Do people just not ring each other any more, is this normal?

[Gurolou]

All my friends want to text or WhatsApp, it seems to be a thing, I hate it. We are all in our forties and fifties so texting wasn't even a thing for most of our lives. Is this really the same for everyone and just how things are? Because I actually hate texts and WhatsApp it just feels like stuff piling on top of me, and I miss talking to people.

Voice notes seem so old fashioned to me

a but like keep calling the landline answer machine

Well for one thing it reinforces in and out groups. Younger people are constantly obsessing about who is in or out of the group chat. It's unhealthy and drives a lot of anxiety.

I’m in my sixties and if my friends ring me I assume something dreadful has happened.

I much prefer messaging.

I love messaging.

I’m 48 and we’ve been texting for what? 25 years? I can remember when it was expensive!

Voice notes are awful. You get to listen to someone waffle on, all the pauses and white space. Thank heavens for the ability to remove that, and speed up the message.

Even text is better than voice notes as the transmitter gets to the point faster.

I am still with @Gurolou in preferring to actually speak to another person though.

I miss it too op. Use to talk to my friends/bf for hours on the phone. Now it’s mostly WhatsApp and it’s not the same. You don’t connect/open up/ share in the same way at all. I think it distances people and makes relationships more surface level

Not necessarily. They might be out and about where texting silently is acceptable, but conversation above background noise is anti-social.

They might be "talked out" at the end of the day but still have energy for text based communication.

They might have little pockets of time that don't align with their friends/ family.

I mostly prefer WhatsApp, and like others have a group chat of friends that it would be impossible to keep up to date with otherwise. Through that chat we have supported each other through bereavements, divorce, and teenagers! I couldn’t speak to all 6 of them t once. I don’t think I lack connection with them. They’ve been there with me for the highs and lows of my life for 17+ years.

I have a couple of friends I do speak on phone to, as well as my mum. But for general life, I’m not a fan of the phone.

Exactly this. There are plenty of occasions I can think of where I have 5 mins to scroll my phone but it wouldn’t be appropriate to have a phone call in that same 5 mins.
Also I am very rarely alone. I’m at work all day, then at least one of my three children will be in the room with me in the evening. One is disabled and basically glued to my side. So unless I want to have phone conversations in the ear shot of someone else, it’s easier to message.

I use text and WhatsApp however at times a pbonecall is easier and qhicker. It drives me crazy when I call our children and they dont pick up yet can respond to a text..

I dont mind texting or WhatsApp but sometimes a phonecall is needed. I have been known to be that mum who goes "you know that phone can make phonecalls right?"

In 70's now as is most of my friendship group, WhatsApp all the way now.

You can create ‘focus’ where you can choose the sort of notifications you get. I have ones for work, personal time, complete withdrawal… you can still see the notification if you choose to, but the phone won’t interrupt what you’re doing. I allow certain contacts to alert me and block everyone else.

I disagree that messaging means we don’t value human contact. I find it much easier to send little messages which keep connection without needing an uninterrupted block of time (I have relatives I can’t see often, some of whom live overseas in other time zones). And when I do have time to see someone in person, I do! I love meeting people for coffee, a walk, a catch-up. I find it hard to do that on the phone. I do schedule calls with people but I don’t like people ringing for a chat at random times because I’m not usually in the right headspace for it. Then I have to say look, sorry, I am doing stuff and I can’t have this conversation right now and the person will be hurt or feel rejected.

There are a lot of demands on our attention and life can feel pretty draining. I think in person meetings mean I can give my full attention to the person I’m with, no household jobs taking my attention away and no thoughts of stuff I need to get on with distracting me.

I used to spend hours on the phone when younger but I increasingly find it draining nowadays.

Its partly because my job involves being on the phone for a large amount of the day so being on the phone in my free time is the last thing I want to do.

I am also just very busy and a phone call is just another thing to have to fit in. I spend my days constantly juggling other people’s needs and I crave time undisturbed when I can not be bombarded with other people and their opinions and beliefs and day to day stresses. Maybe that makes me selfish but that’s how I feel.

Maybe they’re on a train or something? I hate speaking on the phone in public, but could easily reply to a message.

I chat to some friends I don't see often as they live miles away on the phone, I really enjoy it. We plan on advance and have a wine while we catch up for about 45mins/an hour. I hate chatty messages on WhatsApp, I prefer to use messages for logistics but chat in person or on the phone. I get harassed on teams and email all day at work and chatty messages on WhatsApp just feel like more of that to me. I'm 37.

Sadly messaging seems to have become the norm. I used to ring my mum several times a week, she was in her mid 80s and couldn’t get the hang of texts, I also rang my eldest sister a couple of times a month and really valued the ability to offload to her. Since mum died though, the calls seemed to have stopped, not sure why , just my sister now seems to use WhatsApp rather than ringing, but it’s really not the same, I’d welcome a return to conversation but it no longer seems to be the way

I’m so glad it’s not just me. I can’t stand people phoning me. I’m busy. It may be convenient for them, but it’s not for me. I WFH and no, I can’t just answer during the day.

I know it may make me seem stroppy and intolerant. I can’t deal with people downloading their day to me. 🤣

I hate the phone although would spend hours on it as a teenager, until we had internet over a dial up 😂

Not allways though and if thats the case you usually get a follow up text stating this.

I think its important to acknowledge that simply because we dislike something it doesn't mean we should always be able to avoid it. Im not here talking all the time and as I stated I do use text and WhatsApp. However some conversations are better as conversations where you can hear the persons reaction.

If we go with "I dislike phone calls" who "wins" when you communicate with someone who "dislikes texting and WhatsApp?" Neither can and its important both gives a bit and both goes out of their comfort zone and it becomes more of a 50/50 situation.

Have you spoken to your family about this issue?
All my friends and family message rather than phone, even my 91 year old grandmother (in addition I visit her once a week). It’s not the case that people are ringing me and I’m ignoring them, so I don’t think there’s anything I need to compromise on. It appears we’re all on the same page. If you want your family to meet you half way you probably need to have a discussion with them about it.

I hate talking on the phone. I think a lot of people do otherwise texts and messaging wouldn't be so popular.

I have a friend who is very demanding of my time. I no longer answer the phone to her. She will talk for 2-3hours and more if she can, about herself. I have to forcibly end every phone call to the point that it becomes unpleasant.

She doesn't care that I have other things to do and will ignore me when I say I need to end the call. Last time we spoke she ended up crying because I wanted to go and make dinner after giving her 3 hours of my time.

It didn't matter how long I gave her it was never enough. Awful.

The only person I speak to on the phone is my mother. I don’t call anyone else beyond 10 second conveying info - for example, “I’m in the shop, do you want anything?”

I don’t have the time, energy or inclination to spend ages on the phone.

I agree with you! I talk on the phone a lot to people. My BF and me can chat for hours.

When I had a BF I didn’t live with we chatted for hours on the phone too. But that was back when I lived alone, I finished work and my time was my own. Now I get home, pick the 3 kids up from wraparound care, walk into the house, cook dinner, ferry kids around to their hobbies, get home and help with homework, make sure uniform/sports kit etc is ready for the next day, clean the kitchen, put the kids to bed, shower and then go to bed ready to start it all again at 6am the next day. Far easier to quickly reply to a message or two than have a telephone conversation.
ETA I do get a quick 5 min chat (face to face) with my DH in there somewhere!

Off course I have spoken to them about this.

Doesn't change the fact I find it annoying that people prefer texting to a phone call.

This is really no different to you not liking talking on the phone. I prefer it. That is all this is. Preferences. As I do communicate with my family. We have a middle ground and they try to call a bit more than they prefer and I try to text/WhatsApp a bit more than I prefer.

Thankfully we are all on agreement of a dislike of voicenotes