To be really dreading half term

[icecreaminspain]

I know I’m going to get a load of YABU, I cherished every moment with mine type replies but I am.

I just really don’t enjoy parenting my two together and so holidays obviously force this situation, Christmas nearly killed me. I don’t need anyone telling me I’m horrible - jus interested if I’m alone in this!

Why is it harder when you have them together? I find my three easier when we're all together as they entertain each other (ages 7,4&1)

Maybe we could help brainstorm ideas so it's not as hard when they're together? Sounds like you have the activities sorted it's just the relationship that's hard?

I think I explain. The noise, rhe mess. The mess, the noise. The endless interruptions, one needs the toilet and the other is most pissed off to be taken off the play area and refuses to come and the other wails; one wants to go and the other wants to stay; one wants that and the other wants this.

I hate it. If you love it that’s great; we all like different things. Mine don’t entertain one another so much as annoy or goad the other.

@BaldingMum i am genuinely sorry for your troubles there but it’s apples and oranges; ie a completely different set of very real problems. The fact my week with my two won’t be enjoyable in the slightest and will be highly stressful isn’t actually made any easier by the fact that your childcare problems are so pressing. I’m genuinely sorry for them but they aren’t going to be solved by my misery.

I have to admit it isn’t the time of year or anything like that. The one I really dread / am dreading is summer because that is the longest, closely followed by Christmas and Easter. It is just a week and I try to tell myself that but it’s really ten days and that’s a long time with no break or downtime.

Could you get a few art supplies like card and stampers, and get the DC to make birthday cards for family. Then when there is a family birthday send the card they made.

Pick a couple of recipes and do baking another day.

Go to the library to choose books. Some libraries will have stories being read by someone. Find out if your Library has anything going on.

Go for a walk at least 3 days. My DC used to count how many dogs they saw. Look at weather forecast and plan so bake on wettest looking day etc.

Some TV time. Some colouring time. Some playing a game time. Mine used to like snakes and ladders.

Make some popcorn in microwave. Watch a children's movie together.

Visit a friend or family/play date.

Build a Lego model together.

Buy some pastry and let them make jam tarts.

Make a jigsaw puzzle together.

Just accept when kids are on half-term you won't get many jobs done around house.

@caringcarer I don’t really need advice on things to do - that sounds so much more abrupt than intended and honestly is not meant how it comes across. I just mean I’m not really posting for suggestions on activities or ideas. I’m actually pretty good at finding things to do. (Neither would make a birthday card though 😂)

It’s just very stressful managing both. I realised way too late I don’t enjoy two children - which is a shame as individually I like spending time with them, very much. Obviously it is done now: besides most perversely I couldn’t give one ‘back’ even if I wanted to as I love them so as individuals but I recognise I don’t enjoy them together. And holidays force that upon me.

I am hopeful it may change but I do genuinely think I have a bit of PTSD from the couple of years I had them both with me before dc1 started school. That sounds flippant but honestly it was one of the darkest times of my life and holidays take me back there.

At the risk of sounding sooo irritating ( even more irritating than whoever suggested going skiing!) one of the things I did that made a difference when mine were little was working very hard at building their relationship. Everything’s easier when they are their own little gang. There’s a book called How Not To Be A Perfect Family, by Libby Purves that talks about this. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

We will get there I’m sure. Objectively it is easier than it was but I just have this real stress about it and am tense and anxious when with them both.

They get on fairly well but they are siblings and they are very young so I will
regularly hear a screech of indignation from the younger one, a roar of outrage from the older one because DD ruined my stuff, they will bicker over what to watch on the TV and it is perfectly normal sibling stuff. It also stresses me the fuck out 😂

Good food and snacks is my focus. Do a food shop at the beginning of the holidays, with a few small treats for yourself and plan a couple of nicer ‘adult’ lunches that you can make quickly That way even if I feel stuck in the house it’s a little more bareable. And I’m not eating the kids leftovers. Take some packed lunches, a hot drink or use the NT cafes, to break up the monotony of constant meals. I'm call them ‘car picnics’. Put on some tunes in the car to extend the time out of the house. Make use of the local country parks as well for the play areas and I know it’s often difficult but go out at 15:00 or 16:00 to a park so that the evening doesn’t feel so long.

I rarely booked the whole week off work for this reason. One day AL to do something, otherwise they went to holiday club.

God some of the replies on here. So bloody smug. Op says she’s skint and one poster suggested she take the kids skiing ( in half term). What planet are you on!

My kids club is £50 + a session and only on a couple of days. It also ends at 15:00, so some annual leave still needed. It also doesn’t help if your kids aren’t school age or SEN. Provision is pretty poor in my area. It’s a little sad though that you don’t want to spend time with your kids, but I do get it, I like the normal term time routine and this weather is miserable.

No judgement here. I hate every holiday with kids at the moment.

No holiday between beginning of January term and Easter is too long.

activities and local events are expensive and boring
And a waste of money when the kids just argue and whinge the entire time.

Mine are old enough for holiday club but I feel too guilty to use it. They already do wraparound and are shattered. They need lie ins and unstructured time but my God the toll on me….

Following mainly for tips on free activities that I won’t feel burning resentment if they ruin.

If OP has a preschooler like mine then it would be awful.

Maybe this could become a Feb half term support thread 😆

So it sounds like you don't like noise or mess, which isn't really a match for young children.
How noisy are they? If they are being way too loud why aren't you telling them to be quieter, or is it normal level and you can't tolerate it? Can you use loop earplugs if this is the case.

Also the mess. Limit what they have. Don't let them have something else out til one thing has been put away.

Do you have a partner? I feel a bit concerned you are left dealing with this and struggling and that maybe they even pressured you into having a second child.

In between ‘take them skiing’ and ‘tell them to be quieter!’

Is there anything that would limit mess? I used to do toy rotation with mine where I'd get different things out and put things away that they seemed to have lost interest in.

I feel for you though. After observing all my peers I've concluded that whatever the age gap when the younger one is a two year old it's really tricky. This is also the hardest of the school holidays as the weather is usually crap.

Yes, I know about toy rotation thanks. It’s just the nature of children and I do understand that, but no1 child in particular could cause a cyclone in an empty room. It is all fairly normal, standard stuff, just a lot.

You’ve posted quite a few times about not enjoying your children together haven’t you? I remember your posts.
Honestly if it’s causing you so much stress and misery every weekend/school holiday then you need to look at some longer term solutions. Swap your younger one’s pre school to private nursery so you can keep them in over holidays, alternated with holiday club for the older one? Pay a local childcare student to take one of them out?

I used to enjoy getting their toys out

channel your inner child - train track with level crossing buses and passengers kept me occupied for hours

She is at private nursery but only attends two days a week. She can’t go on one of those days during half term due to reasons I won’t go into on here - I don’t really like it when people bring up previous posts, it is not done in malice I know but does mae you realise you’re not as anonymous as you want to be. It’s just a vent.

Apologies, I will bow out.

Morning swimming to tire them out and hopefully stop them arguing for a while in the afternoon. Cheap cinema mornings- think you can get kids movies for £2.50 each- take own snacks. Museums, again take a packed lunch. Bike rides- even if it’s raining etc. it is hard, I always used to try and holiday feb half term however my child is a teen and just loves the week doing barely nothing, I sympathise OP

It use to stress me out, but now I've learnt not to put any pressure on it and I enjoy it!
I look forward to spending time with my smaller ones and miss them when they go back.

I have 3 grown up children, so when they were younger I use to dread the holidays, I had expectations that was completely unachievable if I'm being honest... And the pressure I put on myself to make sure we had the most enjoyable half terms etc made me miserable.

Now, like I said after it took me some time to just go with the flow so to speak, we have the best time!