Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

Whf? Stop replying to my comments and I will stop explaining myself 1000 times! My opinion that OP's son's behaviour is pathetic (in this instance) would not change. Texting about it only made it worse - I saw the posts about this now being discussed on the bloody school WhatsApp group! How is that helpful to anyone?

It's weird to see that it's getting so out of control because of a few minutes a day. I am not saying the other side is better but why just not be polite and nice for a few minutes and do something that would look so rude

I didn’t realise that there was an MN rule that only the OP should be answered and no further info provided should be taken into account

weird idea for a chat forum

I hate confrontation, but I would be tempted to reply in the group chat with some of the good ideas above. A polite acknowledgement that it was you and it doesn't work for your child because I suspect she now thinks you will be intimidated by her "position" as spouse of the HT.

The compromise she offers is hilarious. Your son doesn't want to meet up, but my son does so your son needs to agree to do what mine wants as a compromise. Epic. I would love to hear what the other parents think.

Be Kind went out the window as soon as the pandemic hit. People are far more twattish and entitled now than before covid imo!

I would. With just a very brief and breezy response saying that it's precious time you and your son enjoy together and that you have already explained this in person and in a private message.

I would want to reveal myself quickly and put my side over before she can stir up any more nonsense. Then ignore any further message from her.

There is no harm in doing this at all as she already has a reputation and people who know you will know that you are a nice person.

You have done nothing wrong and outing yourself and dampening down this drama she is trying to ignite is fine.

It should never have been Be Kind anyway. Be Considerate maybe?

Because op and her son don’t want to. That should literally be the end of it. Other parent has asked (or rather heavily manipulated the scenario) Op has said no. End of story. We don’t always have to be polite to make other people comfortable.

It's also weird the mum takes him in. If the dad is on school grounds as the head, why can't Simon go in with him? Unless, I suppose, the dad gets to work ridiculously early.

And what is the difference, the point is she wants a tactful way to say no to this Mum and her son for whatever reason. Its their choice and they need to set boundaries but she is trying to be tactful. You can't really say "we don't enjoy your company " for whatever reason, without being confrontational can you? They absolutely have the right to pick and choose their friends and companions.

Although I understand the other Mums disappointment, she is being too pushy and not taking the non too subtle hint. She is a drama Llama!

Fgs. Please read all ops updates. It's not difficult.

I'm actually struggling to accept a HM's wife would act this way.

They are normally kept very much in their box.

And op was polite.

Dealing with a woman just like this right now, what makes people be like this?Nature or nurture? Or being in privileged positions?

Any updates?

Because that type of simpering, burdensome hand-wringing ‘niceness’ is fucking nauseating. No one should feel the need to be a doormat in order to keep the peace.

If Simon’s mother wants to throw a whatsapp tantrum, in a group of people that already consider her to be a massive twat, then that’s on her. Not OP’s problem.

What is pathetic about a 5 year old not wanting to walk and chat to another child he isn't keen on? Why is that pathetic?

He has to be nice and tolerate the child for 6 hours throughout the school day. He doesn't have to be nice and tolerate him when he's walking to school wanting to talk to his mum. He 5?

He might be willing to sacrifice some of his mum-time if it was his friend but not for the sake of someone he doesn't like very much. I give up 3 days of annual leave every year to go and visit my best friend but I wouldn't book an afternoon off to meet up with a mum I didn't like much.

I don't know why I am bothering, you're just trolling now.

Please explain why should OP give up their morning routine to accommodate a child that her son doesn't like. A morning routine that gives them quality time to chat 1-1. Why exactly should OP put a stop to that? And why is it pathetic for them wanting to keep to a routine they both clearly hold dear? Why is it impolite to want to establish boundaries.

I really am all ears.

There is a lot that is odd about the way Simon's family are going about things.

It is also unusual for dc of teachers onsite not to be very well behaved.

Good grief.

does it need to be shouted? BECAUSE HER SON HAS SAID HE VALUES WALKING TO SCHOOL WITH JUST HIS MOM AND LIKES HAVING THOSE 7 MINUTES TO JUST THEM.

What exactly is your problem in understanding that?

I don't think she doesn't understand; she simply has a different opinion on how she would handle it.

That's how discussion forums work.

And why is it that it is only your son who has to be kind, @OverheardBreakup? He deserves kindness too - he isn’t just a support human for Simon. I think you have done the right thing by supporting your son. I am sure you have told him he has to be polite to Simon, and can’t be nasty to him, but he shouldn’t be expected to sacrifice his happiness for that of a child who hasn’t treated him well in the past.

If Simon wants friends, maybe Simon needs to be a better friend.

😂😂😂

I often wonder are posts like this deliberately obtuse?

Its every single day, not a one off.🙄

The madness is that parents like you think so little of your own children, are so dismissive of their comfort and boundaries, that you would prefer to disregard what the OP's child has clearly stated as his preference, to satisfy the demands of another child, EVERY SINGLE MORNING ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL.

That is the real madness IMO.

It's more than a 2 minute walk. OP stated 7 minutes in one of her posts. Valuable 1:1 time.

No, she didn't understand that more information can be presented later in a thread than the OP, which should be relevant to any replies. And also doesn't understand that bleating "Why not just do as the other mum says" when numerous posters have answered that question makes you look a bit like the lightbulb isn't quite screwed in fully.