Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

Simon’s mum is the one creating the awkwardness. Awkwardness that is not OP’s to resolve, by being steamrollered into doing what she wants.

No wonder Simon finds friends, breakfast club and the playground hard, when his mum has always been right out there trying to make everyone do what he wants. He’s the one who needs to learn a lesson, not OP’s DC.

Did you miss this?

However, DS seems to more have an issue that he and I don't get time to talk and walk together (don't get me wrong, he is not enjoying walking with Simon either). Previous poster is right that he has a younger brother who is louder and more extravert. So when I take him in, we usually talk about what's coming up at school, he downloads the previous day to me, what he wants to have for tea etc and sometimes we play a game of counting how many robins we can spot. This is what he misses and is saying he'd rather not go to breakfast club and walk in together later if it's going to continue.

But I also would not text this person and tell them to leave me alone, would I?.. It's hardly an appropriate behaviour. I would be polite and friendly, but try to do my own thing, etc. Not ask them to walk in front of me in a park, that would be really awkward!

Disagree. The op and her son had them pegged from the beginning. Their cf vibes came across loud and clear. As you can see the Cf has no grace at all to back off and respect another person's polite 'no', now she is making a public drama.

Best thing is, she is probably reasonably well doing middle class her husband position has influence in their social circle and yet, and yet, somehow she and her son are the victims here. Because they want to coerce others to do their family's bidding. Quite unethical with her dh being the head and all. Crazy woman. I bet the boy would be nicer if mum wasn't a cf

Yes, she’s probably trying to garner some sympathy.

Why wouldn’t you? It’s an entirely appropriate response.

It works out at 32 hours and 30 mins give or take over the school year.

No responses from any other parent yet. But she’s kindly decided ‘not to name and shame the other mum to avoid embarrassing them’… she feels I’m so out of order that she wants to save my blushes in the group.

A lot of these weird comments are probably from overbearing mums with overbearing children. Incredible that anyone would think you’re unreasonable.

Read the original post. It all revolves around another boy! OP's son does not even now want to go to the breakfast club because another boy walks with them for several minutes...

That's insane!

I think you've done the right thing OP. It's ok for people to not like everyone! With my DD I always say it's fine not to like other children but still respect them and don't be mean.

I'd probably qoute her message saying its me its me.
Now respect my decision to walk to school on my own with my child

You can be polite and direct.

But it’s clear that you are being to subtle and she’s not reading your mind and doesn’t understand what you think you are trying to communicate.

that’s not working so you need to tell her directly. You can still be polite about it

YANBU OP. Your DS is unhappy, you have told the woman and she still tries to steamroller over you because her DS needs are more important than your DS needs.

I hope she doesn't cause you too much trouble. It might be wise to mention it to the teacher so that she can keep an eye on both boys .

Yes it's like a script, make cheeky selfish proposal, don't take no for answer keep insisting using emotional blackmail and if the final NO has been heard they go off and badmouth you to your community.

Sad and predictable.

Why force any time together at all? It isn't necessary or wanted. It's also rude to try and force time together.

OP's DC enjoys spending some 1-1 time with his mum without his younger sibling there in the mornings before a day at school. What on earth is wrong with that?

I started a new job in my twenties and realised my boss got my train. He strode up to me on the platform on my first day and said he thought I was a very nice person but he valued his alone time on the train in the morning so he would say good morning each day then sit somewhere else. What a relief for us both! The thought of a pushy intrusive stalker like this woman every morning makes my blood run cold. Urgh.

I’m in two minds about putting my hand up in the group chat. To be honest this has got way more out of hand than it needed to already. I’m not sure if adding to the group chat will just create sides

💯

Oh do post it OP - see what she comes back with then

ETA - you are SO not being unreasonable. Why should your DC have to be the child that carries her son's emotions?? Surely, the other mother should be teaching her son independence and to give people space if they ask for it??

I am sorry OP my view on politeness and basic manners would not change in this case. And I did not call your son pathetic, I wrote that his behaviour (in this instance) is pathetic.

In my view the texts you sent only make the situation worse and they will create so much tension. I can't believe you thought it was a good idea to resolve the situation this way.

What did she actually say? Something along the lines of 'a mean mummy who I've kindly decided not to name and shame to save embarrassing her, won't walk to school with me and lovely sweet Simon, would anyone like to join us as he'll be very sad if you don't and you don't want to be a big green meanie like her, do you?'

Of course it's appropriate

I already replied but I will do it again because apparently some people can't read a full lot of OP posts.

However, DS seems to more have an issue that he and I don't get time to talk and walk together (don't get me wrong, he is not enjoying walking with Simon either). Previous poster is right that he has a younger brother who is louder and more extravert. So when I take him in, we usually talk about what's coming up at school, he downloads the previous day to me, what he wants to have for tea etc and sometimes we play a game of counting how many robins we can spot. This is what he misses and is saying he'd rather not go to breakfast club and walk in together later if it's going to continue.