WWYD? School Incident.

[ciscowife]

DS (13) is a weekly boarder. Last night he texted me “can you come and get me”. I tried to call him a number of times to see what was the matter. I decided to phone the boarding house as this is out of character for him. Was told there had been an incident and he was very upset. Drove to collect him immediately without knowing what had happened. He was in an absolute state when I got there.
He had been dragged into a bedroom by a Y13 and Y10 pinned to the bed, wrapped up in a blanket so he couldn’t move and then threatened with being water boarded, and having various liquids and things shoved in his mouth. Luckily they were interrupted by the lady who was on duty. She knocked on the door and opened it to tell them something, DS shouted for help and managed to get away but he was then chased by them. He tried to run away from the school to get away from them.
The school dealt with it quickly and we had late phone calls with deputy head followed by meetings today. The two boys have been suspended for the rest of this week which basically means they are getting an extended half term break.
We feel that this isn’t acceptable punishment because it could have been an awful outcome. Some friends who are either in boarding/teaching have said that this should be a police matter and the council safeguarding team should be informed.
So WWYD oh wise mums in the net!

Your poor son, I’m hoping that the suspension is just for investigation purposes so this can be taken further. Just appalling.

They assaulted him. Speak to the police.
I would also speak to the school and ask what else they are planning to do to support your child and what other consequences they are planning for the boys involved. Follow up any conversations with emails to confirm your understanding and to make sure that you have a paper trail. Suspension is not enough.

Do you think that this is the first time that they have targeted ds?

Can you arrange support for him?

Jesus how terrifying for your son. And you.

I think I’d report to the police and keep him home.

Agree, but lesser criminal behaviour, such as a slap would typically be dealt with within the school.

This is not a LADO matter as it’s not an allegation against staff . It’s a police matter as it’s an assault

Surely over 16s in a boarding school should not have access to under 16s overnight or in bedrooms.

I am a childminder and our own children aged 16 and over must be DBS checked. I can't believe it is acceptable for adults of 18, presumably without any background checks, to have access to 13 year olds overnight.

Police. Immediately.

Which inner city state schools have beds that unsupervised teenagers are tying younger kids to?

A year 13??? That's future abuser/sexual assaulter. They are likely an adult. I'd get the police involved. I hate the way schools try to brush things under the carpet. This is an adult/almost an adult and a 13 year old. Then they run away? Awful.

Call the police, insist that the school permanently excluded them. These boys do not sound safe to be in this environment with other children. Hope your boy is ok, he must have been terrified and as you say the outcome could have been so much worse.
Absolutely shocking

Poor kid. Bring him home and keep him home. Kids should be with their parents.

Im so sorry your son has been assaulted at school.
Hope he is getting support,how does he feel now and has he said what he wants to happen now?
What have school said is happening regarding this terrifying assault on your son.
The perpetrators need to be removed from the school immediately.
Your son needs a day place and the safety and security of home at night after such a traumatic event or to be moved schools.
Report to police .

I work in a secondary school. 100% contact the police. And meet with the school’s safeguarding lead to see what changes are made to ensure your son is kept safe. These boys should not be able to have any unsupervised access with younger students.

Your friends are right about calling the police.

I'd be withdrawing my child from the school because he isn't safe there, and sending a solicitor's letter demanding return of the rest of the term's fees.

I'd also be writing to the Head of Governers and to the Independent School's Inspectorate (or whatever the relevant body is).

I used to teach in an independent school. The attackers' lack of reaction to being caught by a member of staff, and suspension rather than expulsion, show that these two nasty boys are not bad eggs causing a one-off problem; the school is failing to keep pupils safe.

Dear god this is horrific, call the police, I’m so sorry for your son having to go through this x

It wasn't a slap, though, was it. Therefore, your comment was, and is, irrelevant.

The year 13 is 18 years old so an adult. Yeah, I'd be informing the police. If he is back in school after half term, it will be frightening for your son

As someone mentioned, why do the older students have access to younger students bedrooms? Surely a safeguarding issue here.

I’d contact the police and wouldn’t be sending him back to that school

Police. A serious and lengthy assault has happened.

The aggressors should be expelled, not suspended. In a boarding school he can't be adequately safeguarded from nighttime attacks.

About 15 years ago my DS was assaulted in a similar way on a school trip and his therapist recommended that I report it to the police because the school did not deal with it pretty much at all (basically excused it as boys will be boys). I did not report it because it seemed overkill at the time. It's one of the few things that I really regret about my parenting. It set a tone for my dc's about what level of bullying society would accept and normalize and what help (or lack there of) from adults they could hope for. It has taken years to overcome that.

I hope your son is ok & not to traumatised. As for what you want to get out of this. I do think this is a police matter. However, I do appreciate the reluctance to cause your boy anymore hurt & you probably just want to put it behind you if you get the right answers from the school. I hope you get the best outcome for your boy and I really feel for you to as this is absolutely heartbreaking for all of you.

There’s no going back here. You need to take him out of that school. I would also be contacting the police

Where do all you 'it's a school matter' people draw the line? Two kids were stabbed today in a school in London: is that 'a school matter' and not one for the police to be bothered with? Stabbing is illegal as is the assault OP's son endured.

We are still clearly the land of 'Tom Brown's Schooldays'.

I’d have serious concerns about 17/18 year olds mixing with 13 years olds.
18 year olds are adults!

Whilst I’ve not taught in the private boarding school system this sort of attack, as described, would have been treated, in the state schools I taught in, more harshly than just a couple of days of suspension.

Like find another school.

You can…..
Go along with their handling of the matter.
Find another school for your son.
Complain to governing body.
Complain to independantly school inspection body.
Report the issue to the Police.

Any or all of the above? But following discussion with your son.

My DW went to boarding school and by all accounts some aspects of life there were pretty wild.

But this was 50 years ago.
Times have changed - duty of care, risk assessments, supervision, child abuse, grooming are now things.

All the best.