Dummy at 8?

[Sockmate]

Niece has a dummy, dipped in honey several times a day, probably around 20, then all night. No SEN. Sister says its 'just a cute little part of her'. I hugely disagree, so damaging for her teeth. Speech is affected already. She is doing poorly at school, lowest grades in class, getting learning support, has missed a lot of school due to asthma. I made the point last week the dummy probably isnt helping. Child has constant cough with antibiotics/steroids, round after round. I'm baffled that she thinks this is ok. I know a lot of children go beyond the recommended 1 to 2 years but this is taking the piss!!! Also the dummy's are changed maybe once a year if that 🤢🤢 response I got was its doing no harm and she personally knows older kids than hers that have dummies 🙄

Is it just a case of you cant argue with stupid? Concerned for my little niece. AIBU?

This is neglect. You should contact the school’s safeguarding lead.

No no no. I had a dummy till I was about 7. Mum just never made any move for me to give it up. I wish she had!!

£5k on a brace privately in my early 20s and a further run of £2k of Invisalign a couple of years ago. And my teeth still aren’t exactly how I’d like them to be!!

For that reason - DS had a dummy only till his teeth came through and DD didn’t have one at all. Both still need braces for overcrowding but they don’t have any other dental misalignment

Exactly this, she has had so many antibiotics, honestly she's on the almost continuously.

We have the same GP. DS told me the GP was 'fine with it', I dont believe this. DS is a regular liar but thats another thread! I was thinking I might mention to the GP.

To the poster that said how am I diagnosing the child.l? I'm not. She was seen by Clinical Psychologist & OT for possible DCD/Dyspraxia and Dyslexia. No diagnosis was made but it was recognised she is behind in some areas but given her IQ scores they felt this is down to missing huge amounts of school rather than a learning difficulty/disability. In addition to the sick leave she takes them out of school in term time. They have already missed 3 weeks for holidays this year and another 2 weeks booked in March.

But regardless as others have said SEN or no SEN this isnt right. I only mentioned it as it seems to be the first thing that is said on here of anyone comments on a child's behaviour!

Some people should not be parents. Your sister is one of those people.

Does your sister have learning difficulties herself? Never read a book..

Can you report it to the safeguarding lead at the school? She must already be on their radar with all the absences so this will be another piece of the picture hopefully for intervention.

At age 8 with no severe SEN needs (which I cant comment on, as no experience).
My own DD is ASD but not severe, loved her dummy and it was hard to come off it at 18months as it was starting to affect her speech.
I have ASD as well and sill thumb suck in private.

Im wondering if your niece sees a dentist regularly. As the impact for fer teeth could be huge, or a speech and language therapist.

I would also wonder if its mum keeping her on the dummy, or the child as it sounds like shes embarrassed by it, dose she want to come off it and needs support. Has niece been told or able to understand the risk of having one at 8, and tje honey on her teeth? Do school know she has one.

Would it be seen as neglect if mum is knowingly damaging her teeth and delaying her speech? I'm not sure. The honey concerns me the most. Mabey its something that mum and Niece could get support in.

Sounds like the mother has MH problems.

I had a dummy all the way to the start of primary school and I wish my mother had tackled it. I have an overbite/overjet.

People keep mentioning the dentist. I’m pretty sure OP said she’d never seen a dentist.

Whilst I don't agree with it, it's not making her unwell with asthma and coughs.
More than anything, it's the dipping it in honey! Why??

SEN equals a dummy? Most bizarre. YANBU she’s ruining her teeth - end of. She sounds like she wants to keep her as a baby to me.

I’d report it, she sounds mentally unwell.

Some SEN might. My autistic 7 year old was highly attached to his dummy (for sleeping/when sad/upset). And I'm on the anti-dummy team- said my kids would never have them. When I ended up having to put my finger in the baby's mouth during hours because the sucking was the only thing that soothed him I caved in. Lots of autistic kids tend to need to suck/bite to selfsoothe. That being said it's not something that should be given a child just because he's SEN- it's given because there is a need for it.

You need to report the honey on the teeth constantly.
It is neglect. If you over look the dummy dipping, you are also at fault.

Niece needs to see a dentist. Niece needs to have help in giivng up dummy.

Get your sister to watch the episode of Bluey where Muffin sucks her thumb ('Muffincone')

I would maybe mention it anonymously to school or SS for early help. If she never researches anything, she might need help to look after the kids properly and realise she is supposed to do homework with them etc.
The dummy and infantilising, if extreme, can be abusive. It was mentioned very briefly when I did a safeguarding course, along the lines of, but not as serious as, Munchausen's by proxy. It can affect physical and social development but it must've been going on for years at this point and not a new thing?

Definitely a SEND child if is getting help at school as they need funding to do that.
Not your circus not your monkeys.

YANBU

mum needs someone’s toe up her arse. Absolutely dreadful parenting

Contact social services and let them know your concerns.

I'm the meantime suggest healthier alternatives and encourage going to the dentist.

Dipped in HONEY?! So sugar just sat there on her teeth. Yeesh. I mean, we all know about the impact of dummies on speech development, communication, tooth and jaw growth and development. And at 8. Oof. Do you think that it's linked to her getting poorly because it's not being cleaned or replaced? Is it being used as a soother? Does her mum know that no other 8 year olds use dummies? I remember when there was a dummy collection at my son's nursery when he was 3 and I felt that that was too old because his little mates with the dummies really struggled to communicate with their mums because they'd bung one in their mouths at pick up. Sorry, this is very unhelpful. I just think you're right to be concerned.

I have never heard of this with anyone. Has the dentist not commented on it? I thought it would disturb the growth of teeth. We always used to tell children they should give it to Father Christmas to encourage them to give up their dummy.

Not taking a DC to the dentist is neglect.

This is bordering on abuse. I think you should talk to the school and social services. Bugger that it's your sister or that she's family - The child's wellbeing is not being put first. Someone needs to care. This is neglect.