', & I don't think the latter is OK either.

Hmm...Imagine a man saying 'I was just interested in the vagina, not the thing attached to it ' I don't think that kind of language is pleasant from men OR women

Where are you seeing these puritanical attitudes? And what do you think causes them?

Exactly this, I can’t have sex without feelings getting involved. But I appreciate we’re all different

Absolutely. That was my point. It's no more absurd than the idea that the woman's body is being used by the man.