Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

Everything in the situation I posted you about in what you have quoted above is in this thread. It’s useful sometimes to click ‘see all’ or use the app to filter all the OPs posts.

Many posters have tried to draw your attention to all the information but you seemed intent on ignoring that and focusing on my opening post only. People asked questions, I responded with further details.

I have read them all! Only I disagree.

To answer the Q ‘if someone I disliked was tagging along during my work commute’, if I had a close friend with me (equivalent to a mum to a 5yo), then no I wouldn’t care that an extra person was there, I would just say hi and continue my conversation with my friend.

The devil in me wants to pop onto that chat and spill the beans.

what a manipulative piece of work

I'd be so tempted to stick my hand up in the group WhatsApp in response to the "name and shame" post to say "Don't worry about it, Deirdre, I'm not in the least ashamed. All that happened was that my son wanted to keep to his only quality 1-1 time with me and I decided I should listen to him".

You’ve created this problem by not being direct in the first place.

‘Hi, to be honest, my DS finds walking to school with others a bit overwhelming recently and would prefer to go into breakfast club alone to start his day. I know Simon really loves going in with DS, but I have to put my son’s needs first. I hope you can understand. Thanks, X’s mum.’

It’s people not being direct and going round the houses that creates these problems. You can be direct and still polite. If she doesn’t get the message then tell the school.

The other is not doing great either! Needs to learn to respect others boundaries and be better at taking no. His mom is not the one currently looking for an advice on Mumsnet though, is she.

The time isn't really relevant. She isn't entitled to any of OP's time.

The multiple texts wouldn't exist if she wasn't so entitled in the first place.

The public passive-aggressive stuff was a seriously bad move by the other Mum. Word is inevitably going to get out and cause horrendous embarrassment to her husband. She must be really quite deluded if she doesn't realise that she won't get support in the group anyway after her previous conduct.

I’m a great believer in “least said soonest mended”.
The sensible mums will keep out of it. The drama queens will pile on.
I’d be nodding cordially to Simon’s mum when I see her, but keeping my distance from her, regardless of what she does.

I'm with you, OP.

You've got a situation where your son loves talking to you and sharing about his day, he tells you when he's upset and trusts you to have his back. Why would you risk messing that up? Ofc you're polite and kind to others. But boundaries are good too and it's important to support your child as you are doing.

Depressing how many people are coercive and don't take no for an answer under the pretence of be kind.

I am sure op is very kind, when she chose to be.

jeeeeeeee

God for you for sticking up for your son. Noone wants a forced friendship or a unhappy child in the morning

But even if it were just that the OP and her son don't like them and don't want to walk with them anymore, that would be enough. Why wouldn't it be? I spend time with people I like and whose company I enjoy. Don't you?

Blimey, we have threads here where women tell each other that just not wanting to do something is a good enough reason - no is a complete sentence.

But we're not allowing a 5 year old to do the same?

What does her WhatsApp message say OP? Im
with you. My child being comfortable going to school at that age is the most important thing. It comes before another kids need for company.

I feel for Simon and his mum, but it’s not your son’s problem. Simons behaviour is clearly causing other kids to back off from him.

It’s a 7 minute walk, and her ds also upset at having to walking in with someone who he doesn’t like being with.

I should so that, though I'd be really tempted, I'm inclined to think you're better off keeping quiet. Not least because you can claim the moral high ground there in not having got embroiled in a silly public fight.

It is absolutely dogged. We are several hours and several messages between you both (and a group message) later, with plenty of posts added to explain why he is upset.

Honestly coming out the other side of parenting when the kids are gone they are gone. Your time with them is a million times more valuable than the feelings of pushy strangers. Also them knowing you have their back and don’t prioritise people pleasing others.

You will totally lose touch with these randoms but you’ll never get back the year your son is 5 again. Sorry not sorry!

You know I think a lot of people seem to have missed (or deliberately ignored) the fact that she wants you to text her if you are not at the start of the footpath every day for 8.40 or whenever. Who needs that when you're dropping off 2 kids?

Oblivious Mum would annoy the shit out of me and it’s great that you’ve drawn boundaries to protect that precious time with your son and his feelings. Doesn’t matter if it’s only 10mins, it sounds like the best 10mins of the day.

She can get in the bin.

It’s going to be a looooong stint in primary and secondary school for Simon if his mum doesn’t stop being so unhinged and indulging his shit, annoying behaviour.

I hope for your sake and your DC’s sake that she continues her strop with you for the rest of primary school so that you don’t have to speak to her or walk with her again!

I have just remembered that me and DC had a similar experience, but it was about taking it in turns to walk the kids in. My DC just wanted me to take him, and when I (eventually) had better boundaries with the other parent and stopped the turn taking, the other parent blanked me for the next few years of primary - I was devastated of course 😂

well that's entitled cheekyfuckery to the highest degree AND she has put a comment in the whatsapp? Is there any way you can get some "advice" from the head teacher without naming names? Assuming of course that he is a normal person and not like his wife? Alternatively ask for advice in the Whatsapp group "asking for a friend whose child goes to a different school and doesn't want to post about it in her own group"?

Fortunately the OP is not peri menopausal I would have to hold back from texting “sod off” or something now my people pleasing hormones have receded!

I might have missed some posts as there is a lot of them.

Didn't say the other mother was nice or polite, clearly a lot of issues on their side.

I did mostly say one specific thing - if my DC would not be able to put up being next to someone they don't like for a few minutes I'd be concerned. I replied to the original post that did not revolve around the 1:1 time issue. The lack of 1:1 is separate issue anyway, a bit hard to comment on it but that was not the point on the main post anyway.