Do people just not ring each other any more, is this normal?

[Gurolou]

All my friends want to text or WhatsApp, it seems to be a thing, I hate it. We are all in our forties and fifties so texting wasn't even a thing for most of our lives. Is this really the same for everyone and just how things are? Because I actually hate texts and WhatsApp it just feels like stuff piling on top of me, and I miss talking to people.

I was just addressing your point about compromise, that’s all. You said people need to compromise and I said I don’t believe that’s the case for me as all of my friends and family appear to be on the same page 🤷🏻‍♀️. Apart from that it’s irrelevant to me what your personal preference is, as I don’t know you.

Voice notes are awful. I haven’t the time or the inclination to listen to a self-absorbed monologue for ten minutes. Either phone me, so we can talk about whatever it is properly, WhatsApp me or just keep it to yourself. Such an intrusion on time.

I don’t like talking on my mobile phone - it’s not a comfortable shape to hold against my face. DH has done away with our landline and our wonderfully comfortable house phone. Three years on and I am still cross about it.

I text my fiends to tell them if I am going to call them - so they don't think it's bad news...

I’m 72 and hate talking on the phone . It’s texting all the way for me . I even avoid asking my younger brother how his ill wife is , because if I send him a text he immediately phones me back and is on the phone for ages . I hate it and wish he would send me a text or even an e mail instead. I also don’t do social media except for Mumsnet .

Voicenotes are the worst.

I make no apologies for saying that anyone who uses them needs to step back and take a long hard look at whether they want to be that person.

Just awful.

Erm, do you really think I am unaware of letters and telegrams?
The possibility of instant and continuous texting, which is something that is connected to the smartphone, is what I was commenting on.

I was trying to gently remind people of the miracle of being able to hear the actual voice of a friend. To me the beauty and wonder of this is something we have lost sight of, caught in a world where people are constantly texting or updating social media- a world where people feel uncomfortable actually speaking to their friends (whether in person or on the phone).

Yes that is understandable. I don't know why some posters think it's weird or unusual for other people to not want to spend time talking on the phone. We're all different.

Also, I actually don't mind voicenotes, but only if they are up to 2 minutes long. I don't think they need to be any longer. Although I have to say, I have never received a voicenote that is 10 minutes long as several posters on here have. That is a bit long!

That was a shitty reply, OP. Have you considered that some older people will be less isolated due to the prevalence of instant messaging? I can message my grandparents whilst I'm at work, but I can't hold a long phone call. So whilst I'm at work, it's a choice between no contact or text contact. If I only contacted them at times that I'm free for a phone call, it'd be much less frequent.

I do that in person. Text s less intrusive into everyone’s lives. It’s not isolating because I see people in person a lot. Much better than a phone call.
Also I’m 61. I had my first mobile at 31 or 2 and was a late adopter so texting has been a thing for about half my life so I dispute your point in the OP

You understand you can ignore those pings until it’s convenient though? Or switch them off?
Friendships aren't an interruption. Phone calls are.

No, people don’t value phone calls. They aren’t human contact. Human contact is meeting up in person. I do loads of that.

My workplace skews older and there's a big culture war between the over 50s and under 40s.

It's a large hybrid workplace, and the older crew are very keen on calling people up because in their rationale, it's no different than walking by someone's desk.

The younger cohort are very keen on calendar blocking focus time and tasks as well as meetings. They (we) get very petulant when that focus time is ignored.

I like a chat on the phone, but only if I'm not doing anything else, and therein lies the issue with the phone - the timing may be convenient for one person but chances are it isn't for the other.

The only people who phone me now are my parents, aunt and sister - and I know when they do that I'll be stuck on the phone for a minimum of 20 minutes and often it will be an hour or more. I love them and I really value our chats, but if I'm being honest it's a PITA having to drop everything to chat when I'm busy doing something else.

With friends, I use WhatsApp and we arrange to meet and chat in person at a mutually convenient time, which is perfect. And that's what's great about text - you can reply when convenient.

This. My teenager has text relationships with the two of his four grandparents who use WhatsApp. He also sees them, obviously -- he spent part of yesterday afternoon trying to teach them how to play table tennis, with predictable results given that they're in their eighties and have a hip replacement apiece. But it's another now-stress way of keeping in contact.

You were not adressing that with me though. This was not mentioned until this last post.

Do what works for you and your friends. I will do what works for mine. However I stand by stating sometimes we have to do stuff that makes us uncomfortable

I dumped a man once b/c he wanted to chat on the phone for ages. Frankly, would rather spend the time face to face and CBA with phone calls. I speak to my mother (would rather not), my sister when we have something to sort / say and texting is too complex, and sometimes DS who is away at uni. If I have an hour to chat shit, I would rather do it in person which is WAY more satisfying than talking on the phone.

You seem to think that just because someone doesn't like talking on the phone equates to not liking to talk to people. Not the case for me at least. I may not be the most sociable person in the world, like my own company but I really don't mind chatting to friends, family, neighbours etc etc face to face. I just don't like doing it over the phone, never have. Dislike voice notes too. Just annoying

I'm in the please don't ever call me camp.

You seem almost personally offended by people not wanting to chat on the phone with you. Why does it rankle you so much? Do you see it as a personal social snub?

If you miss chatting to friends and family on the phone maybe you could ask if any of your friends also miss it? Maybe there's at least one of them that does also like to chat on the phone?

People can't be forced to chat on the phone but equally if that's how your friends feel you equally can't be forced to text constantly either if you hate that. It sounds like an incompatibility in terms of social communication.

I'm 56 so hardly a young 'un and I didn't say I found it frightfully traumatic.

I message my friends and ask how they are and if they fancy a meet up. So we meet up and chat. I don't miss talking on the phone at all and I am mid fifties.

I find phone calls imposing
I hate the surprise element

My friends are like this, and I feel like you. It means I am in touch with several of them less. It's sad.

But equally, I know this is how it is now. So I try to meet up with people instead. And I'd never call without checking it's a good time.

Yes, I completely agree, you nailed it, texting is all those things;
INEFFICIENT, IMPERSONAL AND ISOLATING!

The worst is the inefficiency, as it takes hours to have what could be a two minute conversation.

I call whenever I can, and the timing allows (so will text if I think a friend is at work), for the efficiency and also to make it personal, as messages can often come across as perhaps a bit rude/abrupt in text but better nuanced in a voice conversation.

I feel slightly guilty if I opt to text when I could have called, as I feel I'm sending a vibe that I can't actually be bothered to talk to this person, so will just do a text instead.

I just asked my 20 something son what he feels about phonecalls and he said he really likes them. He listed off about half a dozen good friends he regularly chats to on the phone

I type really fast on my phone. It doesn’t take me twice as long. My mum texts with one finger on one hand and it takes her much longer.