Husband told daughter to stop chewing so loudly in his ear

[Meg878o]

AIBU to be upset and angry about this comment my husband made to.our 11 year old daughter. We'd been out swimming, treated the kids to a pack of sweets each, in the car on the way home. Daughter and husband sat next to each other in the back and all of a sudden he says to her 'can you stop chewing so loudly in my ear' it clearly offended her. Thoughts please...

Why would that be bad? Chewing loudly is gross

Hasn't she been taught not to eat with her mouth open or to not crunch, munch and slurp?

Your husband has a point and if that's all you've got to offended about consider yourselves fortunate.

Huh? I'm fully on your husbands side hear. I tell my 3 year old to stop chewing so loudly. If she's offended, maybe she needs to reflect on how to eat without making disgusting noises.

I'm now waiting to see the next post from OP which will be a long drip feed about how her DH is always belittling to their daughter, blah blah, but on this basis of this alone - chewing loudly is gross, your daughter needs to learn to keep her mouth shut.

Depends on the tone it was said in.

If polite and kind, YABU.

If rude, snappy, nasty or shouty, YANBU.

The yardstick is would he say it in that way to an adult he respected? Children shouldn’t be spoken to worse that we’d speak to an adult.

Are you always this melodramatic?

This.
FFS.

You're 'upset and angry' because your husband told his 11-year-old that she was being a bit irritating by loudly chewing next to him? Bloody hell.

If this is your bar for being being upset and angry, how do you actually manage to get through your days?

it clearly offended her

So what?

I can't stand noisy eaters either! Loud chewing and chomping noises are grim.
SILs kids are noisy eaters, mouths open and chomp chomp. Teen DD always moans to me about it. Neither SIL or her DH say anything to the kids.

My thoughts are erratic today. Can’t seem to focus on one thing, hoping for a more organised stream of consciousness tomorrow.

Don't blame him. It's rude and irritating.

I voted YANBU and here’s why. I was raised by my grandparents because I had an abusive father and my mother had mental health issues and was broken down by his abuse. The physical abuse wasn’t great, but the verbal abuse was absolutely soul-destroying. One of the things he would do is just scream at me, “CHEW MORE QUIETLY,” or his favorite, “DRINK SOMETHING,” as if making just normal chewing sounds was dehydration. The amount of times I should mention I already had excellent table manners and chewed with my mouth closed; I believe he had misophonia because I do too, but when people normally chewing bothers my misophonia, I don’t take it on them because I’m not a fucking arsehole. When my grandparents got elderly, listening to them eat a sandwich was like the noise of being on a building site, but I didn’t say anything because, again, I’m not an abusive prick.

So only you know which of these situations is what happened:

1. Your daughter has appalling table manners and was chewing with her mouth open, very loudly, next to your husband, and rightly got a (mild) telling off.
2. She was chewing with her mouth closed, displaying fine manners, but chewy candy just happens to make a lot of noise when you eat it.

If it was the first, he should still have said, “Please chew with your mouth closed.” He’s her parent, not her sibling; he’s supposed to teach her, not snipe at her. The problem with what he said is that it neither gives her an opportunity to learn or to do better - wtf is she supposed to do? Just not chew?

If it’s a one-off, we all get snappy sometimes. And think on it no more. But if he makes comments often to the children that are things they can’t fix (stuff like yelling at them for sneezing too loudly), that’s when you have a problem.

(I realize this is heavily affected by my own experiences; I just wanted to provide this alternative point of view).

I would say this to my children if they were chewing loudly, and if they were 'offended' I would tell them to stop being pathetic.

Sounds like a totally normal interaction. If someone in my family is doing something annoying I tell them (and they tell me!). Chewing in my ear would be annoying so I would point that out! As they have no qualms doing when I’m doing something annoying

Leave the bugger immediately Apply for benefits and put yourself on the housing list. That'll do it, won't it!

I don’t understand why you are "upset and angry". Don’t you want him to teach his daughter good manners?

This is really depends - I have two teenagers and we would all feel comfortable raising this (or ourselves DH commented yesterday his own chewing noise was annoying him) sometimes it happens and families should be able to raise it in a light heart fashion.

How did he phrase it?

Just adding a bit of support to the pile on.
Loud eating is revolting.
And why do they need junk after swimming? Swimming is exercise, it's meant to be healthy. Try a banana next time.

Parent tries to teach child manners, child is offended ??!....... there really is no hope.

I'm on his side.

If your 11 year old was ‘offended’ by her father saying this to her then I think you need to look at your parenting techniques in order to prepare her for life.
Jeez. We are fucked if this is the next generation.
EDIT - yes you are ABVVVU to be ‘angry and upset’ by your husband being a parent. We can see where your daughter gets her ‘offence’ from.

OP is MIA.

At least your husband is parenting - good on him.

One of DD's friends has the most disgusting eating habits, known her 10yrs, now early 20s. I refuse to sit at a table with her.

Chomp, slurp, spatter, - I don't wanna hear it, see it or have it potentially land in my direction.

Team husband all the way!

Scary isn’t it. I run a livery yard and currently have a 20-something girl who has the most massive brat tantrums if she doesn’t get her own way. She expects the world to revolve around her and any amount of tiny stress has her flying off the handle and throwing a wobbler. I’m very close to telling her to get lost!

Make a thread…..don’t return. Does my head in. Troll all the way. Like the bloody dog and parking thread. Mondays are stupid thread day

I say this to my 11 year old daughter 5/7 nights a week at least, she eats like a pig sometimes! It’s basic manners to chew with your mouth closed.

I was going to say does your dd know it annoys her dad? My son will deliberately chew loudly in my ear to wind me up (he knows I can't stand it) but it's all kept light hearted.
However, as your daughter seemed upset I'm guessing she wasn't doing it to wind him up. He could have said it in a kinder tone. It will probably make her conscious to eat sweets now.