Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

Ok OP what is the main issue? If your son's friend walked with you would that still be a problem?

I'd be surprised if so. It could be that your son is also missing 1:1 time with you - that's not what was presented as the main issue though.

Your son refused to go to the breakfast club if Simon walks in with him. How is that about 1:1 with you?

I mean....I don't really know how to respond to this... Please, I beg of you...use that little filter button and read all of my posts and put us all out of our misery

I would reply in the group chat why she felt the need to go on an attention seeking tangent over a matter that has already been privately resolved. However, I am admittedly the type that prefers to meet passive aggression with a flame thrower, and I don’t do awkwardness.

You're not the headmaster's wife are you?

Why are so many people asking why Simon goes to BC if his mum doesn't work??

How on earth would the OP know?

The point has been made.

But, just to offer an explanation, not all schools' before and after school clubs are full. Not all the children who attend have parents who work. Some are there because they are vulnerable and some are there because their parents want them to attend for a variety of reasons - some because they like to go to early morning exercise classes, some because they'd rather their children were just not at home and some because they hope it will help their children socially.

Before and after school clubs aren't exclusively for parents who work. You put your child's name down and, when a space becomes available, it is offered. That's it.

They don't require proof of hours or employment.

Yes, I get the idea that Simon has been causing difficulties once in the school building/playground from OP, and that's surely the bigger issue if he is being rough and upsetting some children? Of course he might have problems or need additional support, but for his sake and the other children's this is the issue that needs looked at (and I am sympathetic both to him and the other kids if he's struggling), but this is surely more of a concern than a 2 minute walk.

Possibly because that's what he needed to do to get his mum to fix it, he knows he has to go as she has to work, and he's 5, so he used the only tactic he had.

😂

She really is a CF

Or just ignore, Does she really merit any more input from OP who has made herself very clear.

You’re quite persistent aren’t you? Are you paid by Justine to ‘not understand’ to push thread engagement?

This.
Keep the conversation polite but be firm
Your focus has to be your own child and he isn’t in school to support another child.
The fact that the other mum is the HT wife is irrelevant and she should be using that as an excuse to want for a buddy scheme for her DS.

best post

I just asked OP - if it was not Simon but her son's friend walking with them - would that be an issue? It does not seem though. That's the reason I don't see the lack of 1:1 as the main problem here.

We don't know what's happening as school and if OP's son is spending all the time with Simon. Surely if that was the case he would have brought it up? (If he can't tolerate Simon even for 10 minutes or so..)

All those posters saying just put up with it

Would You advise your daughters to do the same?

There is someone I don’t like who gets violent . They expect me to walk with them into work each day.
I get the later train and they are waiting for me. I get the earlier train and they are waiting for me. They are now expecting me to tell them what train I am on

Can you not see how creepy this sounds

Goodness, the cheek.

I know you said you'd just done a thumbs up, but i'd think being more blunt would be best here:

"Mabel, stop pushing. My son is feeling overwhelmed with the attention from your son in the mornings, and my duty here is to look out for him. I hope you find a solution that works for you. Please back off and stop forcing friendships on us here."

I’d absolutely have to respond. I can’t bear these types of people! And by these types of people I mean ones who are politely told no but will not accept this as a valid response!!

I’d probably say in the group chat

‘it’s ok Simon’s mum I don’t mind you saying you’re talking about me, like I said earlier my ds just wants to walk with me into school, that’s what he prefers. no dramas, Have a lovely evening everyone’

Is there no other route to breakfast club in the morning?

OP your son clearly values the connection that he gets with you during his walk across the park. I'd be protecting that too! He's only 5! I'm sorry you've had a ridiculously hard time on this thread! Different situation, but I very deliberately carry my 2 year old into the childminder's house every morning, rather than having her walk beside me. I make sure we get that last cuddle before she runs off to play. I don't see this as any different.

I am the HT’s wife, What ever I say you have to do

With Simon the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

Wonder who’s idea it was to pick the house they live in

I was class rep for my sins. I would have swiftly removed her post and reminded everyone the what's app is for school related info only (but im mean and hate drama)

What did she say in the group chat OP?

I would… I would say something along the lines of
“My 1:1 time with my own child in the mornings is something we both cherish, my Son likes a quiet moment to set him up ready for the day and meeting Simon ahead of breakfast club everyday was getting too much for him at the moment.
Im sure if you speak to the breakfast club staff they implement something perhaps a special game that he can do when he gets in so he can look forward to going under his own steam rather then relying on other children whose plans may change from day to day.’
As long as your child is polite and fair during the school day he absolutely should not be forced to spend time with someone he doesn’t want to in his own time, regardless it’s 6 mins or 16…
There is someone is my place of work that I tolerate, super polite to when we are together and we just get on with the job in hand.
There is no way I would want to spend even a second outside of work time with them because they are pretty awful 😂

Leave it.

You can tell which posters have never had dealings with adults and children like this

These sort of parents and children become obsessive. It's awful. And when you manage to come away they paint you/ your child as an awful people, because you did want to be friends with them.

I get it OP. And there's a big difference from being kind to putting up with someone forcing themselves in your space or time when you've made it clear you/ your child don't like it. And they don't care do they 🤦‍♀️ they only care about their own feelings and perception in it all

You've done the right thing OP

You say you're polite and have manners yet call a 5 year old pathetic? Mhmmmmm