Do people just not ring each other any more, is this normal?

[Gurolou]

All my friends want to text or WhatsApp, it seems to be a thing, I hate it. We are all in our forties and fifties so texting wasn't even a thing for most of our lives. Is this really the same for everyone and just how things are? Because I actually hate texts and WhatsApp it just feels like stuff piling on top of me, and I miss talking to people.

We talk, so much nicer

For context I need to make a dentist appointment. I haven’t for almost 6 weeks now as it means calling (no online facility). I know it’s daft, I know I’m an adult etc. But I find it really hard.

I’ve been with my Dh for nearly 20 years and I can probably count on 2 hands the times I’ve spoken to him on the phone. Including the 2 years we were long distance on opposite sides of the world. 😂

Things I find hard about phone (but disclosure I’m ND)…

• there is always a slight delay and I worry about talking over the other person.
• I can’t see facial expressions so find it had to gauge when it’s my turn to talk etc
• equally they can’t see me, and sometimes I worry that stuff I say won’t be interpreted correctly. Whereas I know I ca use certain emojis to indicate sarcasm, or humour.

I'm 58. I have been texting since the late 1990s, so at least 25 years.

I’m 45 and much prefer texting. Been texting since I got my first phone at 18 so have definitely been texting more than half my life.

Hate talking on the phone. Love texting.
Hate voice notes and voice mails. I tell people please don't send them as I won't listen to them.

I love speaking on the phone to friends - especially long distance ones - we book in a chat and are usually blathering away for an hour - one in the US never fails to be a 2 hour chat. Our husbands are bemused. “What are you even talking about?”

I’ve lived in a few different places and phone calls are a great way to stay really in touch with far flung friends.

With other people it’s just quicker at work - the younger people at work will not get it through their heads that they need to build relationships with phone chats and arranging meetings is a LOT faster if you ring the PA for availability instead of typing out an email, sending it and having no idea how long you’ll wait for a reply which means availability will change if the assistant doesn’t see it in time.

Also - I can cook, I can walk the dogs, I can do the ironing, I can hop in the car while on the phone. If I’m texting, I can’t do all that practical stuff.

I have three good friends (interestingly met on an internet forum !) in this country but miles apart, who I chat to a couple of times a month.

Yesterday I sent a Canadian friend a message about the Olympics via FB messages and asked if she used WhatsApp to phone but she said she and her family video chat via Facebook. I had a quick look and tried a contact. Long story short – we video chatted for two hours and had a lovely time. We introduced each other to our current cats and she said Hi to my husband. We’re going to try and do this once a month. We talked about family, homes, animals, politics, current affairs, Olympics, you name it. We last saw each other in the flesh 20 years ago and Skyped a couple of times but the connection wasn’t good. Facebook videocall was perfect, and free. I regret losing verbal contact with her but hope we're now back on track.

In my opinion, texts aren’t really communicating and e-mails are only one stage better. Voice notes are only a verbal text/e-mail.

You keep chatting OP ! 🤗

this. Absolutely this.

I am not ND and I agree with you.

I have just one friend that I speak to on the phone. The rest, strictly WhatsApp. I much prefer this, with face to face in between.

But what if you don't live close enough to meet face to face ?

loooooooong texts or whatsapps

Bur surely having a chat to and fro, face to face, is easier, more personal and more fun than texting?

Drop in on Alexa

well you do you.....

Yes, but you asked what people do if they don’t live close enough to meet face to face.

If you mean is chatting on the phone easier, more fun and more personal than messaging, then no. For a lot of us, it is considerably less enjoyable.

I will, thanks ☺️

I'm genuinely sorry for that.

You don’t have to have notifications switched on - there’s no need for anyone’s phone to ping at them any more!

Mid 40s, the only person who rings me just for a chat is my mum. All my friends just text and I much prefer it.

@Gurolou i'm not sure if you're still looking at the thread

I am with you. I think it's part of a decline in personal communication. Which in turn is leading to a decline in many things.

I think some posters must be seeing people face-to-face on quite a regular basis. I live on my own and I used to absolutely love talking to friends on the telephone - it's not always possible to meet up unless you live nearby.

I don't think it's a coincidence that friendship is on the decline when chatting on the phone is also on the decline. I don't think it's age related. I actually don't know what it is. One of mum's friends in her 70s said that she will have a message chat with someone and then find herself wondering "why didn't we just have a phone call?"

I haven't read the whole thread as it's so long. I've read all of your posts. I think probably a lot of posters who message now would have used the telephone in the past, I appreciate younger posters won't have done that.

It's amazing how vociferous people are about not wanting to talk

I think chatting in spaces like here has replaced personal relationships. And I think it's a real shame, but I don't know what to do about it.

One of my failed friendships, I tried to get some phone chat in and I do actually wonder if that's one of the things that made it fall apart. She didn't specifically say to me that she hates chatting on the phone but for whatever reason it just feels like too much for some people these days.

I'm not a huge fan of the pressure "modern technology" puts on us to be constantly available. Now, I chat to people every day, with a few texts, rather than once a week. I don't like it at all.

Generally though I do chit chat via text, but if there's a specific conversation I want to have with someone, I'll phone them.

The inefficiency of texting isn't really about the time it takes to type (though no one types as fast as they speak, and there's the delay in response), but the time it takes to have a simple two way conversation. For example...

Angela (A): Hey you, how are you? Do you want to do something this weekend?
Theresa (T): Hi, I'm ok, you? Hmm maybe, what are you thinking of?
A: Dunno; we could go out for a drink. I could do with one, that rusky is doing my head in.
T: Ahh, not sure about a drink, or even a pub. I'm meant to do be doing dry January. It's soooo boring. I don't think I can even set foot inside a pub, as the aperol spritz will be calling me, ha ha. Sorry about the rusky. You know what I've suggested you do with him, teehee.
A: Yeah, sorry about dry Jan, I forgot.
T: Well, we could go for a walk. Though it is a bit muddy out there. Do you mind it being muddy? I could bring the dog; and maybe the kids too. They could all do with a bit of exercise. Won't bring the old man though, he's such a misery.
A: Alas I don't have any wellies an the moment. Went for a walk a couple of weeks ago with all that rain. Remember all the rain, and floods? Was having fun skipping through flood waters when I found I had a titanic size gash in the side of my welly.
T: Oh no, that's annoying. Are they old?
A: Yeah, had them about a year.
T: Well you'll need to get new ones, you can't do without wellies around here. When are you getting some?
A: Well, it might take a while. I want Hunters, but I'm not paying 200 bloody quid for them! So I've been browsing ebay, and am waiting for the holy grail; an immaculate pair of 'never worns' for 25 quid! ha ha.
T: You could be waiting a while.
A: Yeah.
T: Look sod it. Let's just go to the pub. Sod dry January. Sod the kids, and the old man. And the dog too. Actually, maybe the dog can come, I like him.
A: Woohoo! Right, when shall we go? And which pub?
T: OK, looking at the diary, can't do Saturday until late as kids have shit on all day...............

So, this conversation for example could take at least 12, or even 24 hours back and forth by text between two busy ladies. However the same conversation on an actual call would take about 2 minutes!