To be really dreading half term

[icecreaminspain]

I know I’m going to get a load of YABU, I cherished every moment with mine type replies but I am.

I just really don’t enjoy parenting my two together and so holidays obviously force this situation, Christmas nearly killed me. I don’t need anyone telling me I’m horrible - jus interested if I’m alone in this!

And he’s not around in the evenings @deplorabelle . Long commute; like now for instance he’s still not home which is unusually late, it’s usually around seven, but still.

Will your husband have them alone next holidays? How do you share the childcare?

Has he booked the Easter holidays off work yet then? You can't keep doing this it's bad for all of you to be this miserable with no way out.

No, I’m off in school holidays so the pleasure is all mine <sigh>

When they are both in school I will break it up with little bits of time in clubs. A sports club near us does morning sessions as well as full day and so it will give me a chance to spend time with them individually. Not every day of course. But at the moment it would be just sending ds (my older child) to clubs while I get more time with his sister and I already get a lot of one to one time with her as I’m off three days in the week while he’s at school.

I don’t think I am ‘this miserable.’ I’m looking at the upcoming week with a certain amount of tension and also resignation of it being exhausting and stressful. It’s my holiday too, and rather than looking forward to it, I'm not.

Feb half term is the worst. All the other holidays either have ok weather or some kind of event (Halloween, Easter etc) with themed activities to do.

That said, I don't dread it but DH and I both work flexibly and we only have one child so it's not too bad

I did this once. DH (who never notices, cares or comments on mess) said 'oof we really need a tidy up today'. I was highly unimpressed let me tell you, though I calmly explained I was trying to be relaxed about it on purpose

And what happened then?

Does your partner never take half term or school holidays off to be with you? I would be asking him to take his leave during school holidays so that either you can get a break, or to divide them up.
This is where having the school holidays yourself off definitely backfires!

He tidied

There you go. Sorted.

You may not have meant it that way but this exchange sounds like you’re telling off a naughty teenager.

I would bet £30 that it's been quite a while since you had a two year old and you've forgotten what it's like. Or you have a very biddable one.

My children are now 8 and 5 and we have lots of days like you describe. When they were 5 and 2 we didn't, because it would have been awful.

It really does get better, OP.

Thanks. It might be possible one day. But no two year old is going to have a day of watching films and it wouldn’t be good for them anyway!

How on earth have you come to that conclusion? There’s no ‘telling off’ there at all.
I’ve just agreed that if you relax a bit you can share the load

Absolutely, not everyone had available/helpful husbands though and forcing yourself to relax about it, even for a set period of time, can be difficult. But I do think it's worth it to get through the school holidays

I am a single parent, though of only one child.

Oh. Sure 🙄

Ok? Not sure why that reply is to me. You still have it within your power to worry about house work during a week school holiday

Because you just said not everyone has a husband to help. I was agreeing, because I didn’t.

Hi OP, you’ve had some snippy comments but I completely get what you’re saying. I’m feeling similarly. I do feel guilty for feeling that way, but it’s completely overwhelming managing competing needs and stages. I’d made plans for us to go away which have now fallen through, so I’m left scrabbling for how to entertain a nearly 1 and nearly 3 year old in miserable weather! I love them so much but the logistics feel unmanageable… Hope it turns out better than we both fear.

I used to take mine to Butlins every year for Feb half term, having a break to look forward to really gets you over the last bit of winter, weather doesn’t impact too much although we have had years we could sit on the beach or park for hours, can do as much ot little as you like, feels very safe for kids so relaxing for parents. No cars no dogs on site.
Mine are too old for that now but I’ve still booked the week off because I need the break at this time of year, although I’m having one of the bedrooms fully renovated so won’t be too relaxing.
It does get easier op.

You've said Christmas "nearly killed" you and also that you might have PTSD from earlier parenting experiences. If that's true (and it easily could be, or PND as your younger one is under three aren't they?) you need some proper help. It's important for all of your well-being that your husband steps up better than coming home at 7pm and every holiday is up to you. He has to be allowed annual leave on his job by law. He needs to use this and any parental leave entitlement to support you way more than is happening at the moment. If he's a decent man please talk to him about how you are feeling. If he's not please talk to a friend or relative.

If I was in your position (and I most likely was but it’s so long ago now I can’t actually remember the stress I was under) I would be thinking, okay, this isn’t working, I need to strip this right back to basics and start again.

So I would be cancelling all plans for the half term to remove all added ‘extra’ stress to a situation I just don’t like being in. I would just focus on trying to get myself to the position of liking being around them both at the same time whilst indoors. Just feed them, sit on the floor and play whatever they’re playing, watch television, put music on and dance around with them, play keepy-uppy with balloons and generally just be with them with no expectations to achieve anything but enjoying each others company. Give them both your full attention - simply chatting whilst playing or watching tv - and relax around them. Before you know it, it’ll be bath time, story time and bed time. Hopefully by the end of the week you might feel happier being with both at the same time.

Good luck!

@deplorabelle maybe I did have some lingering PND.

Or maybe doing fourteen hour shifts with two children under five is just really hard and exhausting and for some people not very rewarding.

I don’t know what ‘proper help’ looks like but I’m guessing you mean counselling. Which costs a lot in money and requires free time, nether of which I have.