Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

Whf? Stop replying to my comments and I will stop explaining myself 1000 times!

That was the only time I’d replied to you!

Have a lovely relaxing evening.

But she has the right to say no to a relationship for her and her son, be it 5 seconds or 5 years, the Op has been polite and non-confrontational but the other Mum is the one pushing it and making it awkward NOT the OP.

You know how these things go, Simon wants a Bestie and OP's child is uncomfortable with him and if you read the OPs comments, there is a history with them. Better be polite and set boundaries now than face the Simon getting distressed when his targeted "Bestie" does not want to play with him throughout the day and more. I am not sure why the other Mum is trying to force this but it will only end in tears for Simon. She needs to read the room!

In my eye it's really no different from the mother of the kid down the road who goes to my sons college deciding to climb into my car with her kid because her kid likes going into college with my DS.. and waiting by my car every morning even though i've told her i'm not giving lifts because it disrupts my sons day.

IF that was happening everyone would agree that it's rude, intrusive, entitled and bullshit behaviour.

This woman isn't doing anything different.

Just tell her what you've said here and that Simon mustn't wait for your DS. I'd have her guts for garters with the head and school governors if she made it an official problem in her response.

She won't have read that post either.

Well if we are not polite to someone then we probably should not be surprised that that other side is offended. She probably feels her son was rejected, which is quite a sensitive issue.

Besides, do you really want to live in a society where everyone is rude to each other and there are no basic manners? If I don't want to sit next to you on a train, I just stand up and to the next seat. How would it make you feel if everyone behaved this way?

Oh please tell us what's she has put in class what's app group

Oh my God talk about emotional blackmail! Devastated! FFS! Stand firm OP, stand firm. Don’t give in to this shit!

I’m sick of the phrase “Be kind”. Too often it means “Be a doormat”. Good for you OP in teaching your child boundaries and that you don’t have to roll over for people who aren’t particularly nice to you. YANBU.

She is insane and honestly, I wouldn’t care that her husband is the head. I’d be going to the school and making it clear that your son seems to be the target here because he isn’t really friends with the boy, is happy to involve him during school hours but not during his free time, and the mum is now bullying you and you are worried about what her son will do to yours. I’d be asking for a second teacher to sit in if the head takes the meeting himself.

@Comfortable8520 - why is @OverheardBreakup‘s son pathetic for not wanting a child who has been unkind and controlling towards him as his ‘bestie’?

I assume you get to choose who your friends are, and aren’t forced to be friends with people you dislike - so why can’t a child do the same? Obviously he shouldn’t be polite and not unkind to Simon, but he doesn’t have to be his friend if he doesn’t want to!

Would you tell a girl that she had to let Simon be her boyfriend because he wants to - regardless of her own feelings? Do you think it is a good message to give Simon that his mummy will make other kids be his friend, even if he isn’t nice to them?

Do you think the first mum was polite telling OP off for "being late" for an arrangement she never made and asking her to text in future?

Sigh. You probably do, somehow.

But she keeps repeating herself. No help to the OP whatsoever.

Of course there was another way to deal with that - slowly distance herself from that mom, etc. The texts were quite rude in my opinion. It is bizarre that the second mom still wanted to be friends after that, perhaps she is really desperate to make friends for her son.

What I find weird on this thread is people comparing an adult to a 5 yo in their examples

and to be quite honest, if I was on a train and someone decided to chew my ear off for 7 mins then I would avoid them in future!

OP has been unfalteringly polite by messaging the mum to say the change of routine doesn't work for her. Her not being polite would've been walking past the other mum and Simon in the morning and ignoring them or telling them to leave her and her DS alone. She's politely tackled the problem head on.

But I doubt you'll listen. You seem determined to be obtuse.

"Hello. Guess what. So I now have a situation where DS doesnt want to go to breakfaat club because he isnt close to Simon and doesnt like going together. Arghhhhh. Sorry! I know Simons situation is better but I will have to put DS first and see if he settles at all. I will let you know if/when he wants to starting going in with Simon again. Hopefully with a break their rift will pass."

She isnt oblivious. She is understandably content her son wants to go in. I wouldnt expect any mum favours from her if you arent helping her with this...... you mever know what help you might need over the years. Id try to have good open comms with as many parents as possible.

Hope it works out.

I would not respond on the parents group nor anywhere else. I would not mention anything to anybody. To do so would be giving her attention, which is what this lady wants and you should never reward bad behaviour.
When she doesnt get the response she craves, she will either give up and go away or she will escalate and burst... and then everyone will know just how ridiculous she is.
Her poor boy!

I think you are a great Mum, and obviously your son does too!

I really don't understand why a 5 year old should suck up walking to school with someone he's not keen on. He doesn't want to, why should he?
The mum is ridiculous, op. I hope you get it sorted though at least it sounds like everyone will understand your side and you won't come across as the bad guy.

OP, I think a cheery "it's me 👋, and absolutely no embarrassment here thanks. As I have repeatedly explained to you, my son just likes to walk alone with me in the morning. No big deal and certainly no embarrassment."

She's a pushy CF OP.
Nothing nice about that type, best completely avoided.

She's essentially wanting an arrangement where you plan to walk to school together every morning like friends might have, but after only a few days. Clearly a bit bonkers. You're not unreasonable to send the message. I think I'd have probably gone for a different tack before such a direct written rebuttal but I'm more of a coward. For instance I'd have DS come in on his scooter and whizz ahead of me a certain amount where he can't be walked with. Basically a less direct message that still says you can't pin me down to be your safety blanket in the way you want to. Poor kid of hers. She had an opportunity to show him how to gradually make friends in a way that doesn't put people off, but instead went full in your face weird, giving him entirely the wrong message about how to be social.

So just because she's desperate for her son to make friends, OP should change her morning routine to accommodate them? When their DC don't even get on and Simon has been rough at playtime in a way her son doesn't like?

My nuclear option

'Your bloody insane. My 5 yer old just wants to walk alone to school as he struggles in the mornings. Get a grip and stop trying to make my child a sticking plaster for yours'

Alot of you seem to be completely missing what's going on. The OP's kid has been going to breakfast club with no issues until this Simon started going a week ago. The kid has tolerated Simon during school hours, they're not friends. Simon's mother has just proved that she doesn't respect boundaries and is trying to bring others into the drama because she doesn't like being told no. Simon isn't the issue right now, the mother is.

i appreciate what other people are saying about Drama, but i'm firmly of the belief that anticipating nice people will go for the 'quite life/no drama' option is how cunty fuckers like Simons Mom continue getting away with their outrageous behaviour.

They need calling out for it.

😂 cunty fuckers will be my go to this week whilst having a moan about my own CF experience today!