WWYD? School Incident.

[ciscowife]

DS (13) is a weekly boarder. Last night he texted me “can you come and get me”. I tried to call him a number of times to see what was the matter. I decided to phone the boarding house as this is out of character for him. Was told there had been an incident and he was very upset. Drove to collect him immediately without knowing what had happened. He was in an absolute state when I got there.
He had been dragged into a bedroom by a Y13 and Y10 pinned to the bed, wrapped up in a blanket so he couldn’t move and then threatened with being water boarded, and having various liquids and things shoved in his mouth. Luckily they were interrupted by the lady who was on duty. She knocked on the door and opened it to tell them something, DS shouted for help and managed to get away but he was then chased by them. He tried to run away from the school to get away from them.
The school dealt with it quickly and we had late phone calls with deputy head followed by meetings today. The two boys have been suspended for the rest of this week which basically means they are getting an extended half term break.
We feel that this isn’t acceptable punishment because it could have been an awful outcome. Some friends who are either in boarding/teaching have said that this should be a police matter and the council safeguarding team should be informed.
So WWYD oh wise mums in the net!

You learn something new every day!

I agree.
Even when this Y13 is expelled... Then what. He sounds a danger to society if he thinks this behaviour is acceptable.

I can't help but wonder what else may have gone on that these two think this acceptable behaviour.

OP I have a feeling this incident is the tip of the iceberg 😥

Fuck me. I worked in a boarding school for several years. This would have been expulsion. Id contact the police. It may be that they follow up with harsher punishment but that's irrelevant. Assault is a crime

There are some dotted around - some are especially used by military / diplomatic families whilst parents are on postings. For example Ripon Grammar is a state grammar school but you can pay to board (not that this is necessarily the school in question, but just one i know of locally). Its significantly cheaper than private boarding.

I would be contacting police, the Local Authority (e.g. council) and whatever relevant eduction inspector there is (assuming independent equivalent of OFSTED).

This is awful and must have been terrifying at the time. Your poor son. Great he called you and you went immediately.
This reminds me of n attack with a hockey stick in a Dublin boarding school maybe ten years ago. It was publicised at the time and again sounded horrific.

I don't know what country or planet you live on, but on everyone elses, the fact it happened on school grounds is irrelevant. The two pupils responsible committed an assault at the very least, and the OP has EVERY legal right to report it to the police.

It happening on school grounds does not absolve them of a crime, or mean they didn't break the law... for the same reasons students who assault teachers, or murder other pupils also get arrested and charged.

That’s a serious assault. Police.

Edit: schools obviously prefer to ‘resolve’ issues in-house, because they don’t want the publicity and in some cases, they don’t want the students to have a juvenile (or adult in the case of the year 13) record. Don’t be sweet talked into de-escalating action.

He isn't safe there because it happened in the first place. Never mind their failures to respond appropriately, what about the failures that allowed a young man to attack a child in their bedroom, with only the coincidental arrival of a woman preventing serious harm? And even then, not preventing him from being persued by his attackers. Where were the adults making sure your DS was safe? Why was there no procedure for the woman to call for support?
Honestly if this had happened to a child in any other context it would be a huge deal and a police matter, yet boarding school seems to apply its own rules. My child wouldn't be going back.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/many-witnesses-at-alleged-assault-on-boy-at-king-s-hospital-1.2891449
Worse than I remember it. And people are paying for their children to be in these scenarios. Hope your son is OK now op.

Reminded me of the Jamie B*lger case 😳😢

Horrifying.

We have one in our town. It likes to pretend it's a private school, and it's selective based on church attendance. Pretty annoying, as there is a shortage of state school places in the town, but this one takes children from all over who are willing to pay to board there.

Find out who the 18 year old is and get some male relatives to pay him a half-term visit.

Don't let the school sort it out themselves. It needs a safeguarding referral to the LA'S Children's Services and reporting to the police.

No way is this going to be the first time something like this has happened, it's just too extreme. Don't leave it for the school to hush up and minimise. If those kids had done that anywhere else like in the park it would be assault. An 18 year old doing that is really worrying and the year 10 must know better. There is something gone very wrong at that school or with those pupils.

And when were they planning on calling you, if your son hadn't got there first?

I felt unwell reading that i cannotnimagine how you feel.

Your son could be dead or brain damaged if that woman hadn't found them in time.
It would one of those horrific stories you read about in the papers.

Irrespective of what the school do i would 💯 report this too the police.
It's a legal adult abusing a child.
Y10 I'd also be pursuing charges against.
Both knew full well they could have killed or seriously injured him or given him brain damage.

And i wouldnt be going to the police of malice or revenge but civil duty. This kind of dangerous abberent behaviour shouldn't go unchecked. Imagine what this boy /man might go on to do to future victims.

Half a week suspension is a treat wildly inappropriate "punishment"

I agree report to the police. A year 13 I'd basically an adult 18 or almost 18 and this is an assault.

You know something id call the police because those fuckers need to know that this kind of behaviour is assault and in the real world they could ruin lives incl their own. Get the police involved and give those kids a fright and let it be an example to any other idiot think or behaving that way.

sending lots of love, mother of an only child who’s a boy here and I would find it hard not to explode so you’re doing great! X

Please involve the police. Don't let the school bury this.

This is reminiscent of Tom Brown's School days ! Just shocking and I'm so sorry for your son . I'd inform the police , find a local school and never send him back to 'board ' . Poor lad .

Look up what happened at Blundells!

I think with the ages and the schools lack of really taking it seriously I'd be calling the police immediately.

Can you give the first letter of the name of this school? @ciscowife

• report to police
• report to education authority
• find a safe school that will take your son's safety seriously

Boarding school parents, understandably, like to think this sort of behaviour - this culture - is in the past and wouldn’t happen in a modern boarding environment. Unfortunately they are wrong. Schools, for obvious reasons, will and do ignore it and pretend it doesn’t happen - and when it does, they will hide or minimise it, because bullying is bad for business (and sexual bullying even more so). It’s a serious problem and parents should have their eyes open when they decide to choose boarding for their child. I know of similar assaults in several schools, with victims of both sexes (though I’ve not personally come across a perpetrator who wasn’t male). It’s particularly bad in all-boys’ schools, and always has been. Sexual assault of this kind is about power and dominance, which makes it more similar to what has happened to the OP’s son than it might appear.

You need to ring the police. This is assault.