Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

Really????

think you’ve missed the point of BC

Good response.

then don’t respond after that.

Simons Mum doesnt work

The problem with her reply is that she is pushing it and potentially escalating it.

These boys could well be in the same class for the next 6+ years. There will be school events, birthday parties and school trips to come that the parents will have to interact around. And Simon's mum is making it difficult.

It is also true, OP, that the boys might become the best of friends at some point and you don't want the awkwardness later because of things that have been said now.

It's unfortunate because the only acceptable response from her would have been along the lines of, "Oh no! Fair enough. I'll sort something else. Thanks anyway." And it's always awkward when someone doesn't accept a rejection and tries to push it.

Duplicate post

I had a mum at the gate tell me I needed to stop my son playing with a list of kids because hers wanted him for a best friend.

she took quite some persuading that my son is allowed to have more than one friend. Fucking weir does

I have voted YANBU but if this is a walk across the playground to a breakfast club then just walk with your son and if the other mum tags along, ok. Boys do not have to stay together in the club. Sometimes we have to be polite to people we don't like. It's part of growing up.

So? How does that help OP. Should she go and tell Simon’s mum not to send her kid to breakfast club since she doesn’t work? How is that going to work out, do you think?

The OP works and needs to use breakfast club. It really doesn’t help her that Simon’s mum doesn’t work.

Great reply. I’d re-state what you will be doing at the end to be clear.

‘Sorry, for the reasons I mentioned, that doesn’t work for us. We will continue to walk in alone.’

My take is that Simon is having difficulties making friends and he/his Mum are trying to latch on to one of the more popular kids....X. So arriving at BC together might make Simon seem more cool and might help.
I don't have the answer to your problem as I can totally see your and your DS's POV but I do think you need to stand your ground. Her response was batshit so whilst appreciating who she is clearly you are going to need to be even more direct. Good luck.

It’s beyond belief Simon’s mum cannot explain to him that your DS wants to walk in & chat to his own Mum as it’s a special time for you both.

She's a fucking dickhead.

I’m sorry Simon’s upset, but I’m sure you understand I’ve got to respect X’s wishes and so as I’ve said, I’ll be going back to walking him in just the 2 of us. I hope you can sort things out with Simon. Thanks for your understanding

she sounds batshit. I think that would be my reply. Stay strong!! She is very manipulative

It’s not

OP - just reply using the words ''cease'' and ''desist'' to her- i.e. she must cease contacting you and her child must desist bothering yours. She has a rhinoceros hide - she thinks they are especial because H is head.

Ok I have taken a mix of all the really good replies on here. No apologising, no waffle but still empathetic and understanding so I don’t feel like I’ve been rude.

But I was very firm that tomorrow we’ll go on our own

Or maybe some people have empathy with the OP's upset son?

Well done.

Just because she's a shit parent doesn't mean you need to be.

I don't get it either OP. No little 5 year old kid should be made to spend their time outside school with a child that isn't their friend and worse has played roughly with them and been mean (the ghost game).

I can remember being 'forced' to play with/share my toys/be nice to the children of my mothers friends who were in some cases quite horrible to me and my sibling. I remember really resenting her for it, because it was only for her benefit not mine.

Good on you for setting boundaries with this mum. Stick with it. Honestly her being HT's wife isn't the issue you may be thinking it is. So what if she 'kicked off' with you, she has no real power over you, just ignore. I don't see how she can create an atmosphere at school, it's not like you are there much anyway. If the HT would be incredibly unprofessional if any of this affected how your son was treated at school

This would piss me off so much. So her child has no friends and that’s somehow your issue. Just ignore her, take another route for a week and she will have to find her own solution.

Again - more mental health slurs that are completely unnecessary

How do you know she's a shit parent?

She said she changed identifying details.

She isn't oblivious, she is pushy.

It's two five year old kids. No need for cease and desist texts. As someone else said - they could decide to be best friends in a week or two or next year.