To be really dreading half term

[icecreaminspain]

I know I’m going to get a load of YABU, I cherished every moment with mine type replies but I am.

I just really don’t enjoy parenting my two together and so holidays obviously force this situation, Christmas nearly killed me. I don’t need anyone telling me I’m horrible - jus interested if I’m alone in this!

It’s the time of year. It’s cold and miserable and u basically need to spend money to entertain them. Christmas holidays are awful for me too and DH has to work a lot over it, he’s not allowed to take it off.

I’m in Scotland, we only get 3 days off in February but there is talk of holidays being reduced in summer and a full week in February as well as 2 weeks in October rather than 1. I would absolutely hate that.

Still no mention of a partner? Do you have any one at all to share the children with? If no partner do you have any family support?

DH won’t be around as he’s working as normal, no family, no.

Thanks all. Just in a venting mood. I wish I was one of those mums who longed for the holidays and saw it as a break but it’s really anything but!

This. You as the parent are the one responsible for their relationship. You can't just hope it will get better and wanting them to be apart all the time certainly won't help. You need to actively show them how to entertain each other, how to care for each other, how to resolve conflict and then it'll make all of your lives much easier. The kids will know if you're counting down the hours until they're back at school. You've got two of them now so you're going to have to work on their relationship.

Sorry if that's too blunt but you seem to favour a direct tone by your replies so trying to be helpful

I read that with a finger wagging at me 😂

They have a pretty good relationship despite my awful parenting (said with a heavy dose of irony.)

It’s essential for schools. The chikdren need down time

Good to know you're open to ideas 😂

I hope the children manage to develop their own good relationship.

They have, thanks.

The children need the break.

What leaps out to me is your concern about mess. I struggle to understand this as I’m not massively house proud but can’t you chill about it and just have predetermined ‘sort it out’ points? I’d just go for one - before bed, but you could have others and jus5 ignore it 8n between. Chill out a bit. Relax into it.

Me too, especially the way some on MN grumble about the school holidays like they're the ninth circle of hell. I wouldn't have enjoyed it either, but that's why I didn't have children. Why have kids if you don't want to spend time with them?

Oh god I have a 3 yo and a 5.5 yo and I am dreading it so you are not alone OP! The rest of the holidays are fine - we go away with in-laws every Easter (the other holiday when weather is often crap) and the rest of the holidays we just live outdoors. Feb half term can get in the bin though!

So honestly this is probably the sort of thing I’d have trotted out before I had them. And it’s not even true.

I do spend time with them; huge amounts of time with them. I have set aside any ambitions of my own, worked part time, then very part time, to spend time with them. I have taken the maximum time I could on maternity leave to spend time with them. I have spent money in order that the time with them is enjoyable for them (hint, a trampoline park probably wouldn’t be my first choice!) and my life revolves around them (bear in mind one is two before MN rally to tell me she should be down the mines.)

But, and here is the rub, it isn’t ’spending time with them’ that’s the problem; it’s spending time with them together. I find it very overwhelming and stressful in a way that I just don’t when it’s one on one; that’s actually enjoyable and the contrast makes me quite sad because I don’t get many opportunities to spend one on one time with my eldest especially.

They get on; genuinely not sure why people have extrapolated they don’t. Of course there are quarrels and conflicts but nothing I wouldn’t expect. But I am spread very thin and I did not know how much having two at the same time would challenge me.

It is getting easier and I’m hopeful it will continue to do so. I thought I’d hit a turning point last summer but then Christmas nearly killed me so now I’m back to dreading the holidays.

I probably could. If it wasn’t me who had to clean and tidy it 😬

But it’s the same stuff whenever you do it and it doesn't have to be just you anyway. Kids can help. You have y said if you are a single parent I don’t think? If not their father can help. Or do it all.

Apart from the fact they don't entertain each other and you can't/ don't enjoy managing them together? I think this is the sort of parenting adults who don't speak to their siblings had - where it was a constant divide and conquer vibe rather than all together as a team. That's fine if you think that's what's best for your family long term.

Have you posted this exact same thing before? I feel like I've read it on here and the OP was giving very similar responses.

they don’t entertain one another

Yes and no, they have started to play together more but it can be interspersed with conflict so it’s not exactly peaceful or easier for me.

you can’t/ don't enjoy managing them together

I’ve put a strike through the ‘can’t’ because it’s surely obvious I do; for two years before ds started school, the entire summer, the whole of Christmas? It’s true I don’t enjoy it. I much prefer spending time with them individually.

think this is the sort of parenting adults who don't speak to their siblings had - where it was a constant divide and conquer vibe rather than all together as a team

And I think there are a thousand variables. If you speak to a thousand adults who don’t speak to their sibling(s) there are probably a thousand different stories. We just can’t know. What I’m mystified at is why you keep insisting there’s a divide and conquer.

Have you posted this exact same thing before? I feel like I've read it on here and the OP was giving very similar responses

Probably.

Oh come on, that’s a total stretch. I get on fine with my 2 brothers now and we fought like cats and dogs when we were younger. Drove my parents to absolute despair. I definitely find parenting my two under 6 easier on their own because they also squabble a lot! I’m sure there will be people along to say that it must be something DH and I did wrong that they don’t play nicely together, but I’m pretty sure it’s just personality driven that they don’t spend hours entertaining each other 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mine do get on quite well but it’s more totally normal child stuff I get overwhelmed by. One is asking endless ‘mummy … mummy … mummy’ one is crying because she can’t put her doll in the pram, or something. On its own it’s something and nothing; together it does stress me out.

I did have one of the worst nights I’ve had since newborn days with them both last night too which isn’t helping!

And - how can anyone claim I’m dividing and conquering them when I’ve said in this very thread over half term we will

go to the theatre
go on a national trust trail
go to a trampoline park

i have said DH isn’t around this holiday so who am I dividing them too?

Okay, I hope it goes better than you're anticipating and you get a bit of a break in the evenings if DH is around after bedtime at all.

If part of it is the moaning/ noise of them together have you tried loops? Sometimes I find them handy to block some of the most annoying noises out.

To me it sounds like you are doing very well but are also pretty miserable and so something has to change for your own sanity.

You say your DH has to work during half term. Given it sounds like you did the Christmas holiday too it's pretty unfair if you've got no help at all. What can he do to change the situation for next holiday?

Is your DH actually present in the house working shifts/office hours or is he deployed/working away? If he is here in the evenings, he must do something to help you and something substantial. You need to have a decent amount of quiet time guaranteed every day (this will help you cope with the noise). You also need him to step up and help with the mess in whatever way works for you. If it means you go out as soon as he is home then so be it. It's perfectly reasonable for an adult to do a day at work, come home, feed kids, put kids to bed and clear up while the at home parent goes for a swim or visits a friend or whatever. Can he do this?

Could you put them in a holiday club or with a childminder?

I do keep wondering about loops, I may just bite the bullet. I really hate things in my ears, though!

Well, childminders aren’t really up for taking children ad hoc. It’s also expensive. I could put the older one in holiday club but (and hopefully this addresses the ‘poor kids, why have them if you don’t want to spend time with them’ posters) it seems a bit mean when he is in school Monday to Friday anyway and I am with his sister for three of those days.