4 year old never gets award

[DesperateDad80]

I just wanted to get others' thoughts. My DD is in reception and every Friday her school's weekly newsletter includes 3 awards per year group: perseverance, kindness and work of the week. We are now week 17, so there have been 51 awards handed out since September for her class of 30. My DD is yet to get a single one whereas lots of other children have received 2 or 3 by now. To make things worse, I think I've discovered that every Friday, these awards might be celebrated in a whole school assembly which would mean my DD has now sat through 17 assemblies without a mention. I am completely gutted and fed up with the sinking feeling I get every Friday when I check the newsletter again to see her overlooked. Her only school report this year was absolutely fine. Am I overreacting? Surely, when in reception, children shouldn't be left behind like this unless she's completely awful.

Agree. I would definitely email/talk to teacher. I have no problem being That Parent, particularly when the child in question is so tiny.

Thanks for the messages. I get that it is probably me that is more gutted than her, but what can I say, she's my firstborn starting school.. I have raised it, simply asking whether we could do more. Sure she's not perfect, but she's 4 with a good heart. My main worry now is the intimation that these awards are shared in assemblies and I don't want her to feel she's failing and have her confidence knocked - she was so confident in nursery and I almost feel she could be regressing but I'm probably being paranoid. Sure she thinks differently, being little, hence me asking whether I was being unreasonable. Some very helpful posts here.

Ugh! This reminded me off dd in Year 6. She kept getting missed out for star of the week, awards for good behaviour, kindness etc. she was a really good kid, never in trouble, got on with her work, helped others. It’s still the same in high school. She’s given up and I’m not surprised she’s not motivated. Teachers need to take account for this. My dd in Year 9 looked after animals for the school in a teacher’s absence, she was there before school, during breaks and occasionally went in at the weekends, she never got recognition for it 😡

Honestly don't know how she would be in school. Think a lot of little ones change their behaviour at home, especially if they're suppressing their craziness at school. There's a lot to love about her.

Sorry to hear this.

That's dreadful OP, your poor daughter. YANBU. In KS1, and CERTAINLY at 4 years old, this should be done on a scheduled rota. It almost doesn't matter what any particular child has or hasn't done that week, every child gets it once before anyone is considered for it again.

If you're a class teacher and you can't think of anything each individual child has done that week to praise them for then you're doing it wrong.

If you are deliberately excluding a child and publicly rewarding others ahead of them in this way, and to this extent, I think it should be a disciplinary offence.

Has anyone actually ever done a study on whether awarding shit behaviour (as what is being said here - that x managed not to hit someone) has a positive effect. Both on the kid and also on the actual good kids?

You probably need to get used this. My fifteen year old is predicted eight As in his exams this year but he's never been recognised with an award or reward at school. He just keep his head down and does his work but isn't a teachers pet either. The school has an annual reward trip and he's never been invited.

My ds who's 11 has never had an award either.

Some kids just coast along unrecognised unfortunately. We do out best to give them a boost at home and let them know how proud we are of them.

Wait til you have to attend the annual awards assembly every year and see the same kids get all the (proper annual) awards. My DD finally got hers in Y13 (most improved in history - I’d say as she went on to achieve 196/200 on her A level History, and she was predicted a B!; and best EPQ). That’s a very long wait! My son got one award in Y7. Only one in his whole school career.

But I’m sure your child will get awarded at some point. It was ‘Star of the Week’ at our school in reception and everyone got it at some point.

keep in mind that they often reward children who are in desperate need of encouragement…..sitting still on the carpet for 2 minutes is the equivalent achievement for one child as writing and illustrating a detailed story is for another, yet the first type of achievement is often more likely to be noticed and rewarded. It’s not ok though, I’d definitely say something! It shouldn’t necessarily be on rotation but they ALL deserve to be noticed, and should all get a turn. Some kids notice/care more than others. One of my children is very motivated by certificates etc, the other couldn’t give two hoots!

I remember this when my DDs were young. They always got overlooked for these awards and would be so hopeful/ disappointed every week. I honestly think they would be better off scrapping these pointless awards - they do more harm than good.

In seven years, my DD’s primary school never gave her the coveted “headteacher award”. Some primary schools don’t rotate awards so if it’s precious to you, mention it to the teacher again.

My dd is now aiming for all grades 8s and 9s in her 11 GCSE’s, she is a lovely, funny, gregarious and generally caring girl who doesn’t have a single good thing to say about her old primary school headteacher.

Thankfully my daughter's school has stopped this nonsense such as "Star of the week" and assigning groups of kids pegs. There are "house points" but they're not an individual thing. The kids can bring in whatever they've done / accomplished in the previous week to their teacher and the head will call them up in assembly. My daughter told me someone was called up because they said they kept their head underwater at swimming so it doesn't even have to be anything particularly special.

Ah I remember feeling like this when my DS was in reception also.
he always came out on a Friday x got star of the week and he was always happy for his friends but I could tell he wanted one so bad. I did feel for him and he tried so hard to get one.
I've found year 1 and 2 a lot better in terms of celebrating his wins.

@DesperateDad80 As a Reception teacher, I would advise you to ask the teacher if there could be an agreed upon target to help your daughter work towards an award. It’s probably an oversight. I think this is a good way to show the teacher your child wants to work hard, and also that you expect the teacher to have high expectations of your child (and also to know her well enough to set a target, and pay enough attention to notice when she meets it!)

p.s - just for reassurance, at my old school leadership wanted pupil premium children to have got their awards by Christmas. The vibe was if I was teaching them well, they would have achieved by then. Silly nonsense, but it’s the sort of thing that causes delays for other children.

Maybe you needed to be specific - 'I noticed that she hasn't had an award yet while everyone else has and some have had more than one - is this an oversight or is there something that we need know?' I don't think you are being unreasonable under the circumstances, but I suspect it's just an oversight. I remember when DS was in reception, he was upset because he was the only child not to have been given time in the reading corner (3 children were allowed every day) and now others were on their second turn. His teacher insisted that they had all been, but it turns out that he had accidentally been missed off the list and another child was on there twice.

I wouldn't go to the teacher; I would go to the head of the school.
She's 4.

Frankly, that's appalling and so demoralising for her.

@DesperateDad80 DC do notice. My DD got very demoralised about other dc getting all the accolades whilst she was overlooked. Bright dc pick up on unfairness, but she was older. So I would now go to the head as the class teacher has failed to address your concerns. I hate this stars of the week rubbish. My DDs infant school sent notes home in the book bag. Parents shared them with dc privately. Junior school was the offender.

I think YABU. They have told you she is fine which is probably true but an award is supposed to be for something exceptional. Why should it be on rotation, awards don't work like that. We had commendations at my school but there were no where near that many, they were done at the end if the school year and there were 5 in the whole school, not per class. In the whole time I was at school, i got 2, some kids never got any. If your child wants an award she has to up her game and do something noticeable. Just keeping her head down, her mouth shut and working hard is not enough.

My son received an award from a dinner lady for good table manners. He’s 22 now and the only award ever given.

My daughter is 27, stood up many times for golden child for her class, but then bizarrely the head had to choose from 12 children standing up which one of them was the overall best to receive the Golden Child trophy for the week. She never ever got it as the head clearly had favourites. I could never get my head around it, as it was an on the spot thing.

I officially opted out of reward charts and "star of the week" nonsense for my children in primary school. They are behavioural management tools that do absolutely nothing to instil a love of learning and a sense that being good and kind is your civic duty not something you do for rewards and points. I told my children that they would not be participating. I also had a massive issue that the "points" were often displayed on the wall in a hierarchy. Small children learn to sit still, share, speak quietly, etc at different times and stages. It is,imo, terrible to shame children for not having it quite right yet on a way that would never be done for learning maths or reading.

And yes....teachers have favourites. And even the ones who don't have favourites can't see everything that happens in the class or in the playground so it's a completely pointless fear based system.

For gods sake, please don’t.
Do you not think the head of a school in charge of over 200 children has other things to worry about??
Speak to her teacher again if you are that bothered. Ask specifically about how she is behaving in school and is there a reason she hasn’t been awarded anything yet.
To be honest though, when a parent comes to me and makes a fuss about something like this it just makes me want to choose all
the other kids instead. I have a system that makes sure that no child gets overlooked but I’d much rather give them it because they’ve earned it rather than because mummy came and moaned.

This was my DD for years, and her quiet nature didn’t help. She was never selected for an award until year 10. The award was for most academic and it was based on exam points so that’s why she won. The teachers were all surprised as they never saw her academic ability. They all found out when she got top grades in the school at GCSE and now younger DC come up to her and say are you XX and she says yes and they tell her she is an inspiration.

It really saddens me when some DC are overlooked. You’d like to think they have some kind of record and ensure all kids are considered for something at some point.

Or maybe you could explain your system to the parents so that they understand from the offset that their child is not struggling or misbehaving or being overlooked.

However...if you have a "system" that means ALL children will be rewarded how does that fit in with giving it to a child who "earned" it. What exactly must a 4 year old do to earn some validation? Your description of concerned parents "making a fuss" says more about you as a teacher than it does about the parents.