Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

Wow you’re a peach aren’t you

and the other boy doesn't want to go to breakfast club if OP's son doesn't walk with him.

Why is one perfectly reasonable but the other insane?

My CF was presumptuous enough to contact the coaching organiser of my tennis club and ask for my child, whom had been in coaching for several years, to be put back into a starter group so her child would be more comfortable!

The organiser rang me to ask me was I aware? And that she had made it very clear that that was not happening.
I dropped my usual diplomacy and called her a CF and unhinged, and requested the children not coach on the same days.

I then sent my message, and gave the teacher the heads up too, to keep them apart.

I was furious with her interference in my childs coaching and wasn't discreet about mentioning it either to several other parents.

Some parents honestly think the whole world revolves around them and their childs comfort zone.

What a lovely boss. The point at which I found myself hiding behind a large advertising hoarding on the station platform to avoid a very talkative woman was when I realised I needed to have a word both with her and myself....

She sounds utterly bonkers. Unable to understand that everyone is not obliged to bend to her will.

Simon, as they say round here, didn’t lick it off the grass …

Please reply with a Taylor Swift gif and say

“It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
At tea time, everybody agrees”

I wouldn't wade in and I would resist the urge to message her privately telling her she's out of order slagging you off on the class chat, but I would screenshot it all, just in case.

I would reply it she so she doesn't feel she has some sort of power over you.

Not sure why you think I need saving from ‘embarrassment’ I’ve already made my position clear and I’m still sticking to it. I really don’t think it’s fair to keep pushing. Hope Simon manages to work something else out.

We seem to be in the minority, but creating so much drama and animosity over a 6 minute walk with a classmate is just madness.

FFS why can’t you just hold your son’s hand while walking when they join you, surly he won’t be upset at walking next to you while you exchange pleasantries with another mum? And if the other boys does something upsetting you’ll be able to handle it.
If it’s just the fact that this boy is walking next to him that is upsetting, I’m sorry but I’m in the ‘suck it up’ camp.

OMG they walk among us.

It's madly cathartic to read these stories a Is ma dealing with gigantic CF atm.

OP isn't the one creating drama. She just wants to be left to walk with her son to school in peace.

This is perfect

It's not about him getting upset as they walk, it's about the fact that OP's son doesn't want to change their routine of walking and talking to school on their own.

If you walked the same route to work every day and a co-worker started tagging along and chatting away and you found it annoying, would you suck it up too? Every single day?

Exactly. This woman is utterly unable to take a hint and then an express request. Two in fact. That’s on her.

I guess Simon is a child who expects to get his own way all the time, just like his mum. The problem with making excuses or trying to wriggle out of things with people like this is that they have no embarrassment at all about coming back and pushing for what they want, so they will dispute, wheedle, emotionally manipulate and push for a compromise, exactly as this woman has done.

It's probably better just to say 'Trevor doesn't enjoy being friends with Simon and has been upset about walking in together. From now on we won't be walking with you'. When my DD was 6 I went into school and said I don't want my DD to be forced to play with this child any more. She will not be rude, but I have told her she doesn't have to play with her and I expect you to support that'. There is a certain amount of expecting small children to rub along, but it's not acceptable to force a child into a friendship they don't want. I would have a word and say you don't want your child forced to play with Simon.

The mum is an absolute twat for putting it on the class chat. Pure manipulation. At least everyone isn't saying 'oh no, poor little Simon' 🙄. So they probably know what he's like.

It's not that I don't think that OP's son would not develop empathy or kindness... It's that I am surprised at the lack of ability to tolerate walking with another boy for several minutes.

As far as the original post says nothing wrong is happening when they walk together - no bullying, no issues etc. As I mentioned, I would be concerned if my DC would not be able to endure such a short time period next to someone they don't like and even refuse going at all! It seems to be a bit of an extreme reaction

Tell us you haven't read all the OP's posts without saying "I haven't read all the OP's posts" ...

I think that is a really tactful message but I do sort of get her position, if her son dislikes going in and he thinks he has found a friend that makes it tolerable for him (and his Mum) then life is so much easier and I can understand her disappointment but she needs to suck it up. BUT if she is weaponizing the group chat, maybe try being a bit more to the point.

"Hi, I think I just need to explain that I am a working Mum and mornings are a rush for me so we both really enjoy the quiet 1.2.1 time we get together on that walk to school and we are really missing it.

I know you will appreciate 1.2.1 time with your kids is so important and so I'm hoping you will understand that when my son says he misses it, its important I listen to him as he has lots of opportunities during the day to seek out his friends. Its a really valuable time for us. Its only a short walk so there sadly isn't time for compromise or you following us as it defeats the object. I'm sorry if this disappoints Simon but just like you are trying to do the best for him, I'm trying to do the same for us. Its tough being a mum isn't it, we just want the best for them! Take care!

I'm sure all the other Mum's will think she's being ridiculous. I've been lucky that our school Mum group are all lovely, I don;t think they'd respond either on a group chat to something like this, but they'd definitely be thinking it!

I still can't believe so many people think he should lose out on his time to appease someone else that he doesn't even like, You do NOT teach your children personal boundaries that way. All your saying is, no matter how someone makes you feel, you need to put their feelings above yours. Terrible lesson which will eventually have repercussions.

You can still be polite while sticking to your own boundaries.

The cheek of starting with "FFS" too.

IMHO don't feed the drama llama. She's got the bit between her teeth now and she'll just keep escalating at the least 'provocation'. If you don't feed the beast, it'll slink away looking for 'food' drama elsewhere.

And remember "them that minds don't matter and them that matters don't mind". If someone comes to you and asks if it's you, tell them the truth. Otherwise let her words be water off a duck's back.

Also @OverheardBreakup her message to you is about "compromise" - but there is no compromise, is there? She's trying to guilt trip you into pushing your son into a friendship that HE DOES NOT WANT. He is 5 years old, he can verbalise his wishes and make up his own mind. Sod all the other people on here, telling you to put up and shut up, because, you know, "manners". Stand up for yourself and your son (as you have rightly done), and if she and Simon don't like it, then that's unfortunate. Coping with disappointment is a life skill he will have to learn

I wouldn't.

Some of the parents would love the gossip, but most will think she's pathetic. Particularly if she's already got off on the wrong foot with people.

It'll either die a death or she'll escalate it. If it dies a death, it'll be better your name is kept out. And if she escalates it, better that you stay out so it can't be seen as six of one and half a dozen of the other.

The only person “creating drama and animosity” is the mum who can’t take No for an answer! Good GRIEF