To feel annoyed I can never have a drink because I always have to collect Dh from work?

[stripeyrain]

I usually get home around 5 and Dh finishes around 9.
He isn’t allowed to park in his work car park as there is limited space and they are reserved for management.
It’s a sort of business park off a busy intersection so there’s no side roads or parking nearby.

Sometimes (not often) I really feel like coming home especially on a Friday and having a glass of wine while I make dinner but I always have to pick him up later so I can’t have a drink after work with colleagues on the odd occasion they do or with friend.
I was never a big drinker but I do resent having to drive later every night and just never being able to if I fancy ever.
He’s had this job for 6 years now and I miss sitting in the garden with a glass of wine after work, enjoying the last bit of sun of the day (in the summer) I just feel a bit restricted as his chauffeur when that should be my down time and this time of year I’d feel very unreasonable making him walk home in the dark and pouring rain just so I could have a couple of drinks after work but that doesn’t stop me from resenting that I never can.

Or perhaps things are exactly as described and she is challenged by the responses.

Does she think this is normal and acceptable?

Is it even true?

This is hilarious. I don't like cleaning bathrooms or cooking or an awful lot of the parenting grind. Who cares? I'm an adult and I suck it up.

I take the bus to work. It is often crowded and hot and I don't enjoy a second of it. My husband works at home. I guess he could drive me to work but that would be ridiculous as we are grownups who can sort out our own lives and there's a perfectly reasonable option for me to get to work without his input.

I still think this is hugely concerning controlling behaviour to ensure your partner gets less sleep, no time to herself and is tied down to his schedule. It is absolutely ridiculous that she leaves the house early to drop him off, goes and has a full day at work, cooks and cleans and sorts out the house and then picks him up at 9pm. that's her entire week without a second to herself or to see friends or to just have an evening off.

I'm not really a drinker but even I don't see an issue with her having a glass of wine with a friend now and again. And actually she couldn't even have a coffee with a friend either as she has an actual curfew. A grown woman with a curfew! The alcohol is not at all the point and hopefully the OP sees this.

I mentioned this earlier. He sounds very controlling and the OP is going along with it.

It’s not about having a drink - it’s about try fact that every evening she can’t make any plans as she has to wait around and pick him up. So no gym, hobbies, seeing friends… all because a grown man won’t walk 30 minutes…

It is annoying but I'd probably just have a drink after I'd picked him up. I often pick up dc late (11.30). I sometime have a drink then.

It’s not really about the drinking. She can’t make any plans any evening as a grown man won’t walk 30 minutes. Picking up children is completely different.

Though to be fair my DS walks 30 minutes to the gym and back and never accepts a lift…

I don’t understand the posters suggesting the OP should not drink or wait.

Getting home from work is HIS responsibility, not hers, and he needs to find a solution. It seems like so far his solution was just to expect her to run around after him.

Fuck that shit, you’re not his chauffeur or his mum. Tell him to get a grip and sort his own way home.

And those questioning why this would make him less attractive? Being treated like a mug or his mummy wouldn’t exactly do it for me.

A friend of mines partner got a gym membership so he could park his car there on the way to work. The membership worked out a bit more than what he would have to pay for a parking permit and the carpark wasn't that much closer anyway.

I think they mean because when grown men behave like children its a turnoff.
The OP partner is behaving like a child.
My partner doesnt drive. We used to live 30 miles from his work and even then, he got his ass home himself. When we lived an hours walk away, he also took himself to or from work without relying on me.
Because that is normal adult bahaviour.

Just tell him to get a taxi on the nights you've had a wine ? My partner picks me up from the train station as I commute with a toddler. But he will just text me if he can't for whatever reason and I'll get a cab or bus. No drama.

This is completely besides the point, but 15mph on a bike isn't really easy. I'd say 10-12mph. That's what I would cycle at to work and if I did 10 miles. 15mph would take a bit more effort.

Still, it's the difference between 10 minutes and 6 minutes. Negligible when it's about 2 miles away (based on 30 minutes walking).

It's not sunny all year round or poor weather all year round - you've been driving him too and from work for six years now? Half an hour walk is around 1.5 miles or so depending on how fast someone walks. He can't even get a taxi a couple of times a month or walk it?

Why shouldn't you come home from work and relax - he's taking the piss and it's about time someone went to the union and asked why do managers have parking spaces and staff don't

What would he do if you left him, worked evenings, died, were unfit to drive due to ill health. This is not a healthy set up if it 8s something you dont want to do. Some people are fine with this. I wouldnt be happy with this

The alcohol bit is only an aside to the whole thing really. The fact is it IS a hassle to have to pick someone up everyday. I know because I live for the 1 day a week when my kids have no activity in the evening so when I'm home from work, that's it. I don't need to go out again unless I want to.
It would be different (still annoying, but not as annoying) if there was some reason why the grown man couldn't easily get himself home. Eg. He's physically incapacitated etc. But the fact is, he just can't be bothered to cycle/scoot/walk. And he knows this means his partner can have no evening social life (or just relax after a day of work) should she choose to and he clearly doesn't care.

He needs to pull himself together and so do you. Stop babysitting him! He can walk - if his legs chafe then get some long boxers? They literally do running ones that are tight fitted and prevent chafing. He can get a taxi or ride a bike or get the bus and you can have a life outside of being his lift. Let him make his own way home a few times a week and stop babying him.

I have reported your personal attack on me, and I will say what I want thank you

but she is also out earning a living. And cannot enjoy life because of her man. That’s no way to live

Husband needing picked up makes him less attractive? Wow

He doesnt need picking up

He's acting like an incompetent.

So not attractive

(or worse he is, as we have said, controlling and therefore this is not attractive either)

Yes - a grown man who can't make his own way home from work (a whole half an hours' walk away) and relies on his wife to come and collect him every night for six years is incredibly unattractive.

It's just pathetic, really.

Yes because he doesn’t need to does he. He could walk 30 minutes well everyday if he had to but certainly twice a week

so his wife doesn’t have to take 30 minutes out of her day

so yes he is putting his needs/selfishness/laziness first and expecting the OP to facilitate at her expense which is incredibly unattractive

Ffs I wouldn't like to come home to u with a few ££ short in my pay packet 🤣

I'd suggest a bike or electric bike would be an option.
I walk 35-40 minutes to work and back every shift I see it as my exercise and keeps me healthy. I used to walk around a 50 minutes. I am considering an electric bike. But I do do 3 1 hour sessions in the gym weekly as well.
And yes I work full time (as well as studying towards a BSc)

every Day!? Yes it’s absolutely awful, and would make you go on a sex strike

Just tell him on a Friday he needs to get a taxi home cause u want to unwind

He’d have to walk or find another way if he didn’t have you so I’d seriously suggest it finds an alternative, at least some of the evenings. Collecting him every evening sounds miserable, especially when it’s only a 30 min walk home.