Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

@Theemptycappuccinocup

This woman's idea of 'compromise is "I tell you what to do and you do it".

I'd be tempted to say "it's me!" too...

You are not being in any way unreasonable. I honestly can't believe anyone would call a 5 year old's behaviour pathetic.

This

FFS is it so hard to read the OPs posts and see that her son enjoys the alone time with his Mum and doesn't want to lose that in order to 'suck it up' with a child he doesn't like and his CF Mum, just to keep another child happy?! Its got nothing really to do with the boy walking next to him. And I suspect NONE of this would have actually been that much of an issue if the CF Mum hadn't insisted on hanging around waiting for them/demanding the OP message her to let her know if she's running late etc - they'd have bumped into each other from time to time, and it wouldn't have mattered so much.

You should! You could just say, "Appreciate you trying not to name me, but I don't mind. There's nothing for any one to be embarrassed about, it's all fine"

Then you aren't being difficult but making it clear that no one needs to be incognito!

I advise again, do not engage further. The escalation after her second message was unnecessary and has now led to her trying to garner sympathy with the wider community which is uncomfortable for everybody.
Unless you want to make a massive drama to highlight her audacity to everybody, you would be better to remain publicly quiet and only confide in a couple of friends you really trust.

Yes or just just the "it's me!" with the explanation mark. Maybe I prefer that actually!

Why is the other mother absolved from any duty of politeness or basic manners? She is trying to impose her son on another child who doesn't want his company and is being deliberately obtuse in response to OP's perfectly reasonable responses.

You haven't answered the question why you deem it pathetic for a 5 year old to want a few minutes' uninterrupted quality time with his mother in the mornings? It's not as if he can get it at any other time as his younger brother will always be around.

Yes, i wouldn't engage on the group chat. Should one of the other mums guess it, having seen you walking together and approach you individually, that's different, but otherwise keep your counsel now. You're off the hook, and that's what matters.

I would seriously consider to put on the group chat:

’Pushy mum, to reiterate what i told you in a private message, me and DS enjoy our morning walk and chat and have been happy with the routine for the past year or so. Your demands we change our routine, just because you feel like we should, are quite frankly baffling, not to mention also astonishingly entitled. Why is it that you feel we should do something that makes us unhappy, care to explain?’

What a bitch.

There are so many good comebacks you could make. But she strikes me as someone who will insist on having the last word. So at the moment I think just leave it.

Cant believe the flack a few people on here have given you for looking out for your 5 year old!

Honestly I think you have done the right thing.

I don’t even understand why Simon goes to breakfast club if she is not working!

Your son wants his time with you, I think that’s adorable.

@OverheardBreakup I would just put on the group chat...

I assume you're talking about me? There's nothing for me to be embarrassed about. I've explained that my ds values our alone time as being a working mum it's the only time we get alone together and having anyone encroaching on that has upset him, which is why I've texted you and explained that you'll need to make other arrangements, and not just assume it's OK to wait for us so your ds has someone to walk with. I really hope you find a solution, but I have to put my ds' needs 1st, as I'm sure you understand.

Op but your original post was not about the lack of 1:1 time you spend with your son. That's quite an issue (well, would be for me but I would try to deal with it another way).

The post is all about how your son does not like Simon and hates these pretty short walks with him. Yes, noone saying Simon sounds nice. But from what I've seen (and looking at my own DC) your son's reaction to Simon seems to be rather extreme. And so is your reaction to Simon's mom, to be honest. It's not like they are most pleasant people in the world but we have to deal with such people, from time to time.

Everyone has their own degree of toleration anyway. I just wrote my opinion.

I really like this suggested message. Simple and unashamedly forward.

Or just people who find the whole thing surreal ...

I would just reply to her message and say what you have said from the start, that you and your ds enjoy your short little walk to breakfast club in the morning as it gives you both a chance to catch up. I wouldn't apologise as you've done nothing wrong. You tried walking with them but it was to the detriment of your ds. Makes you wonder just where Simon gets his behaviour from...

Years ago I read something which really stuck with me. If you don't listen to the small stuff why would they tell you the big stuff. It's all big stuff to them. It made me try to be more present when mine were little and were telling me about all sorts of inane stuff, as it was big and important to them

I’ve lost track of the poster who suggested the Taylor Swift gif as a response in the group chat.

I was also thinking of something along the lines of the Wagatha Christie reveal…

But I think I’ll keep my powder dry and see what is being said at after school pick up

Please turn up to the school pick up in a traitor's style robe and lamp, then reveal your face with a flourish when the other mums are talking, pondering who this miscreant, miser of a mother is who has offended the Head's wife

yes I was suprprised at that too....its the old "be kind" bromide.

Or just

Yep, agree with this response - just take the wind out of her sails.

I'd be posting the messages sent between you and her on the class thread, tbh
People will see that you've been perfectly nice about it.
I'm a complete bitch though, you might be a better person than me!

Ok even if so... We are talking about several minutes on a day. Not that she's trying to consume all OP's time! It's so much awkwardness (I would feel very awkward after such texts) because of nothing IMO