DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

[Minimelanie]

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

YABU. Your son doesn't like long hair, he is able to make that decision for himself even in the first year of school.

You are being very naive if you think reception is too young to be bullied. Children will find any excuse and difference to make fun of at that age

For goodness sake OP isnt coming back

Your son should have the most day. Dad did the right thing.

Long hair is lovely, but if he doesnt like it and worse school friends are commenting on it then it is you bullying him into keeping it long.

Your Ds wanted short hair!

Kids shouldn’t be bullied about their hair length but they should also be able to say how they would like their hair.

His Dad probably really felt for him when he said kids had commented.

Maybe had you cut it shorter (but not crew cut) he would have been happy. But no: you wanted it longer.

Let it go, OP, maybe now just cut it a bit less each time and let it get to a shortish but not crew cut length.

Really not a hill to die on. Yes it's irritating but hair grows again. My son's step mum gave him an appalling hair cut (literally cut the fringe straight across and it looked like she'd put a bowl on his head and cut round it) 4 weeks later it didn't even show it had been cut.

YABVU, it’s only hair and at 5 your son is old enough to decide how he wants it. His dad has just as much right as you to take him for a hair cut.

Sorry but this is an absolutely shit attitude to have! 🙄🙄

I’d say it’s about how he wants it but mega short would upset me. If he’s happy let it go. Boys do often get mistaken for girls with longer hair. My then 4 year old son told me he and a new bestie who was a girl…. He definitely was not but had long blonde curly hair!

your son should have ALL the say about how he wants his hair. he is not your dress up dolly so don't treat him like one.

yeah usual thing
OP AIBU
MN yes
OP doesn't like answer.

I was bullied all the way through primary school. From age 6 till I went to high school at nearly 12. It still affects me today. The idea that he's too young to be bullied is simply wrong. You're putting your aesthetic preferences over your child's mental, and maybe physical, health. Stop it.

Sounds like Dad is listening to DS and you are not

At least he’ll be less likely to get nits!

This is where you’re going wrong.

you co-parent with your ex. He has equal say. However, unless your DS is asking for ridiculous hairstyles, both of you should listen to DS - it’s his hair.

Dad takes child to barbers, barber says ‘so what are we doing today’ child likely says ‘cut it off’ .. and that’s ok.

Your son should have most of the say, and it sounds like your ex has recognized that. I have a son of the same age and he decides how he wants it cut. Pretty cruel to force him to have a hairstyle he has protested against because you like it, IMO.

So you know what he wants and went against him. And no he isn’t too young for people to comment, but he might be too young to say “Sod off” to them!

As you know, the only one who gets a say in what your son's hair looks like is your son. Allowing them to make these decisions at a young age sets the foundations for strong autonomy in the future, and teaches them to believe that their voices are important, which is vital for self-esteem.

You son should decide how he has his hair especially if he's getting bullied for it. His dad has listened to him and made the appropriate decision.

And what does your son like?

At 5 my son told me what he wanted, and we followed HIS lead, I'd never ever give him something I wanted.

This has to be a wind up. This kid’s doomed otherwise

If someone who isn’t his dad did this eg your mum then you’d have a point but yabu not to consider your son’s feelings on the matter. He is old enough to have an opinion on hairstyles and unless it’s something banned by the school like blue hair then your son’s opinion matters and his dad did the right thing helping him.

Reception kids can be very black and white about boys and girls things and it takes a confident child to go against this.

He’s not too young to be bullied at all. And you need to listen to what he wants, my son has been growing his hair since he was 6 (now 9) I hate it. It looks messy and greasy all the time an he doesn’t care for it it the way long hair needs caring for! But it’s his hair; he gets called a girl all the time doesn’t care but it’s his choice

What an odd point. If your son wanted long hair I'd be on your side but he wants short hair, it's his hair

So he asked you and you said no?

So he asked his dad?

Clever lad! He’s learnt to communicate his preferences.