Do people just not ring each other any more, is this normal?

[Gurolou]

All my friends want to text or WhatsApp, it seems to be a thing, I hate it. We are all in our forties and fifties so texting wasn't even a thing for most of our lives. Is this really the same for everyone and just how things are? Because I actually hate texts and WhatsApp it just feels like stuff piling on top of me, and I miss talking to people.

How can it be inefficient to respond to people when it is convenient for you?

someone sends me a message when it’s convenient to them and I reply when it’s convenient to me.

a phone call is literally your phone shouting “speak to me, stop what you’re doing and speak to me” regardless of actual urgency.

I tell people they can call to tell me something, or ask me something, but they cannot call just to chat.

It’s not nasty at all.
I find phone calls quite inconvenient and rude.
I visit my mum and enjoy face to face to face time, our phones occasionally Bing with a text and we ignore it. She has friends who call her and despite her saying she’s got visitors some friends still say ‘oh I won’t be long, then rattle in for 20 minutes!’ One friend calls her twice a day and speaks for ages preventing her from doing anything else!
If my phone rings I screen the calls, it’s not rude, it’s time management. If I’m driving I only answer calls from DD’s school.
when my mum calls I only answer if I’m able to talk … otherwise I’ll text 5 mins later and just ask if all is ok, and usually it’s met with a ‘yes all ok just wanted to ask you xxx… but I know if I’d answered the call would’ve been a minimum of half hour just to ask that one thing… and then I’d have heard what all her friends (who I don’t know) are doing…
However I do see friends and family regularly and have proper catch-ups, which are organised via text.
My nan is almost 100 so always used to call her, but she can’t hear on the phone anymore anyway so it’s in person only now.

in your shoes I’d except people don’t like talking on the phone and instead text and arrange to meet up.

I’ve found texting so convenient for keeping in touch with people who you otherwise wouldn’t.

During Covid I text everyone weekly and checked in that they were ok. I wouldn’t have had time to call everyone !

Given that we live at least two hours drive from our close friends and any family, if it weren't for the phone/Zoom, we'd never speak to anyone except our local acquaintances. Who are lovely, but not close.

So maybe this is a sign that we need to practice the art of conversation, so people don't just get 'talked at' or feel that they can't say what they need to without having to interrupt. Just a thought :)

And I find that difficult/awkward/delicate conversations are always best done on the phone rather than text, or even better (much better) done face to face.

Hate talking on the phone. The only person I’m willing to do this with is my Gran because she can’t text. I just find it so disruptive. A text I can send and leave then reply when it suits. I hate voice notes too which Gen Z seem keen on.

I think we've definitely lost the art of conversation!

I'm afraid I'm guilty of this too.

I never answer a call. Except from a handful of people. I don’t want to be put on the spot or a request for anything.

How much free time do you have that you can spend hours on the phone chatting?

If you have less than 1hr per day to yourself, as a lot of working people with caring responsibilities do, you might understand that this is the way a lot of people feel. In their shoes this is not, in fact, insane.

I'm with you OP. Love to catch-up on the phone but I'm also happy to have an ongoing long WhatsApp conversation but I hate very looooonnnng WhatsApp messages🙄. I have a friend who sends me these, covering multiple topics and no way do I reply straight away... I have to get my head around the long message first 🤯.
I also hate that since Covid some people make an appointment to call you. What happened to just picking up the phone and ringing 🤔 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ People I'm closest to still chat on phone, sometimes for up to couple of hours 🙃 🙂

I use WhatsApp and texts to make arrangements to see people in person for a proper chat! I speak occasionally on the phone to a couple of my oldest friends who live a fair distance away and I hardly ever see, and to family, if there are involved arrangements to discuss for get-togethers etc. Otherwise I love the convenience of messaging.

I always make an appointment to talk on the phone 😂 except with my mum, but that’s because she’s old and always around. People are busy. I’m busy! I won’t waste anyone’s time with endless voicemail tag and then truncated chat because you only have 7 minutes. I and my friends always make an appointment and then we can talk for an hour totally undisturbed and not distracted. It’s proper time spent with each other, not mindless talking for the sake of it. We also basically make mental agendas to make sure we keep things moving along and cover all bases!

AND, these phone calls are ALWAYS video calls. I think I’ve forgotten how to chat to just a voice. You don’t know when or whether to interrupt - there’s so much more communication when you can see a face. i think this could also be down to how different people’s minds work. Some people can’t picture things, some people can’t not picture things.

I never answer video calls... and everyone who knows me wouldn't bother to make one ti me 😁😅
The people I have long chats to know me very well and my usual routine anyway so no voice messages necessary 😊

Well, back in my really rather lonely teenage years spent in a village where none of my friends lived, with barely any public transport and parents reluctant to give lifts, ‘real-time chat’ was limited to the school day or a telephone conversation in the hallway after 6pm (but definitely not for too long), with the entire family listening in. The conversation had a beginning and end, then you were alone (and often lonely) again. Now, young people’s chat via voice notes can be continuous and open-ended: you can say what you want to say at any time, and the conversation partner listens when they can and responds whenever it’s convenient. You can hear their tone of voice and replay the message if you don’t catch something. You can communicate 1-1 or in groups, wherever everyone is in the world, and keep in touch without having to set aside time specifically to talk to one person at a time. It’s conversation on another level and I think it’s great!