Do people just not ring each other any more, is this normal?

[Gurolou]

All my friends want to text or WhatsApp, it seems to be a thing, I hate it. We are all in our forties and fifties so texting wasn't even a thing for most of our lives. Is this really the same for everyone and just how things are? Because I actually hate texts and WhatsApp it just feels like stuff piling on top of me, and I miss talking to people.

You may not be but the young generally, IMO & IME, are losing the art. Few questions or reciprocity spontaneously socially. Not enough practice.

A friend called me rather unexpectedly last night, as she'd finished work late but still wanted a jog and I think she felt safer chatting on the phone. She checked before phoning, and I could've said no, of course - but I would have felt slightly guilty doing so. It was nice to have a bit of a chat that way, but it's not something I do ever so often.

Not sure why it provokes such visceral hatred in some people though. I suppose it helps if you and the person you're speaking to both have good phone manners and the conversation flows easily. But I can understand how painful it can be when that's not the case.

You are still assuming talking on the phone is the only source of conversation. The young people I know (DD is 30 and has friends younger and older, and I meet lots in my hobbies) are absolutely fine at conversation.

No, please don't put words in my mouth.

I love a chat or a voice note

If that’s not what you meant, please clarify what you did mean. As I’m unclear what else you could have been saying.

It’s good to talk..

It’s about the/a ‘fear’ of conversation that I am noticing more broadly. If we’re not speaking on phone, social interaction so important. ‘A year in industry’ for Uni grads might only mean x2 days in office face-to-face. Phone convo used to keep things oiled. Agree not only thing.

I make the time to see people in person and usually chat then. I've never liked talking on the phone and avoid calls.
I have one friend whom I love dearly who prefers calls but I know if I answer, then I'm going to be on the phone for at least an hour or two. I work full time. I'm a single parent. It means that my evening is completely disrupted. I'll have missed my window to make dinner or shower or put the washing on. I find it very disruptive. I'd rather make plans in person and have that dedicated time.
The only people I speak to on calls are my parents and siblings and that's because they are all overseas and I can't see them regularly in person. Then we do video calls rather than just voice.

Interestingly, I'd say my 15yo speaks on the phone a lot more often than I do. He calls his friends on whatsapp while they all game online. They can chat for ages.

That's just nonsense.

I love to meet up with my friends and talk to them face to face, and I prioritise time to do this. But between meetings, I find it easier to text as I can fit this in around other stuff that I'm doing.

I find a face to face meeting very rewarding. I don't particularly enjoy talking to a disembodied voice on the phone. I like chatting to people on WhatsApp. I'm not sure why you would think this means that I don't value human contact?

I'm late-40s, always hated using the phone - trip over my words, forget what I've said or say the wrong thing, get distracted by noises/people around me...so glad we can text now. I can also then edit what I'm saying before I say it, and not have to focus on what I'm saying right now (so much that I don't hear the other person if it's a phone call, as I'm constantly trying to think what I should say).
For business I tend to email or text, as we're talking numbers and specifics and it's good to have it all in writing rather than be misheard. I only ring a customer if it's complicated, and they tend to be the same.
Voice notes I can't do as the kids and other family are around, so I'd have to find ear buds to listen.
The only people I actually speak to on the phone, because it's relaxing and enjoyable, are my partner and mum, but we still text 90% of the time.
Face to face meetings I love though, I get on better when there's eye contact.

This is true, my teen DD is constantly on voice calls after school, sometimes group chats, while they're watching a show or playing a game together. As a kid I hated ringing - you had to speak to their parents first to get past the gatekeepers!

Why should we though? Why should we be forced to do stuff that makes us uncomfortable...? If we don't have to........ Having a root canal if it's needed - yes of course, or an injection (like a vaccine to protect us,) yes. Some things we may have to do even if we don't like them.

But being forced to spend an hour on the phone chatting to someone who has rung us at an inconvenient time, (when we don't enjoy talking on the phone.....?) No. That's something no-one has to do.

.

I really worry that humanity is becoming so insular. Working from home with no person to person contact, texting instead of actually speaking to one another. I feel it is going to end up with everyone in their own little world, not saying a cheery good morning to people you pass in the street, no one making eye contact, everyone in their own bubble, not speaking

Don't get me wrong. I text or email someone if I know they are busy so they can just answer when convenient, but it has gone so much the other way.

When I was working I used to get very nervous about phoning people, especially if it was one of our overseas offices and I was not sure if I would understand them or they would understand me. However, you just have to be an adult and get on with it. Too much pandering to anxiety these days. So many people just need to grow up and not expect someone else to do the difficult bits.

I don’t think that’s true at all. Young people exchange voice notes, play them back at 1.5 or even 2x speed, and carry on multiple conversations simultaneously!

The other side of that is why should those who dislike texting and WhatsApp have to. Communicate with you that way?

THAT is why I say sometimes we have to do things that makes us uncomfortable. Not everytime but sometimes

So at times you make that uncomfortable call and at.times they make that uncomfortable text/WhatsApp. 50/50. Aka compromises

Also the few times I personally phone ita because I need something quickly worked out we are max on the pbone 5 mins especially if I know its not their preferred method of communicating.. doesnt change the fact its mine. Thankfully my family and friends are Resonable people who meet me half way.

If they call at an inconvenient time tell them that promise to call back when it suits your timimg. And make that uncomfortable call. Then next time they can text. Providing they are able to do so (got a eldery friend who struggles I call him.as.does his friends)

Nobody is forced to spend an hour on the phone.
Say ,'I'm sorry, I can't chat now', 'I don't like talking on the phone, I'll text/email/WhatsApp you'.

Maybe me being dim but how does that trump an in real time chat?

100% prefer texting and WhatsApp. I can say what I want to say without interruption and also think about what I’m saying.
if I’ve got a spare hour I call my mum as she waffles and I get stuck on the phone with her often talking at me … if I have something I need to say I message her. Or send her a voice note.

Surely the phone ringing and having to talk about mindless rubbish for 20 minutes is more of an interruption tha a ping which you can silence and answer when you have time?

You can also silence a normal call. Or, you answer and say, sorry Julie, can't talk right now, will call you later.

I think I'm confused with people saying they enjoy meeting friends real time face to face to chat but don't do real time chats on the phone or video if he friends are too far away to meet frequently. 🤔

But then you're just deferring it to later. I think this comes down to free time.
With job, commute, chores, children, being pulled out for twenty minutes just to chat about nothing is a lot and disruptive. Especially if you've got more than one person expecting it of you. I also find that people who call just to chat tend to be a bit oblivious to social cues on ending it.
You'll say 'can't chat now' and they'll say 'oh of course, but quick question' and you'll spend the next half hour trying to politely get off the phone without hanging up in their face.
This is why I prefer face to face. For connecting, it is far better to spend my limited free time actually seeing someone in person and having a proper catch up. And when I do call people, I usually do a video call and mske sure its a good time for it.

@Gurolou why are you making out that this is a new thing?! I used to call people for a chat when I lived alone in my twenties. I’m nearly fifty and much prefer to text that call.

Turkle published a sociological study on this in 2011!!!! Even then it wasn’t new. Look it up, it’s called Alone Together and explains exactly why this has happened. She also did a brilliant Ted Talk on the same topic. I stopped using it in my A level teaching because it was getting a bit dated by 2022….

So why the false surprise?!