Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

Because he wants to talk to his mum instead. How many times?

I think she's being manipulative!

I'd maybe reply: "So sorry to hear things are difficult. Maybe try the Whatsapp group to see if there's someone else walking in? As I said, the current situation is upsetting ds and making him not want to attend breakfast club so we do need it to stop. I hope you find a good solution for your ds."

Where has OP suggested her son should never have to interact with Simon? She's fully accepted that he interacts with him in Breakfast Club and in school. That's 7 hours a day potentially, FFS. Why does he have to give up his 10 minutes a day quality time with his mother as well?

Lol Glad to make you smile, OP. I feel really bad for you with this dominating woman gate-crashing your school run. What a cheeky mare. At least now maybe she will finally take the hint that you won't be walking in with her anymore. Shame you had to jump through all those bloody hoops to arrive there though. I hope you finally get some peace in the mornings now. Holy moly indeed! Haha.

Really sad that you think it’s strange my 5 year old would like to have a chat to his mum on the way in rather than walk with someone he’s not keen on. And I honestly can’t believe you’ve called a 5 year old boy pathetic

I dont think she knows the rules of life and is just playing "Simon Says" and expecting everyone else to fall in line

This made me laugh out loud… 🤣

Good Luck OP
You can't reason with Crazy.
Try to ignore and leave her to it.

I bet all the other parents who've read the WhatsApp are now rethinking their plans for tomorrow to avoid her.

And I don't blame them one teeny tiny bit.

@OverheardBreakup you can obviously tweak it to suit and remove the bit about him being rough.

So. If my DC told me they don't like someone from the class walking next to them, I would validate these feelings.

But I also would teach them that it's good manners to be friendly and put up with someone, as it's just for a few minutes. It's not like they are spending hours together, not even 10 minutes.

I think what OP is doing would only make the situation worse and create so much unnecessary awkwardness...

There are some parents who are so single minded regarding their own child’s interests they would literally steam roller anyone else over including other children to benefit their own. It’s hard to describe until you see it - as op is doing now.

I had to step in when I realised my own then primary aged Dd was being used as an essentially a support worker for a friends child. Not a moments regard was given to my own child’s needs. School were very quick to unwind the arrangement they had made as it was obviously good for her Dd but not mine who was missing lessons and other stuff for her kid. When I mentioned this to the other mum she was totally baffled. All that mattered was her Dd. She gave not one shit about my child actually it hadn’t even occurred to her. It’s like the ultimate main character energy other children are there for minor support roles only. Beware this type and push back - hard.

I think k I've concluded that the people who disagree with the OP are just focusing on the time and the action.

They didn't refuse outright, it happened several times.

The OP wasn't unwilling to do it and encouraged her child to go along with it initially.

But, the OP's child said he didn't want to do it anymore and gave reasons for it. That isn't unkindness that needs correcting. That is a child expressing his own feelings and needs and he should be listened to.

He wants to do the walk across the park with his mum. He wants to have the time with his mum that they have had since he started school. He wants the routine that he and his mum have established to continue. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

It's lovely that they have that time together and it's lovely that it means so much to her son.

It's really irrelevant whether it's 2 minutes, 6 minutes or 8 minutes. It's also irrelevant how many friends Simon has, whether he's a bit rough on the playground, what his mum wants or whether he likes walking in to BC alone or not.

None of that means that the OP should change their routine to accommodate someone else's wants. They are allowed to make their own plans and have their own routines without changing them because someome else wants them to.

It doesn't mean he's won't learn empathy or compassion or kindness. It does mean that his mum has got his back and that will give reassurance that his voice is heard and that he matters. He will develop a stronger sense of self because of it. He will learn that he and his needs matter too.

You have my sympathy OP.

I met one like her years ago.
Her child decided my son was his bestie and she tried to be a complete CF.
Didn't care a toss about what my child wanted, just wanted to satisfy hers.

She also thought she could give parenting advice like your CF.

She is rude a fxxk and so presumptuous as to think that she can presume to tell you what she thinks is important for you to teach your child.

Screenshot that message.

I had similar and had to tell her very firmly that her relentless pushing had made me most uncomfortable and that I would not be responding any further to her messages.

I would avoid her as much as possible.

Well done for putting a stop to it. Sounds like she is known for being awkward so shouldn't cause any drama for you and your son.

That's not what OP is saying through?.. It's the particular boy they don't like, not that it's their sacred time

@Comfortable8520
Upthread another poster and I had wondered if Simon latched on to the OP’s ds so he could sit with him at breakfast club, so it wouldn’t be just the walk across the park.
And if Simon isn’t nice in the playground then others probably don’t want to sit with him.

I probably sound mean here, but perhaps the other parent should be teaching her son a life lesson here. He's behaved badly in the past, OPs son doesn't want his morning routine upset because of him, and it's not a 5 years job to pacify her child!

If she doesn't work then he doesn't even need to go to breakfast club, if he can;t cope with it and it's making him unhappy then she should stop sending him.

Outrageous she thinks a little boy should be helping her with her child just because she can't deal with it and he's decided he won;t try with anyone else. Absolute madness.

She literally said that. Why not read her actual posts. You have been so far off the mark multiple times now

🤣

Very good!

It’s highly possible they’ve already been in the OP’s shoes!

@OverheardBreakup is Simon her oldest/only DC?

Very likely! Shes been embarrassing opening it up to the wider group, the OP was trying to deal with it one to one.

Good grief! What has she posted?

So just to be really clear. You and your son walk to school together, along a footpath, through a park, a playground and then wait at the breakfast club door. All in, maybe 10 mins. This is pretty much the only one on one time you guys get and he shared with you little snippets from his day.

Then another child (that he doesn’t particularly like) starts waiting with his mum at the start of your walk. You now have to make awkward small talk and your son is talked at by the boy non stop (and is polite in return).

They are waiting for you everyday and even suggest you now need to text the mum if you’re running late to ensure the boys can walk together. And this is how she’d like it to be from now on.

Your son tells you that he isn’t enjoying this new walk in and misses his chats with you as well as not liking the extra time with the boy, who is also now with him breakfast club and all day.

And you’re telling me you would think your son was a bit pathetic and strange to be saying this, tell him he needs to be polite and simply put up with it?

Because honestly I’m a little aghast if that’s the case?