To be really dreading half term

[icecreaminspain]

I know I’m going to get a load of YABU, I cherished every moment with mine type replies but I am.

I just really don’t enjoy parenting my two together and so holidays obviously force this situation, Christmas nearly killed me. I don’t need anyone telling me I’m horrible - jus interested if I’m alone in this!

Oh sod off and that is being polite.

Not necessarily counselling though that may also help, but it could be a restructuring of your domestic life (change in working hours and childcare for you both, or some paid hours from a cleaner, unpaid help from a relative). You may need antidepressants. Or you may have a different underlying medical condition (eg thyroid, anaemia) that needs to be treated.

All I can say is your responses on this thread sound closed down, trapped, sad and more than a bit angry. I am just a random on the Internet and ultimately you've been rude and dismissive to nearly everyone who has tried to help you so I will walk walk away from this thread now. But I have kept writing back until now because this doesn't sound like ordinary tiredness and fedupness of motherhood. To me there is something underlying that needs to be addressed and I think you should talk this over with both medical professionals and people who love you. You sound very alone at the moment.

Might be the weather that isn't helping either?

My DS is 26 now ...
when his first Feb half term came along he was 5yo in Reception.

Took him to see the SpongeBob film, there were four of us in the cinema
He wanted to sit in the front row (no I;ll get a crick in my neck) we sat 3rd row .
Bought him sweets .
I fell asleep , woke up he was gone !!
Saw a little blonde head in the front row , he'd buggered off to sit where he wanted .
I lost 10 years instantly .

He still thinks it's funny ( the toad )

Good to go in with low expectations I say, it might be better than you think.

Just feed them, sit on the floor and play whatever they’re playing, watch television, put music on and dance around with them, play keepy-uppy with balloons and generally just be with them with no expectations to achieve anything but enjoying each others company. Give them both your full attention - simply chatting whilst playing or watching tv - and relax around them. Before you know it, it’ll be bath time, story time and bed time.

I'm sure this is meant helpfully, but 'before you know it, it'll be bath time, story time and bed time' made me laugh. Nothing could be further from how I remember the toddler days. The days were LONG. I would frequently spend time exactly as you've suggested and think 'ah, surely that's really used up some time' and look at the clock and find it was 8.52am. One of the greatest joys of my children getting older is that we can now just 'hang out' but I would challenge absolutely anyone to spend more than about an hour (I think you'd be doing well at 20 minutes, to be honest) 'just chatting' with a two year old.

NRTFT but next week looks to be as cold, wet and miserable as it has been for the last eleventy seven weeks.
Add in bored kids with too much energy fizzing I get your dread. I never thought I’d say that about kids being at home.
If ever there was a week to go somewhere warmer and drier, all inc with kids entertainment it’s February half term.
Most people are skint unfortunately.
Any chance of reciprocal play dates so you only have one dc plus a friend for two of the days?
The rest of the week depends on location, finances and transport.

When mine were that age I always used to think I'd be fine if the day ended at 3pm and we could all go to bed at 4pm. There's fun to be had but the days could feel so long.

I don’t think I’ve been particularly snappy but ‘get help’ isn’t really the most supportive response, is it? Anyway, I was up most of the previous night! It will be fine … <wibbles>

If you look back at what I said, it was not a vague "get help" I said talk it over with your husband or if he's no use a family member or friend. I also said consult a medical practitioner in case you need treatment for an underlying depression or health condition.

Yes your children will grow up and it will to some extent get better on its own but I think there are things to be done to make things better now.

Well, I don’t really see what there is to be gained by bickering over it, to be honest. I’m talking things over on here, it helps. Many things are far better under the cloak of relative anonymity!

Well, obviously being childfree I acknowledge that I don't have the level of understanding of this that people with children do. And I wasn't accusing you of not spending time with them (also I understand the distinction you're making re parenting them together being harder, and that it wasn't possible to gauge this before having a second), but what is standing out for me is the strongly negative terms you're using to describe parenting them both together. You've used terms like 'highly stressful', 'hard, hard work', 'overwhelming', Christmas 'nearly killed' you, 'hate' parenting them together, and you sound very resentful of the noise and mess. I just wonder if your DC could be picking up on this?

You also sound like you're keeping score re career sacrifices, having to parent when you're on holiday etc. Although I do feel it's really unfair men don't have to make the same sacrifices, presumably having kids was a choice you made freely having discussed the role split with your DH, but I'm wondering if you are now feeling some resentment around this?

I know I sound unsympathetic and I don't actually mean to - I totally acknowledge that as a non-parent I can't fully understand, and I would have felt exactly the same way had I had kids tbh. It just gets to me a bit when people complain about spending downtime with their children, partly because I know quite a few people who can't have any, and partly because my own mum seemed to find parenting me a massive drag and didn't really trouble to hide it a lot of the time. Kids do pick up on these things.

It just gets to me a bit when people complain about spending downtime with their children

No, absolutely not. I love spending downtime with them. Apart!

But complaining about spending downtime with them together is still complaining about spending time with them.

Well, I am very sorry. I will ensure I only communicate slavish joy in future so as not to cause offence.

Can you see how silly and pointless that is?

If I'd said or even implied that, yes it would be. But if all you wanted was an echo chamber for people to agree with you that entertaining two children at the same time is hell on earth, you should have said so at the beginning of the thread. You don't sound at all open to different perspectives.

But your different perspective is literally ‘you shouldn’t say that’ which isn’t really very fair.

I find them being off for a week much more relaxing and enjoyable than the juggle of different drop offs, pick up times and various activities during term time. It’s on your terms so it can be so much nicer.

It depends, I think. I’ve only got the one drop off / pick up. I don’t find it massively stressful- but that’s probably because the alternative is much more exhausting!

Luckily just 3 days where I live one is in service and other 2 days half term, it’s our last day of half term today. It’s bloody awful though, been windy, freezing and peeing down with rain! Also don’t get paid till next week

Where did I say that?

Honestly I don’t really know what you’re trying to say and I’m not sure you know either!

The weather is shocking!

Adoption maybe?

Hoping this is an attempt at a joke; poor taste though.