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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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14
Ereshkigalangcleg · 11/02/2026 09:41

DotAndCarryOne2 · 11/02/2026 09:37

The immediate aftermath of a tragedy like this is not the time or place for such a discussion.

I’m sorry, it’s not going to happen, despite your wish for awkward conversations to be avoided. Some of these men are highly dangerous. You can say what you like, it’s the people who play along with this fucking nonsense who are to blame for these men’s poor mental health. Reflect on that.

likelysuspect · 11/02/2026 09:44

DotAndCarryOne2 · 11/02/2026 09:37

The immediate aftermath of a tragedy like this is not the time or place for such a discussion.

Of course it is, if this young man some years ago had received therapy to help him understand his identity, his place in the world, his own self and be happy with that, these children would be alive

But apparently we're not allowed to therap people out of this. Its banned, here and in many countries.

Those kids have been failed by an ideology

Ive been so disappointed in Canada over this in recent years, they lost their minds. I used to think they were a beacon in the Americas but they are just as unhinged as the US.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 11/02/2026 09:44

If he was an incel would it be ok to discuss that? Leaving aside that many of these men would meet that description.

SecretSquirrelLoo · 11/02/2026 09:44

When people are saying a mass shooting has been carried out by a woman is the time to say no, it hasn’t.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 11/02/2026 09:46

Absolutely. And there is zero chance people aren’t going to bring it up, so that ship has sailed, @DotAndCarryOne2

DotAndCarryOne2 · 11/02/2026 09:47

likelysuspect · 11/02/2026 09:36

I wonder how it would be if I idenfied as black. (Im white). Lets say I started telling people Im black. Used an Ethopian name for example. Said I really am Ethiopian, I might not look it but I am. I refer to myself that way, I put that on forms for my ethnicity and identity.

And I committed a crime. And the authorities said look out for a black woman running amok.

Thats ok is it?

Clearly not. The shelter in place warning was an emergency and relied on an accurate description of the shooter to protect the public. And the best description at the time was female, brown hair, wearing a dress. I don’t imagine the priority of the authorities at that point was to verify if the shooter actually was female, when how they presented was the critical factor.

prh47bridge · 11/02/2026 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Some of your "facts" are wrong.

The Denver shooting was carried out by Desmond Holly who was not transgender.

The Georgia shooting was carried out by Colt Gray. The social media claims that he was transgender were wrong. There is no evidence that he was trans.

You are correct about the Nashville shooting. That was carried out by Aiden Hale, a woman who identified as a man (by the way, those on this thread who say that women don't carry out mass shootings are wrong - they are rare but they do happen).

The most recent high profile school shooting in Colorado was the one in Denver, which I have already dealt with. Prior to that we go back to Columbine, where both shooters were male. Neither was transgender.

The Minnesota shooter had identified as transgender at one point, but no longer identified as such by the time of the shooting.

There is little evidence that the Iowa shooter, Dylan Butler, was transgender. His social media displayed some LGBTQ symbolism and an image of graffiti saying "love your trans kids", but that does not mean he was himself trans.

People on the American right such as Donald Trump Jr, Elon Musk, Marjorie Taylor-Greene, Ted Cruz and others like to push the idea that school shootings are being carried out by trans individuals, but the evidence does not support them. For example, all those I have named claimed that the Lakewood Church shooting in 2024 was carried out by a trans individual, but the perpetrator was a biological female who never identified as anything else.

As my posts elsewhere show, I am not a supporter of the trans-rights movement. It is true that the offending patterns of transwomen (i.e. men who identify as women) are identical to those of men, with the exception of violent sex offences - transwomen are more likely to be violent sex offenders than men (although, to be clear, violent sex offenders are a small minority of both men and transwomen). However, it does not help the debate to perpetuate social media myths circulated mainly by the American right suggesting, wrongly, that trans individuals are responsible for most recent mass shootings. They are not.

likelysuspect · 11/02/2026 09:49

DotAndCarryOne2 · 11/02/2026 09:47

Clearly not. The shelter in place warning was an emergency and relied on an accurate description of the shooter to protect the public. And the best description at the time was female, brown hair, wearing a dress. I don’t imagine the priority of the authorities at that point was to verify if the shooter actually was female, when how they presented was the critical factor.

A man in a dress.

No one was looking at or had seen a 'female'

SinnerBoy · 11/02/2026 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message removed for repeating deleted post

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 11/02/2026 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Evergreen school shooting in Denver 2025 - perpetrator was involved in extreme neo-Nazi networks. I can't find any evidence he was trans.

Apalachee school shooting in Georgia 2024 - perpetrator was obsessed with school shootings and even had newspaper clippings of such on his bedroom walls. I can't find any evidence he was trans.

Covenant school shooting in Nashville 2023 - Perpetrator was trans identifying woman.

STEM school shooting in Colorado 2019 - One of the perpetrators was not trans, the other was a trans identifying woman.

Annunciation school shooting in Minneapolis 2025 - perpetrator was trans identifying man.

Perry High School shooting, Iowa 2024 - I can't find any evidence the perpetrator was trans.

So out of the six school shootings you specifically name, only three of them actually appear to involve trans-identifying people. That's a "vast majority" to you, is it? Now compare it to the fact that since 2019 there were FOUR HUNDRED AND SEVENTY THREE school shootings in the US. Is three out of 473 a "vast majority" as well?

But you gave the game away when you mentioned "high profile". I'm sure the kind of news sources you consume give particularly high profile attention to shootings involving trans-identifying people while ignoring the actual vast majority that don't. It's the same way that the followers of Tommy Robinson tend to watch news sources that give particularly high profile attention to crimes involving illegal immigrants while ignoring those perpetrated by white British nationals.

You're pushing lies because those lies agree with your political agenda. Shame on you.

Muffinmam · 11/02/2026 09:51

EleanorReally · 11/02/2026 06:38

they just said Female on the news

I think they are suggesting that this violent and abhorrent crime was committed by a
man who was cosplaying as a woman. I think people have had enough of inaccurate reporting.

As I get older I understand why women choose the bear. We aren’t safe.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 11/02/2026 09:51

prh47bridge · 11/02/2026 09:49

Some of your "facts" are wrong.

The Denver shooting was carried out by Desmond Holly who was not transgender.

The Georgia shooting was carried out by Colt Gray. The social media claims that he was transgender were wrong. There is no evidence that he was trans.

You are correct about the Nashville shooting. That was carried out by Aiden Hale, a woman who identified as a man (by the way, those on this thread who say that women don't carry out mass shootings are wrong - they are rare but they do happen).

The most recent high profile school shooting in Colorado was the one in Denver, which I have already dealt with. Prior to that we go back to Columbine, where both shooters were male. Neither was transgender.

The Minnesota shooter had identified as transgender at one point, but no longer identified as such by the time of the shooting.

There is little evidence that the Iowa shooter, Dylan Butler, was transgender. His social media displayed some LGBTQ symbolism and an image of graffiti saying "love your trans kids", but that does not mean he was himself trans.

People on the American right such as Donald Trump Jr, Elon Musk, Marjorie Taylor-Greene, Ted Cruz and others like to push the idea that school shootings are being carried out by trans individuals, but the evidence does not support them. For example, all those I have named claimed that the Lakewood Church shooting in 2024 was carried out by a trans individual, but the perpetrator was a biological female who never identified as anything else.

As my posts elsewhere show, I am not a supporter of the trans-rights movement. It is true that the offending patterns of transwomen (i.e. men who identify as women) are identical to those of men, with the exception of violent sex offences - transwomen are more likely to be violent sex offenders than men (although, to be clear, violent sex offenders are a small minority of both men and transwomen). However, it does not help the debate to perpetuate social media myths circulated mainly by the American right suggesting, wrongly, that trans individuals are responsible for most recent mass shootings. They are not.

That’s the wrong Denver shooting. Alec McKinney was “trans”. https://www.reuters.com/article/world/transgender-teen-sentenced-to-life-in-prison-for-deadly-colorado-school-shooting-idUSKCN24Q03E/

DotAndCarryOne2 · 11/02/2026 09:52

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 11/02/2026 09:24

But if they had said transwoman that would have been a lot clearer right? In a crisis that extra information without the gaslighting may have saved a life.

How would it have been clearer ? Did you expect members of the public to stop and wonder if the woman in front of them brandishing a gun was actually a man in a dress before fleeing ? They issued the description based on appearance - the shooter may or may not have been able to pass as a female, but no-one knew that at the time.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 11/02/2026 09:54

Muffinmam · 11/02/2026 09:51

I think they are suggesting that this violent and abhorrent crime was committed by a
man who was cosplaying as a woman. I think people have had enough of inaccurate reporting.

As I get older I understand why women choose the bear. We aren’t safe.

Exactly.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 11/02/2026 09:54

DotAndCarryOne2 · 11/02/2026 09:52

How would it have been clearer ? Did you expect members of the public to stop and wonder if the woman in front of them brandishing a gun was actually a man in a dress before fleeing ? They issued the description based on appearance - the shooter may or may not have been able to pass as a female, but no-one knew that at the time.

Of course it’s clearer. It lets them know it’s a biological male presenting as a woman.🙄 It’s quite key information. Not many people are actually fooled into thinking transwomen pass as women

SpaceRaccoon · 11/02/2026 09:55

DotAndCarryOne2 · 11/02/2026 09:52

How would it have been clearer ? Did you expect members of the public to stop and wonder if the woman in front of them brandishing a gun was actually a man in a dress before fleeing ? They issued the description based on appearance - the shooter may or may not have been able to pass as a female, but no-one knew that at the time.

Having seen pictures of shooter, there would have been no wondering if that was a man. Calling him a "woman" is what would have caused the confusion.
If the authorities had simply said a man in a dress, it would have been clear, but apparently that's beyond the pale even with children's lives at stake.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 11/02/2026 09:57

SpaceRaccoon · 11/02/2026 09:55

Having seen pictures of shooter, there would have been no wondering if that was a man. Calling him a "woman" is what would have caused the confusion.
If the authorities had simply said a man in a dress, it would have been clear, but apparently that's beyond the pale even with children's lives at stake.

Assuming they knew he was a man in a dress at the time the alert was issued ?

TirednessOnToast · 11/02/2026 09:58

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 11/02/2026 07:59

The reports should say acutely disturbed male murders school friend. Those poor kids and families destroyed by someone who was failed by society.

I agree: 'acutely disturbed male murders school friends
and also his mother, his sister & himself.
Perhaps if he had had appropriate MH input it would not have happened?
(by appropriate I don't mean 'put on a dress, change your pronouns & your life will be wonderful') Maybe he had some, maybe it wouldn't have mattered.
Of course we will never know. Really tragic all round.

Arraminta · 11/02/2026 09:59

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 11/02/2026 09:54

Of course it’s clearer. It lets them know it’s a biological male presenting as a woman.🙄 It’s quite key information. Not many people are actually fooled into thinking transwomen pass as women

6 month old babies can very accurately tell the difference between men and women. The rest of the world has absolutely no problem doing it either.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 11/02/2026 10:00

The fact that the Minneapolis shooter “no longer identified as transgender” is completely irrelevant. He was a violent man who did identify as transgender sometimes. The problem is that many of these men are violent and antisocial.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 11/02/2026 10:01

And that in the rush to “affirm” their mental health problems and personality disorders are often overlooked.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 11/02/2026 10:03

Ereshkigalangcleg · 11/02/2026 10:00

The fact that the Minneapolis shooter “no longer identified as transgender” is completely irrelevant. He was a violent man who did identify as transgender sometimes. The problem is that many of these men are violent and antisocial.

And of course women who believe in biological sex know this because we experience their violent death threats and have them turn up and be violent and destructive at women’s rights meetings.

likelysuspect · 11/02/2026 10:03

Ereshkigalangcleg · 11/02/2026 10:01

And that in the rush to “affirm” their mental health problems and personality disorders are often overlooked.

They are completely overlooked.

Any MH issues are put down to the fact that horrid society keeps 'dead naming' them and calling them Bob and how horried society is that they dont believe in being born in the wrong body and only believe in 2 sexes and KEEP using the word sex when they should say gender and are so square and binary that it makes them so ill mentally that they want to harm themselves.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 11/02/2026 10:06

The best thing society could do for these men (and women) is stop the ridiculous fucking charade that anyone thinks that they are the opposite sex and is going to play along with it.

ILikeDungs · 11/02/2026 10:10

I clicked on this thread, as l hadn’t heard the news. I expected to find emerging details and expressions of shock and sympathy for the victims and their families, not yet another bloody thread hijacked for a discussion on gender ideology. Utterly shameful.

I read the news at 6:00 this morning and thought "surely that's a man."
When I read it out to DH he said "Oh, a man then."

Why should people feel shame for correctly interpreting the BBC's shameful and misleading reporting?

This is a scolding for understanding reality and failing to pretend to believe BBC gaslighting. We weren't kind enough, people!

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