Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

Like the oblivious mother?

OP and her son were kind. Simon and the mum have been overbearing at best. Don't make bullies everyone else's problem to solve.

I would reply ‘Sorry, for the reasons I mentioned, that doesn’t work for us’ and repeat as often as necessary

Tell her to ask the advice of her husband, who is highly trained in understanding the psychology of 5 year olds and finding solutions to behavioural issues. I’m not joking.

I wouldn’t be apologising in any replies.

I'm curious as to why Simon goes to the breakfast club when he has a SAHM.

She’s absolutely correct, it’s important her son learns to compromise.

The post moved on whilst I put the baby down for his nap. I have seen that you contacted the mother and she’s still pushing.
It’s not going to end well with her as she is determined to have her own way.
Gird your loins and give her the merest of acknowledgment in a morning then ignore her and Simon.
You have my sympathy!

No. That's not what is happening.

Did you she doesn’t work? Why is she forcing her kid into breakfast club then? He is taking up a space of someone else who needs it for work reasons.

How is walking next to/behind someone and their mum for 6 minutes bullying?!? This thread is bonkers. You can't stop other pupils/their parents walking behind you in a public place, nor should it be a big deal. It's totally blown out of proportion. You never know what will happen in future and it could the OP's son requiring Simon's help in a few months/years time.

This bitch must be on this thread pushing the same narrative.

I am so sorry! Move schools? Only half joking.

what a manipulative message OP - you must be so frustrated. You are doing the right thing by advocating for your child - he doesn't want to walk with him, he doesn't need to walk with him, and he values your time together. Stick to your guns!

”being kind” doesn’t look like teaching a kid to take unhealthy responsibility for another kid’s feelings and desires and ignore their own feelings and desires.

Recently my daughter was trying to interact with a child in the park and the child kept running away and didn’t want to play. My daughter’s conclusion was “she’s not being kind mummy!” I was able to explain to her that the child may not want to make a new friend today and might want some space and that’s her choice. We can’t curate their lives in such a way that they never experience hurt or rejection or they’ll crumble in adulthood.

I think you now have to be direct about the reason. ‘It’s unfortunate Simon will be sad but I need to respect X’s feelings which he is clear about. I told you it was about our time together, as it is, but also X has said that Simon is rough in the playground and that he doesn’t want to play with him. I had avoided saying this as I don’t want to upset you but I think given you’re being insistent on them going in together, I need to be up front about the issue. Maybe in time they will be friends but we can’t force that. Thanks for your understanding. ‘ Etc.

The mother could learn what it means too!

Jesus the manipulation.

Agreed. No wonder Simon is a pain. Learned behaviour.

Where was it said that Simons mum doesn't work?

Oh I’d jump on that “important to compromise”

”yes it’s important to compromise & DC does so at school, he does not need to compromise his free time. A far more important lesson is to learn what no means & respect others boundaries. Never too young to learn that no means no & that’s it’s ok to have reasonable boundaries”

If a girl in the future rejects Simon’s advances, does she have to just “suck it up & be kind”?

They may only be 5, but he’s got to learn that you can’t bend others to your will & you can’t force someone to be your “bestie” It has to be mutual.

That’s a manipulative reply. You’ve clearly stated a boundary. What you need. I’d politely re-state what you said.

Don’t worry about all the negative replies saying your DS should suck it up. It’s not a good life lesson that we should stay up happy to make others comfortable.

Simon needs to learn the fair lesson that you can’t always have what you want.

The OP said it.

I wouldn't start any message back with a version of "I'm sorry" in it because you don't need to be.

I would be blunt and say I have already explained to you what works best for us. I'm focused on respecting my child's boundaries.

And leave it at that. And to hell with who she is married too.

Just stop going to breakfast Club. Why do they need to go.
Have it at home.

Ever heard of a job? And needing to get your job on time. I’ve seen some stupid comments on mumsnet but come on.

So many suggestions for responding by getting into a dialogue with the other mum. But that's her opportunity to formulate yet another response with further reasoning and suggestions. No.

Wow.

this woman is very manipulative. I wouldn’t want this at all and would be the same as you OP and want to protect my son. That’s the start of his day - if he starts off upset how’s the day going to go?

all it teaches is that you have no say.

stick to your guns OP. Ignore the strange posts on here.

I’d reply and say something like: we don’t want to walk with you as it’s upsetting XXXX. Some compromises are ok but in this instance I’m not compromising my son’s happiness. Thank you for understanding and hope you can find someone else to walk with.