Page 21 | Oblivious School Mum

OverheardBreakup · 2026-02-12T08:28:59+00:00

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful! DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS. That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in. Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us. Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon. So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon. Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply. Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us. She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do. My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning. Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

usedtobeaylis · 12/02/2026 14:25

Tohold · 12/02/2026 14:19

So you have never posted about the ebb and flow of friendships that your dd has had through primary school? @usedtobeaylis

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Yes I probably have. The whole point is that I don't think her experiences bear any relation to a) whether this kid should have to put up with Simon or b) whether his mum should make him put with Simon "in case" they later become friends.

Calliopespa · 12/02/2026 14:26

CaffeinatedMum · 12/02/2026 14:24

This seems like such a mountain out of a molehill. They’re five years old, they’ll probably be best friends in a week. Five year olds are fickle. It is alarming that 1) this is causing both kids so much distress and 2) you and the other mum are coming to blows over it.

Best post on this thread.

Both mums have got in waaay too deep over an issue that will doubtless be short lived.

scottishgirl69 · 12/02/2026 14:26

FairKoala · 12/02/2026 14:15

I know this sounds strange but the HT’s I know (I know a few) never live within walking distance to their place of work

Its some sort of unspoken rule that they don’t want to get involved with parents from the school disturbing them out of school hours at home and also it means their own children go to different schools to their place of work.

The issue ultimately is Simon needs to go to a school where his father isn’t the HT

I suspect that Simon and his mother are throwing their weight around because they know nothing is going to happen to them

I would look into the schools policies and criteria around children of staff members attending the same school as the parent.
There could be a conflict of interest particularly if Simons rough behaviour ever lands him in the HTs office.

As I said friends who are doing this role know the pitfalls and live elsewhere to avoid them

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Oh come on - this is completely ridiculous. My mum was a teacher - at the high school I used to go to. She left when I was at primary school but came back to do supply when I was in third year. She taught classes I was in for a period of time

There are plenty of people who go to schools and have relatives who teach there - particularly if you live in a small town

She wasn't banned from the classroom because her daughter went to the same school

Simon has to leave this school because of a mumsnet post - come on.

Seen it all now - I think people should also bear in mind that we are getting one side of the story here - you can't ask that the OP tries to get a child removed from their school because their kid doesn't want to walk into a club with them

So unfair on that child if that were allowed to happen

usedtobeaylis · 12/02/2026 14:27

latetothefisting · 12/02/2026 14:21

Well yeah, because kids have to learn to get on with others, even if they don't particularly like them. You've now explained it's a slightly longer walk but those of us assuming you just meant a 30 second walk across the playground really don't get the issue.

If you honestly think he should never have to interact with a child he's not that keen on, even for the briefest of interactions, how on earth do you expect him to manage in school or extra curriculars when the teacher gets him to pair up with different kids? He won't always be allowed to go with his best friends.

I dont think anyone thinks that your son should have to be best friends with a child he doesn't like and spend all day with him, or even walk 6 minutes with him in the morning if he doesnt want to, but spending less than a minute (which was our understanding before you clarified) helping a shy/upset child out would be a kind thing to do and is also a good life lesson for your ds.

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Again, what does Simon have to do in this scenario? Why does his mum get to impose on people, and people have no right to object to that?

Hollygoheavenly · 12/02/2026 14:27

FairKoala · 12/02/2026 14:15

I know this sounds strange but the HT’s I know (I know a few) never live within walking distance to their place of work

Its some sort of unspoken rule that they don’t want to get involved with parents from the school disturbing them out of school hours at home and also it means their own children go to different schools to their place of work.

The issue ultimately is Simon needs to go to a school where his father isn’t the HT

I suspect that Simon and his mother are throwing their weight around because they know nothing is going to happen to them

I would look into the schools policies and criteria around children of staff members attending the same school as the parent.
There could be a conflict of interest particularly if Simons rough behaviour ever lands him in the HTs office.

As I said friends who are doing this role know the pitfalls and live elsewhere to avoid them

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Our school’s HT lives on the grounds and both children go to the school too! I believe his partner works in some capacity at the school too.

Tohold · 12/02/2026 14:28

usedtobeaylis · 12/02/2026 14:25

Yes I probably have. The whole point is that I don't think her experiences bear any relation to a) whether this kid should have to put up with Simon or b) whether his mum should make him put with Simon "in case" they later become friends.

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Well that’s one point you were making

the other was that you said you didn’t recognise the primary school changing friendships that others had suggested happens, as your daughter remained with same friendship’s throughout and never was it the case there was a child that she didn’t like at fist but then went on to like

FairKoala · 12/02/2026 14:28

canklesmctacotits · 12/02/2026 14:15

I'm not going to add anything to the #bekind thing, I've been around the block too many times to join that bandwagon. But I'm coming to the end of walking a child to school each morning after many years and it's shocked me how emotional I feel about it. Our walk is 11 minutes, door to door. In those 11 minutes with each child I've had moments where they've shared private stuff, where they've warbled on about nonsense, where they've told me jokes, where they've run off ahead with their friends, where they've dragged their heels because something's been bothering them, where I've been cross with them about something, where I've helped run them through spellings before a morning test, where they've downloaded random football data, where I've carried in birthday treats and where I've carried in musical instruments and art projects. I've done it in winter coats and hats and gloves, I've done it in shorts and short sleeves, in the rain with wellies and umbrellas and when I've been bundled up and they're shivering in shorts saying they're not cold. I've done it when their backpacks were almost the same size as them, and when the backpack became a trendy tote.

Don't let this woman steal this time from you. She needs to find a way to help her son through his problems without taking this away from someone else. It would have been one thing to share it for weeks or months (nothing lasts long in primary) if your son had been up for it. But he's ASKING you for this time together. Those few minutes are so, so precious for both of you. Talking to your child in the car is a thing: you're not looking at each other, you can't see facial impressions, you're stuck in a small and cosy space - it's when children open up. Same goes for walking side by side on a predictable, bite-sized journey.

Stick to your guns. If she insists, send a short "I'm sorry but we can't do this for you, my DS needs this time alone with me for his own reasons. Please let this be the end of it. Good luck."

This 100%

If she does the following you thing again, stop wave them past and don’t move or start walking in the opposite direction

If you see her at the gate to the park could you turn around, walk back to your car and then drive past the school and park down a side street on the opposite side of the school. It might mean walking along the main road but it might break the cycle and she might get the message

usedtobeaylis · 12/02/2026 14:28

Calliopespa · 12/02/2026 14:26

Best post on this thread.

Both mums have got in waaay too deep over an issue that will doubtless be short lived.

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Well no, one mum is refusing to respect a boundary that the other one is trying to put in place at the request of her child as it's also about the child wanting to spend that time with his mum. Only one is actually being unreasonable.

cassandre · 12/02/2026 14:28

I really don't get some of the posts here.

PEOPLE IT'S NOT A TWO-MINUTE WALK, read the thread.

The OP has been extremely polite, but if the other mum is not worried about hurting her feelings, why should she be worried about hurting the other mum's feelings?

The other mum is worried about settling her son on the way into school, but so is the OP!

In general I'm a people pleaser, but honestly the pushy messages from the other mum (not taking no for an answer) would just make me dig my heels in further to protect my own kid.

Incidentally, this isn't the first instance I've come across of headteacher's children being nightmares 😂

By saying no to HT's DS, OP is helping him learn an important lesson. It's win-win for both kids.

Tohold · 12/02/2026 14:28

Hollygoheavenly · 12/02/2026 14:27

Our school’s HT lives on the grounds and both children go to the school too! I believe his partner works in some capacity at the school too.

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Same here

private I’m guessing

Tohold · 12/02/2026 14:30

Calliopespa · 12/02/2026 14:26

Best post on this thread.

Both mums have got in waaay too deep over an issue that will doubtless be short lived.

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yep I agree with you- best post of the thread

surelynot26 · 12/02/2026 14:30

latetothefisting · 12/02/2026 14:21

Well yeah, because kids have to learn to get on with others, even if they don't particularly like them. You've now explained it's a slightly longer walk but those of us assuming you just meant a 30 second walk across the playground really don't get the issue.

If you honestly think he should never have to interact with a child he's not that keen on, even for the briefest of interactions, how on earth do you expect him to manage in school or extra curriculars when the teacher gets him to pair up with different kids? He won't always be allowed to go with his best friends.

I dont think anyone thinks that your son should have to be best friends with a child he doesn't like and spend all day with him, or even walk 6 minutes with him in the morning if he doesnt want to, but spending less than a minute (which was our understanding before you clarified) helping a shy/upset child out would be a kind thing to do and is also a good life lesson for your ds.

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I agree. Quite wrong to force children to pretend to be friends if they don't want to be friends, but not wrong to ask them to put up with a short time with someone they are not keen on, especially in a situation like school where relationships reconfigure all the time.

SpanielLover356 · 12/02/2026 14:31

OP might it be possible to drop DS off at breakfast club and then go on to drop your younger child off at nursery? It may mean driving a bit out of your way, but you only have to do this for a few weeks to break the routine of the other child waiting for you.

UltraAlox5 · 12/02/2026 14:31

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 12:49

Thinking about it I am not sure I would reply at all.

Agree

Isekaied · 12/02/2026 14:33

Shut this down

Mum is being a CF

She knows exactly what ypu meant when you messaged her and is trying to push your boundaries.

Sorry not sorry.

Push back and make it clear you will not be walking with them anymore because it's upsetting your 0wn child.

SpanielLover356 · 12/02/2026 14:35

Quite wrong to force children to pretend to be friends if they don't want to be friends, but not wrong to ask them to put up with a short time with someone they are not keen on, especially in a situation like school where relationships reconfigure all the time.

My mother tried to make me be friends with a friend's daughter, who was a real PIA & generally a wooss - she didn't like to get dirty, I didn't mind that, she didn't like animals, I did, she only wanted to play 'nicely' with Sindy dolls - I didn't have any Sindy dolls preferring to be out & about getting muddy & having fun. So we didn't get on & <apparently> I said to my mother 'just because we're both 7 doesn't mean that we get on - you don't get on with everyone of your age do you?' My mum thought 'fair enough' and stopped her efforts to make us friends.

Edited because not sure how to spell 'wooss' still not sure 😂

FairKoala · 12/02/2026 14:37

scottishgirl69 · 12/02/2026 14:26

Oh come on - this is completely ridiculous. My mum was a teacher - at the high school I used to go to. She left when I was at primary school but came back to do supply when I was in third year. She taught classes I was in for a period of time

There are plenty of people who go to schools and have relatives who teach there - particularly if you live in a small town

She wasn't banned from the classroom because her daughter went to the same school

Simon has to leave this school because of a mumsnet post - come on.

Seen it all now - I think people should also bear in mind that we are getting one side of the story here - you can't ask that the OP tries to get a child removed from their school because their kid doesn't want to walk into a club with them

So unfair on that child if that were allowed to happen

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I wasn’t referring to teachers in general (although Ofsted inspection at school DS was at, one of the recommendations was that teachers should not teach their own children)

I was referring to the Head Teacher role and what the schools policies and criteria’s the school have on this type of situation.

Simon would only have to leave the school if the schools policies have been broken.
I

Thehop · 12/02/2026 14:38

Your son is not an emotional support animal and is entitled to say no.

I agree with you OP

will work give you a week of later starts to break the habit and avoid breakfast club?

FairKoala · 12/02/2026 14:38

Hollygoheavenly · 12/02/2026 14:27

Our school’s HT lives on the grounds and both children go to the school too! I believe his partner works in some capacity at the school too.

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Is this a state school?

scottishgirl69 · 12/02/2026 14:39

FairKoala · 12/02/2026 14:37

I wasn’t referring to teachers in general (although Ofsted inspection at school DS was at, one of the recommendations was that teachers should not teach their own children)

I was referring to the Head Teacher role and what the schools policies and criteria’s the school have on this type of situation.

Simon would only have to leave the school if the schools policies have been broken.
I

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Ofsted don't do school inspections where I live (Scotland) . Surely the HT himself would know if his child was able to attend the school or not - you would think so

InterIgnis · 12/02/2026 14:39

surelynot26 · 12/02/2026 14:06

For 2 minutes a day? How are they going to learn that people cannot always choose the company they keep? Will he refuse to sit next to an irritating colleague in his first job?

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Is it not also important that he learns that there are times, such as this one, when he can indeed choose the company the keeps?

He has already learned to politely interact with Simon in school where it is necessary. It isn’t OP’s son that seems to be struggling with the development of social skills, it’s Simon (and his mother).

TeenToTwenties · 12/02/2026 14:40

OverheardBreakup · 12/02/2026 12:35

Ok so I have a reply to my message. I'm sort of opened mouth.

'Oh bless him! Simon will be so sad, he's been calling them the Morning Besties. Simon's already said he's going to make X a card to say thanks for walking in together. I'm a bit heartbroken for him as he's said he won't go in with anyone else so this leaves me with quite an issue! I'm not sure how I'm going to explain to him that he can't walk in with his buddy anymore without him being devastated. Is there anyway we could meet you midway at the park playground and carry on together from there? Or we could hang back further? I do think it's important for kids to learn to compromise even at this age - such an important life skill! Let me know what works best for you'

(I have tweaked some of it slightly as identifying but this is essentially what she said)

Sorry if I wasn't clear. DS and I both value our 1-1 chat time in the morning and neither of us wants to stop this. Please explain to Simon that we will not be walking across the park with you in the mornings.

(You could add if you are having difficulty getting Simon in on his own, perhaps the school could advise on strategies that might help? )

fennelteatowel · 12/02/2026 14:41

YANBU OP

Ignore the posters who are probably socially awkward themselves.

Simon and his mother sound like a big pain in the butt.

Well done for drawing a line 👏

One thing, with pushy, oblivious personalities it's best to give as little detail as possible. It seems hard at the time of drawing your boundary but the mum and little Simon will soon move onto their next victim.

Of course she is 100% aware she is the head's wife and uses this to her advantage, no one would like to fall out with the head's family. Awkward......

Over time your son will learn he too can say no if he don'ts want to do something.

Sounds like you and your son are lovely!

surelynot26 · 12/02/2026 14:42

InterIgnis · 12/02/2026 14:39

Is it not also important that he learns that there are times, such as this one, when he can indeed choose the company the keeps?

He has already learned to politely interact with Simon in school where it is necessary. It isn’t OP’s son that seems to be struggling with the development of social skills, it’s Simon (and his mother).

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TBH I think it is a lot of fuss about not much and will blow over soon enough if less is made of it.

IdentityCris · 12/02/2026 14:42

OverheardBreakup · 12/02/2026 10:26

This is one of the more bizarre takes on my post! Because MN is potentially being sold, people are engaging with controversial posts....and you consider this controversial? A run of the mill school mum issue?

He isn't driven....At no point have I said he is driven? They live the other side of the park so walk through it to get to school. Headteacher is in at crack of dawn every morning, breakfast club starts at 8am so mum walks him over then (she doesn't work). I'm not sure where the conspiracy is?

And there actually isn't a car park. It's a small infant school off a main road by a park. Teachers park in the residential streets around the park I would imagine.

I'm so sorry that in this one instance a child who's mum doesn't work takes him in rather than the headteacher who is usually there when it opens and that you can't fathom this being the case.

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Having seen this, it strikes me that the mother has an incredibly easy remedy, i.e. to bow out of Breakfast Club and drop her son off for 9 am, or whenever the school starts officially. If he was having difficulty going in before OP's son turned up, and she thinks he is now dependent on him to be able to get into Breakfast Club, basically he just isn't ready for it and for the longer day that this entails.

But there is probably no way of saying this tactfully to the mother, unfortunately.