DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

[Minimelanie]

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

Sounds like your ex and his partner have stepped up and given your DS what he wanted and needed. If DS is happier with short hair and he feels more confident now he is not a target of teasing, then you need to back off.

Too young to be bullied? If he feels he'd be bullied with long hair, you're unreasonable to make him grow it. What his hair is like is far more important to DS than to you. Why make such a big thing of it?

Have you asked his dad when DS needed a haircut in the past?

Oh dear, your poor son! Does he not get any say?

You can’t be serious? Your little boy has himself said he doesn’t like having long hair.

At least his dad is willing to listen to him, even if you are not.

It’s lucky for your son that at least one of his parents listens to him.

You're in the wrong.
If your son is in school then he's old enough to decide how he wants his hair. His dad listened to him, you didn't.
Also, why is more important how you want his shot than how his dad does? Or the child?!

Ffs are you being serious? Thank goodness his father listens to him. Kids are fucking cruel at this age - you need to wake up.

No doubt the type who wants everything beige for your son because that's what you like !

The hair will grow back, not such a big deal IMO.

I'm reminded of the time when my mother decided that my brother <aged about 10> was old enough to go to the barbers on his own. This would have been in about 1976. So off he went. Now my brother was a big fan of The Beano, not knowing what to ask for, he asked for what Beano characters always asked for - a short back & sides. He came home looking like an American Marine with hardly any hair. He wasn't allowed to get his hair cut without her supervision for about 10 years. He also didn't need a haircut for about 9 months. 😂

Does your son like his new haircut?

He probably told his dad he’d like to have short hair.
Men are more black & white, he took him for the cut.

YABVU OP. This seems very centred on what you want, not on your son's perfectly reasonable wishes which is what his dad has followed. Yes, he maybe could have had a discussion with you beforehand but I would place money on it that you don't consult with his dad on such decisions if the shoe was on the other foot because you seem to think your wishes and right to make parenting decisions is more important.

YABU

There are much bigger battles ahead.

ah bless him - let him have his hair short if that is what he wants!

You were never a child then? 5 is not too young to be bullied. If he wanted his hair cut, then you should have done it.

You know you don't set your kids up for that sort of attention on principle. He's said he wants short hair, his dad listened to him. That seems fair - you can't always get what you want when you have to consider other people's feelings.

I'm being a bit facetious.

I do like long hair on men, but not as much as I like young people being able to make their own choices. So it was - and remains - a family joke that I bang on about how good he'd look with long hair. Which he would. It's a terrible waste. I mean, really, the world would be a much lovelier place if everyone just did what I say. But, oh no, everyone thinks they know better, don't they? Well, fine. Have it your way. Just don't come running to me when...er...well, I don't know what, but don't say I didn't try to warn you.

It's bizarre you would choose for your son to be bullied rather than get a cut.

Yabvvvvvvu not to listen to your son. Thank goodness his father intervened.

This!! I’ve got two DSs - if either had said he wanted short hair because other kids were saying he was a girl, I would have taken him to the barbers asap. You’re very much in the wrong here.

I was bullied relentlessly at 5 for having a "posh" accent, children are far from innocent little beings

😂

You son chooses how he has his hair, not you

So you chose not to believe him? Poor kid. Please listen to him more and don't assume he's lying and exaggerating.

It sounds like his Dad did him a big favour.