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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Trans- gender dysphoria- mental illness?

206 replies

TheBlueKoala · 11/02/2026 21:06

There are so many young people suffering with MH problems. They are trying to find an identity and nowadays when gender is à la carte it seems epidemic.

Looking at the small percentage of transgender people and high prolific crimes something does tell me that there seems to be a correlation between transgender and mental illness. Which makes me believe that it's really a question of gender dysphoria as in identity dysphoria in general. Ofcourse there are exceptions but I think these recent cases should be taken into consideration. What are we doing to our children telling them that they can choose gender as in a restaurant menu? I think it's harmful and noone below 18 should be allowed to change whatsoever- they can call themselves human- as we all are.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2026/02/11/canada-school-shooting-tumbler-ridge-british-columbia/

https://abcnews.com/US/teen-sentenced-life-prison-2019-school-shooting/story?id=71949051

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.pbs.org/newshour/amp/nation/as-officials-searched-for-charlie-kirks-shooter-suspect-confessed-to-his-partner-prosecutor-says

https://derechadiario.com.ar/us/argentina/transsexual-schizophrenic-far-left-murderer-young-swedish-woman-after-attempting-to-rape-girl

Teen sentenced to life in prison for May 2019 school shooting

A teen who opened fire in a suburban Denver STEM school last year was sentenced to life in prison.

https://abcnews.com/US/teen-sentenced-life-prison-2019-school-shooting/story?id=71949051

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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TheKeatingFive · 12/02/2026 11:50

Scramado · 12/02/2026 11:44

I don’t think anyone can rationalise why the Scottish government are doing what they’re doing. It makes no sense to anyone at all.

The only explanation I can think of is that someone is making it worth their while behind the scenes.

Scramado · 12/02/2026 11:52

TheKeatingFive · 12/02/2026 11:50

The only explanation I can think of is that someone is making it worth their while behind the scenes.

Well there’s that. But what about the LibDems? Did they just get whipped up in all of the excitement and lose their collective minds? I think Christine Grahame has a trans relative, but Alex Cole-Hamilton? Is he just an idiot?

TheKeatingFive · 12/02/2026 11:56

Scramado · 12/02/2026 11:52

Well there’s that. But what about the LibDems? Did they just get whipped up in all of the excitement and lose their collective minds? I think Christine Grahame has a trans relative, but Alex Cole-Hamilton? Is he just an idiot?

Well the Lib Dem's are on record for taking money from one of the pharma companies that makes puberty blockers, so that one is easy.

EasternStandard · 12/02/2026 11:58

Acommonreader · 12/02/2026 11:30

Completely agree. Boys can wear dresses, long hair and make up and change their name to Sophie- all absolutely fine and should be socially acceptable. But they are not a girl.
We need to stop normalising set in stone gender stereotypes. Appearance and Gender can be free , creative and flexible. Sex is not.

Adults are failing dc on this. Yet they push the gender ideology instead. It’s a massive failing and it’s not surprising there are poor outcomes due to it.

A child can’t change sex, they can wear / do what they like free from gender stereotypes, adults that push the opposite are culpable too.

Londonmummy66 · 12/02/2026 11:58

Obviously the cause is psychological, however to call it a mental illness is likening it to someone with perhaps diminished capacity, which doesn’t apply to trans people.

That is a truly appalling thing to say about people with a mental illness. Someone with postnatal depression has a mental illness but that doesn't necessarily mean that they have diminished capacity.

The nuance I think with trans identifying males is that there are broadly 2 different types. The first are often smaller boys who are perhaps looked down on by their peers as "weedy". Sometimes they may therefore eventually identify out into living as women - their slight stature seems to fit in better that way (although they still have masculine markers that means they don't pass). Most of these just want a quiet life and it's a way of opting out of the toxic masculine culture of the post rugby changing room. I know a couple of these - they are quiet, academic, tend to dress like their mothers, aren't looking to anyone else for validation, just acceptance of how they choose to look, and want to get on with their lives. When I've associated with them have, crucially, not used the ladies loos. (I imagine that they use the disabled loos - maybe an argument in itself but I'm not going there.) Then there are the guys who want lots of attention for how they look, with their sense of masculine entitlement are muscling into women's spaces because life owes them whatever they want. This type has really flourished in recent years and that is at the expense of women. It is this type that make the headlines - from inflicting themselves on nurses in NHS changing rooms to demanding access to women in prisons because of their feelz being so hurt they will otherwise commit suicide (coercive control) to cheating in women's sports, to violent protests and online harassment of women who stand up to them.

Scramado · 12/02/2026 12:00

And the former type of trans identifying man is being massively harmed by the latter’s actions.

wombat1a · 12/02/2026 12:03

I heard a quote the other day "when did we start treating this is a physical problem and not a mental one?".

I think that there is an age cutoff for these things, middle age and older tend to treat it as a mental illness, younger people as a physical problem.

Londonmummy66 · 12/02/2026 12:09

lifeturnsonadime · 12/02/2026 10:19

This what gets to me too.

It's abusive.

Do what I say and affirm me or I'll kill myself.

On the relationship board this behaviour is recognised for what it is. When it comes to trans identification we're apparently bigots for pointing it out.

Its also state sponsored in Scotland - it was basically the only argument the barrister for the scottish government had for ignoring the supreme court in FWS last week.

Witchcraftandhokum · 12/02/2026 12:11

Scramado · 12/02/2026 11:40

What do you think society should have done but didn’t to help your nephew live happily?

Just call him by the name he wanted to use. It was that simple. He wasn't having any treatment, wasn't causing a fuss, uniform wasn't an issue because it the school had a gender-neutral uniform. He just wanted to be called a different name and pronouns.

The Head Teacher refused and said he was mentally ill. He wasn't, he had been seen by the GP and other professionals who said he was fine.

Verv · 12/02/2026 12:11

W0rnout · 12/02/2026 07:22

One wonders if some posters ever stop to consider that the bile, vitriol , hate speech and lack of understanding that the transgender community face on threads such as this escalate MH difficulties and tragedy.

"Now look what you've made me do."

Verv · 12/02/2026 12:13

Witchcraftandhokum · 12/02/2026 12:11

Just call him by the name he wanted to use. It was that simple. He wasn't having any treatment, wasn't causing a fuss, uniform wasn't an issue because it the school had a gender-neutral uniform. He just wanted to be called a different name and pronouns.

The Head Teacher refused and said he was mentally ill. He wasn't, he had been seen by the GP and other professionals who said he was fine.

They would, it's a requirement of gender affirming care.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 12/02/2026 12:15

Verv · 12/02/2026 12:11

"Now look what you've made me do."

Quite.

thoseboxessmellbob · 12/02/2026 12:19

Witchcraftandhokum · 11/02/2026 21:37

My nephew's school denied him a name change. He hanged himself. It's not that simple.

I'm really sorry about your nephew. He should have received proper mental health support. My firm view having read the Welsh Schools Survey results is that any child announcing a trans identity should be red flagged as being of concern regarding mental health and safeguarding.

Hoardasurass · 12/02/2026 12:22

Witchcraftandhokum · 12/02/2026 12:11

Just call him by the name he wanted to use. It was that simple. He wasn't having any treatment, wasn't causing a fuss, uniform wasn't an issue because it the school had a gender-neutral uniform. He just wanted to be called a different name and pronouns.

The Head Teacher refused and said he was mentally ill. He wasn't, he had been seen by the GP and other professionals who said he was fine.

But that would involve compelled speach and affirmation of a lie.
Nobody can expect to compelle other people's language and thoughts.
Claiming that refusing to have your speach compelled by him caused his suicide is both untrue and abusive.
Clearly the gp was wrong and failed him because if he was mentally healthy he wouldn't have killed himself.
I'm sorry that he was failed by his Dr's and those who should have seen his distress but didnt, he died because he was mentally ill not because someone wouldn't let him compelle their speach

TheKeatingFive · 12/02/2026 12:22

Witchcraftandhokum · 12/02/2026 12:11

Just call him by the name he wanted to use. It was that simple. He wasn't having any treatment, wasn't causing a fuss, uniform wasn't an issue because it the school had a gender-neutral uniform. He just wanted to be called a different name and pronouns.

The Head Teacher refused and said he was mentally ill. He wasn't, he had been seen by the GP and other professionals who said he was fine.

But we don't do that for everyone. What if I wanted everyone to call me 'most high empress of the universe' and bow when they see me? I'd be laughed out of town.

We can accommodate demands is they are reasonable. Men wanting to change their names/wear what they want (within dress codes) - that is reasonable.

Upending people's pronoun usage to accommodate a delusion that humans can change sex - not so much.

If people are driven to suicide by others correctly sexing them, they have some serious mental health issues and need drastic psychiatric intervention.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 12/02/2026 12:29

FlirtsWithRhinos · 12/02/2026 11:32

On the OP's original point, I'd say we have a Venn diagram of two overlapping circles.

One is people whose pre-existing mental health issues find an expression through trans gender identies because that is a dominant narrative in the current cultural climate.

The other is people with disordered ideas about sex, gender and possibly also sexuality that they project onto others then see reflected back as real. Within that group we have the sexual fetishists whose perception of "women" has become entirely sexualised, and the people with deeply internalised false narratives about men and women that lead them to genuinely believe their personality is incompatible with their sex. What links them is their identity relies on a projection of their own ideas about the opposite sex.

Of course the two circles overlap very much and the overlap increases as the trans identity deepens. The disordered sexist's mental health sufers as they become increasingly isolated through their need to impose control over others and their distress at being challenged and rejected causing them to reteat into embattled communities of like minded people which increases the isolation and paranoia, while the mentally distressed person cannot express their identity unless they create/accept mental differences between the sexes to give them something to identify into, which then become fundamental to their ideas about men and women.

Yes, great post.

crascenda · 12/02/2026 12:35

In adolescents it's psychological and often ND. In older men it's a fetish that they use for often nefarious reasons. Some of the older men are mentally ill, probably from adolescence and due to ND, but the majority are just pure mysoginistic controllers.

It's a subject that quite frankly brings me out in a rash because I don't believe transgenderism is anything other than A. mental illness and/or ND related, and B. a fetish and control mechanism.

Londonmummy66 · 12/02/2026 12:38

Basquervill · 12/02/2026 11:26

I don’t truly understand how cultural appropriation is discredited but gender appropriation is given a free pass. When men say they feel that they are women…. Well.. hold on… they are assuming they know what women feel like.. which is an inherently patriarchal position… the gaping holes in this are enormous. They simply can’t know what feeling like a woman is! They are in a fiction.

Excellent point - I hadn't quite thought about it in those terms before - although I've been labelling drag "womanface" for quite some time.

Scramado · 12/02/2026 12:44

Londonmummy66 · 12/02/2026 12:38

Excellent point - I hadn't quite thought about it in those terms before - although I've been labelling drag "womanface" for quite some time.

Agree. Drag is cultural appropriation too.

EasternStandard · 12/02/2026 12:44

Witchcraftandhokum · 12/02/2026 12:11

Just call him by the name he wanted to use. It was that simple. He wasn't having any treatment, wasn't causing a fuss, uniform wasn't an issue because it the school had a gender-neutral uniform. He just wanted to be called a different name and pronouns.

The Head Teacher refused and said he was mentally ill. He wasn't, he had been seen by the GP and other professionals who said he was fine.

No one can make others use compelled speech. It’s not right to enforce other children on this.

Helleofabore · 12/02/2026 12:58

No person should have the expectation that another person will use the language that they want others to use when that language is not based on material reality. Trying to coerce others to do so is the opposite of kind and tolerant.

If a person’s mental health requires another person to act as if they’re personal subjective reality is materially real, rather than based on philosophical belief that they can be the opposite or no sex, that is not good mental health.

Name? ok. But any other language change, when it is not based on material reality ? No. There should be no expectation.

Didn’t Philipson say in a meeting this week that no teachers are forced to use preferred pronouns? Maybe it would be a good idea if support groups stopped telling people that it is a sign of kindness and tolerance that other people use this language as demanded.

TheKeatingFive · 12/02/2026 12:59

Forcing compelled speech, even with all the weight of the law and enforcement behind it, is never going to work.

There will always be someone who is distracted and forgets, or a child that slips up, someone with neuro processing issues that just can't do it, people who just blurt out what they see and can't help it, those who are refusing out of principle or stubbornness.

Making one's mental health dependent on all these people twisting the truth to affirm you is a recipe for disaster.

SwirlyGates · 12/02/2026 13:10

Snootsnoot · 11/02/2026 21:19

I think there is a correlation between antisocial disorders and men transitioning to be women. I haven't seen any women transitioning to men being violent or aggressive though, so I don't think you can call it a blanket ban. I suspect the reasons for transition for men are more sexuality based, where for women they tend to have suffered physical abuse from a male, from what I can understand, and no longer want female parts that men might attack them for.

Here, for starters. Girl wanting to be a boy, planned a school shooting.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyj2g5l1g2o
The article says "he" but this is a girl.

Oh look, here's another one.
https://nashvillebanner.com/2025/04/02/covenant-school-shooting-report/

A mugshot of Felix Winter, who has dark hair and appears to be wearing a camouflage jacket with the hood down

Teenager jailed for plotting mass shooting at Edinburgh school

A court heard Felix Winter, 18, idolised the killers behind the 1999 Columbine High School massacre in the US.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyj2g5l1g2o

Helleofabore · 12/02/2026 13:17

The general public are not therapeutic resources for people to access and make demands of.

Scramado · 12/02/2026 13:25

I also think it’s unfair to tell gender questioning kids that the public will affirm them. They won’t. That’s how we got ourselves into such a mess over this. Just as Helen Joyce said, once a parent tells their child that they can change sex and everyone will accept the child in their new sex, that parent had committed to the promise and will therefore fight to the end, past anyone questioning their crazy logic to back up their promise to their child.

If they had just said change your name if you want to but you can’t expect people to play along because changing sex is impossible we’d all be in a much more gentle world.